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E-RFD: New Elementary Particle Discovered
Oregon Magazine ^
| 11/14/2005
| By Staff
Posted on 11/14/2005 12:06:45 PM PST by oxcart
E-RFD: New Elementary Particle Discovered A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Governmentium." Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by force particles called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of orbiting peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert.. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction within its field range, which like gravity is unlimited but whose intensity reduces by the square of the distance from the original source. A minute amount of Governmentium located within one football field of length away causes a single event to take over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons in a given location reach a certain concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium -- an element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
(Excerpt) Read more at oregonmag.com ...
TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: goverment; notbreaking
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To: Semper Paratus
Gave him a glass of heavy water and a piece of yellow cake and sent him down to sleep.
41
posted on
11/14/2005 1:51:32 PM PST
by
theDentist
(The Dems have put all their eggs in one basket-case: Howard "Belltower" Dean.)
To: EsmeraldaA
I know I am, so what are you?
42
posted on
11/14/2005 2:00:06 PM PST
by
Irish_Thatcherite
(~~~A vote for Bertie Ahern is a vote for Gerry Adams!~~~)
To: theDentist
43
posted on
11/14/2005 2:00:43 PM PST
by
Irish_Thatcherite
(~~~A vote for Bertie Ahern is a vote for Gerry Adams!~~~)
To: Irish_Thatcherite
To: EsmeraldaA
I am just a little this. A nekkid angel????
45
posted on
11/14/2005 2:09:19 PM PST
by
Irish_Thatcherite
(~~~A vote for Bertie Ahern is a vote for Gerry Adams!~~~)
To: theDentist
46
posted on
11/14/2005 2:18:01 PM PST
by
patton
("Hard Drive Cemetary" - forthcoming best seller)
To: Irish_Thatcherite
Angels are not nekkid!
Not ever.
Didn't you see the wings??
SHEEEESH!
To: EsmeraldaA
I saw the wings... and that red dress she wasn't wearing.
48
posted on
11/14/2005 2:39:40 PM PST
by
Irish_Thatcherite
(~~~A vote for Bertie Ahern is a vote for Gerry Adams!~~~)
To: Dead Corpse
To: Irish_Thatcherite
You mean this
red dress?
It was at the cleaners....
To: EsmeraldaA
And she has nothing else to wear?
Angels are NEVER nekkid? They must have no fun so....
51
posted on
11/14/2005 2:52:48 PM PST
by
Irish_Thatcherite
(~~~A vote for Bertie Ahern is a vote for Gerry Adams!~~~)
To: Irish_Thatcherite
*They must have no fun so....*So.....what? what?
Anyway.....they are happy when you are.
To: EsmeraldaA
Anyway.....they are happy when you are. Do they laugh when I go to the toilet?
53
posted on
11/14/2005 2:59:47 PM PST
by
Irish_Thatcherite
(~~~A vote for Bertie Ahern is a vote for Gerry Adams!~~~)
To: Irish_Thatcherite
Sometimes......that depends on a number of things.
How did you know?
LOL!
To: EsmeraldaA
I guessed. Omniscience, or something.
55
posted on
11/14/2005 3:05:30 PM PST
by
Irish_Thatcherite
(~~~A vote for Bertie Ahern is a vote for Gerry Adams!~~~)
To: Irish_Thatcherite
Most be the something part.
Were you worried about your dignity?
hehe hehe
To: EsmeraldaA
I didn't want them to see me crap.
57
posted on
11/14/2005 3:31:26 PM PST
by
Irish_Thatcherite
(~~~A vote for Bertie Ahern is a vote for Gerry Adams!~~~)
To: Irish_Thatcherite
*Mental image*
YIKES!
To: EsmeraldaA
*Mental image* I thought angels could see everything, they don't have to imagine anything?
59
posted on
11/14/2005 3:45:49 PM PST
by
Irish_Thatcherite
(~~~A vote for Bertie Ahern is a vote for Gerry Adams!~~~)
To: Irish_Thatcherite
True.
But once one sees it, forever in one's mind.
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