At Center of a Clash, Rowdy Children in Coffee Shops

The New York Times ^ | November 9, 2005 | JODI WILGOREN

[John Robertson]

....Soon, whispers of a boycott passed among the playgroups in this North Side neighborhood, once an outpost of avant-garde artists and hip gay couples but now a hot real estate market for young professional families shunning the suburbs.

"I love people who don't have children who tell you how to parent," said Alison Miller, 35, a psychologist, corporate coach and mother of two. "I'd love for him to be responsible for three children for the next year and see if he can control the volume of their voices every minute of the day."

Mr. McCauley, 44, said the protesting parents were "former cheerleaders and beauty queens" who "have a very strong sense of entitlement." In an open letter he handed out at the bakery, he warned of an "epidemic" of antisocial behavior.

[John Robertson]

This is a story about the power and effect of the professional mother--that particular American subspecies of subhuman, 25-45, who thinks hers is the first generation of women to have children--that really knows how to raise them. She also thinks that the rest of us had better make way for her little darling. I pity her husband, who must be a completely neutered drayhorse to let her raise the kids this way; I pity the kids, who are being formed into louts; I pity society, which will crumble if their kind ever reaches critical mass (of course, we may be there already).

The owner of this coffee shop will suffer a loss of business, likely. I don't see this issue as parents versus nonparents, by the way. I see it as the selfish and self-centered and priveleged versus the civilized and reasonable and commonsensical. Not to suggest that the latter are generally conservatives, but the former are overwhelmingly reliably very liberal. Where did that come? Real time in the trenches in various latte outposts; also, verified reports from trusted observers on the Upper West Side and Santa Monica. I have been seated at a cup-sized table when an early-30s woman plopped her infant (a sociopath in the making, surely) onto the table six inches from mine, undid his shit-filled diaper to change him, and was huffy when I asked, What the hell is wrong with you? He needs changed! she shrieked, in tone that suggested I must be deficient in three or four different ways if I didn't understand that. (Thank God she didn't have to take a crap--apparently, with her approach to life, she would have done it right there on the floor.) Everyone else agreed, but being cowardly sheep, just looked into their now-stinky latte foam. I burned her Volvo SUV to the chassis, gouged out her eyes and murdered her parents--was that an overreaction? Methinks not! No wonder I always get takeout.

[D.P.Roberts]

Well said.

[John Robertson]

Thanks. You are my new best friend.

[InvisibleChurch]

well, if it gets rid of avant-garde artists and hip gay couples then that's not a bad price to pay

[msnimje]

I have a suggestion:

Stop giving the kids COFFEE!

:0)

[RebelBanker]

This same story was posted earlier and I believe the consensus was that parents trying desperately to raise their kids right are much more offended by this sort of nonsense than non-parents are. Mrs. Reb and I make Herculean efforts to ensure that out 3 1/2 year old bundle of energy does not make a nuisance of himself. We have not taken him to a sit-down restaurant in over a year because he will not behave long enough - he gets bored and fussy and there is not much we can do about it. When we go shopping, one of us is always ready to get him out of the store in case he acts up.

[SteveMcKing]

Not enough English nannys in this world.

[HuntsvilleTxVeteran]

It is always nice to see well mannered children in a cafe or restaurant.
Brats parents always get mad at me when I offer my belt to them.

[coconutt2000]

I was thinking about this the other day, and I don't have children of my own.

Every child a parent raises is like an experiment with millions of variables, no controls, and no do-overs. And what a parent learns from raising their first child isn't always applicable to the second child. In fact, the only variable a parent can control is themselves - and as every adult who grew up in a large family, parents are rarely consistent from child to child.

[speekinout]

I burned her Volvo SUV to the chassis, gouged out her eyes and murdered her parents--was that an overreaction?

Will you please visit my local Barnes & Noble with the attached Starbucks? I would be forever grateful. :-)

[DB]

"...Alison Miller, 35, a psychologist..."

What more do you need to know?

In general it seems the most screwed up children belong to a parent that's also a psychologist...

[Numbers Guy]

I think it's a more general issue. Lots of people today think they (and the people that they're with) are the only people who exist in the world.

It can be a parent with a screaming child who thinks the whole world should ignore the screaming (and heaven forbid anyone expect the parent to do anything to quiet or discipline the child).

It can be somebody driving 55 in the left lane on the freeway while chatting on a cell phone.

It can be someone who gets into the Express Line at the supermarket with 25 items.

It can be a person who creeps through a parking lot, holding up a whole bunch of cars, waiting for the perfect parking space to open up.

All have one thing in common: A total lack of awareness that there are other people anyhwere near them, and a total inability to understand how others might feel about their situation.

[neodad]

said the protesting parents were "former cheerleaders and beauty queens"

Former Panther cheerleaders, by any chance?

[Jaded]

mark for tommorrow, after coffee

[hoppity]

This is a story about the power and effect of the professional mother--that particular American subspecies of subhuman, 25-45, who thinks hers is the first generation of women to have children--that really knows how to raise them.

Like this?

[MontanaBeth]

"I'd love for him to be responsible for three children for the next year and see if he can control the volume of their voices every minute of the day."

I raised four children and they were taught very early in life how to behave in public. I always got compliments on their good behavior. Mother's now, allow their kids to run wild, in stores and restaurants. They don't even attempt to make them behave. Don't blame the kids, blame the parents.

[MontanaBeth]

No truer words spoken, Numbers Guy.

[KarinG1]

It's probably just me, but this seems plumb strange. Have parents lost the ability to beat their children? Mine never did. I'll sure be glad if this dern pollen ever lets up so I can cut back on the Benadryl.

[metmom]

We never took our kids out unless we knew they would behave. I remember one time going into a restaurant with our 1 1/2 year old son and his older sister (3). We got a dirty look from the people across the way, but after the kids sat there and colored and quietly ate their meal, the other older couple came over and complimented us on their behavior. I was so proud of my kids. Sad to say, I couldn't blame the other folks for their initial reaction because I've seen too many spoiled rotten brats literally tearing up a restaurant, running around tables and yelling. I had the advantage of having kids who loved to eat out enough that the threat of not taking them out if they misbehaved, worked.

[metmom]

"It can be a person who creeps through a parking lot, holding up a whole bunch of cars, waiting for the perfect parking space to open up."

LOLLOL!! Some people spend more time looking for the perfect spot than it would take if they parked a few spaces further away and walked. And with gas prices the way they are, I wouldn't waste the gas. What's worse is the person who sits in an idling car behind a row of parked cars waiting for someone to come out of the store, so they can be the first one to grab the spot.