California to Secede From Union

http://www.nationalledger.com/artman/publish/printer_1626.shtml ^ | Chris Davis

[cyborg]

Sacramento—In a bold, yet unexpected move, California has decided to dissolve all ties with the United States of America. It is reported, that on Tuesday, November 15, 2005, the California legislature will vote to secede from the Union.

The vote comes in an answer to the agonizing defeat of Governor Schwarzenegger’s propositions at the voting booths. The voters have made it clear that they don’t want any change in California. They have demonstrated to Governor Schwarzenegger that they want to leave things alone, keep the status quo.

“I’m glad the propositions went down,” stated Autumn Keely, a registered Democrat. “I’m especially glad Proposition 75 fell. We just can’t let Governor Schwarzenegger stick it to the unions. Those people work hard for their pay. They should be able to throw unlimited amounts of money at their candidates. But this is what happens when you elect a former Nazi to office.”

The losing propositions were 73, 74, 75, 76, 77 and seventy-eight. The proposition defeats were followed by the gun ban in San Francisco, which sparked a liberal revolt that has led to the expected vote on Tuesday. The measure, Proposition H, would ban the possession, manufacture, distribution, sale and transfer of firearms and ammunition within San Francisco.

The ordinance is reportedly supposed to take effect on January 1, 2006, but San Francisco residents would have until April 1, 2006, to surrender their handguns to police. However, the NRA is going to challenge the matter in court.

“This ban probably won’t withstand legal challenges,” commented Mayor Gavin Newsome. “But what a wonderful world it would be if those right wing nut jobs and their guns were banned. That would be heaven! The legislature must vote to secede now before those NRA wackos have time to get a court date!”

With the defeat of the propositions that have rendered Governor Schwarzenegger impotent, the secession was only a matter of time. The liberal tide has turned in California as they prepare to create a socialist utopia, saying no to Bush and to all Republicans.

Poll after poll showed it was an election that Californians didn’t want, with a total lineup of eight initiatives that didn’t even come close to every day issues such as gas price gouging, housing costs and the illegitimate war in Iraq. The voters basically told Governor Schwarzenegger to go back to the drawing board.

State Senate leader Don Perata, a Democrat from Oakland, said Tuesday night that Schwarzenegger had sowed the seeds of his own demise by taking on the full gamut of public workers, who made up more than half of the union members in California. “He asked for it and we gave it to him,” fired Perata. “I hope he’s not too disappointed. Just wait till we secede from the Union. It’ll be one for the ages. Long live the Socialist Republic of California!”

Governor Schwarzenegger is vigorously fighting the vote and reports that he’ll veto any legislation presented to him involving secession. “I’m not going to stand by and let these left wing weenies run my state,” leveled Schwarzenegger. “I’m going to do something about it. I think it’s high time we cleaned house in Sacramento!”

Proposition 73, which forced an abortion provider to notify parents of minors seeking abortions, suffered narrow defeat for Schwarzenegger. The exit polls reportedly showed voters wondering whether government should be involved with parental notification.

“I think the government should stay out of my kids’ bedroom,” said Joe Birnbaum, a 53-year old unemployed factory worker. “What goes on in my daughter’s bedroom stays in her bedroom. That’s why I voted no to Prop 73.”

“I’m sick and tired of these Christian conservatives invading my privacy. If my 14-year old daughter wants an abortion without notifying me, that’s just fine. These Christians need to keep their praying and their bibles to themselves,” fired Natty Goldman, a welfare recipient and mother of six.

As Democrats get geared up to vote on secession, some new mottos are being bandied about. Some of them include: “Californa, a whole other country;” “California, a utopian escape from conservatism;” and California, a socialist’s paradise.”

Now that the conservative propositions have been defeated, California has landed a one-two punch to Governor Schwarzenegger, leaving the legislature’s sudden decision to secede as the last step in rebellion. As Black Tuesday approaches, America looks on in utter disbelief and wonders if the California legislature has lost touch with all reality.

[writer33]

Still, even if those votes dissappeared, they'd probably demand some sort of "Election Fairness Doctrine". My guess is that the spineless pubbies would give it to them.

How true? Thanks for reading, CB. I appreciate it.

[writer33]

Thanks for the bump, E.G.C.

[Pajamajan]

"Uh, FR is based in Fresno, CA"

Why can't California secede from Sacremento, San Francisco, and Los Angeles?- They (Sacrem.,SanFran,LA,) can then declare themselves a seperate planet and leave the rest of us alone.

Not all of Cali is flaming liberal.

[writer33]

Thanks for reading, bitt. I appreciate it.

[writer33]

And don't the rest of you even THINK of coming to the Independent Republic of Kaleefornia without a passport! And we're going to charge you DOUBLE for Disneyland and you have to bathe first before you swim in OUR ocean!

Hehe!

[writer33]

Thanks for reading, mp. Glad you enjoyed it.

[writer33]

Thanks for reading, BOT. I apprecite it. I'm sorry to disappoint you.

[Pajamajan]

Oh, wait, I just thought of something - If they secede, I don't have to pay my speeding ticket right?

[writer33]

"Proposition H" for San Francisco is a hoot for those who caught it.

That was actually passed by the city. Thanks for reading. I do appreciate it.

[writer33]

Let them go. Let them go.

I'm detecting a bit of animosity toward California. I don't understand how that could happen. I'm in shock.

:)

[writer33]

Then the rest of California—conservative California—could retain its membership in the Union since they actually tend to think like patriotic Americans!

I like this idea. And thanks for reading, Tony. I do appreciate it.

[Texas Songwriter]

As long as they cannot join NAFTA

[Vision]

Sacramento—In a bold, yet unexpected move, California has decided to dissolve all ties with the United States of America. It is reported, that on Tuesday, November 15, 2005, the California legislature will vote to secede from the Union.

Oh Please Lord. Let these idiots achieve their their dreams. America would be such a better country without California...as Reagan turns in his grave

[billbears]

That is the only bumper sticker I have ever put on a vehicle. Put it on my truck last year

[Blue Jays]

AMF!

[writer33]

Somehow, I knew you'd pick up on that. Glad you enjoyed it, calrighty. Thanks for reading.

[Torie]

California would be Dem heaven, except that it is bankrupt, and anything more than marginal tax increases, would not increase revenues except in the very short run, as businesses flee. Thus the Dems don't have any money to spend, really, except by raiding the federal treasury, and that will require someone other than a Texan not interested in California's fiscal mess, in the white house, to get the money train going. California is less interested in seceding, and in more interested in a federal handout.

[writer33]

Thanks for reading, Richard. I appreciate it.

[writer33]

Good country appointees. It's perfect for the Socialist Republic of California.

[durasell]

California actually receives less Federal money than it pays out. Despite social climate in the state, California remains a vital economic, technological and cultural hub.