E-RFD: New Elementary Particle Discovered

Oregon Magazine ^ | 11/14/2005 | By Staff

[oxcart]

E-RFD: New Elementary Particle Discovered A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Governmentium." Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by force particles called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of orbiting peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert.. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction within its field range, which like gravity is unlimited but whose intensity reduces by the square of the distance from the original source. A minute amount of Governmentium located within one football field of length away causes a single event to take over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons in a given location reach a certain concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium -- an element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

[theDentist]

Gave him a glass of heavy water and a piece of yellow cake and sent him down to sleep.

[Irish_Thatcherite]

I know I am, so what are you?

[Irish_Thatcherite]

The dirty.....

[EsmeraldaA]

I am just a little this.

[Irish_Thatcherite]

I am just a little this.

A nekkid angel????

[patton]

Radiant. LOL. She was.

[EsmeraldaA]

Angels are not nekkid!
Not ever.

Didn't you see the wings??

SHEEEESH!

[Irish_Thatcherite]

I saw the wings... and that red dress she wasn't wearing.

[irons_player]

LOL

[EsmeraldaA]

You mean this red dress?

It was at the cleaners....

[Irish_Thatcherite]

And she has nothing else to wear?

Angels are NEVER nekkid? They must have no fun so....

[EsmeraldaA]

*They must have no fun so....*So.....what? what?

Anyway.....they are happy when you are.

[Irish_Thatcherite]

Anyway.....they are happy when you are.

Do they laugh when I go to the toilet?

[EsmeraldaA]

Sometimes......that depends on a number of things.
How did you know?

LOL!

[Irish_Thatcherite]

I guessed. Omniscience, or something.

[EsmeraldaA]

Most be the something part.

Were you worried about your dignity?
hehe hehe

[Irish_Thatcherite]

I didn't want them to see me crap.

[EsmeraldaA]

*Mental image*

YIKES!

[Irish_Thatcherite]

*Mental image*

I thought angels could see everything, they don't have to imagine anything?

[EsmeraldaA]

True.
But once one sees it, forever in one's mind.