What's a Modern Girl to Do?

New York Times ^ | 30 October 2005 | Maureen Dowd

[shrinkermd]

When I entered college in 1969, women were bursting out of theirs 50's chrysalis, shedding girdles, padded bras and conventions. The Jazz Age spirit flared in the Age of Aquarius. Women were once again imitating men and acting all independent: smoking, drinking, wanting to earn money and thinking they had the right to be sexual, this time protected by the pill. I didn't fit in with the brazen new world of hard-charging feminists. I was more of a fun-loving (if chaste) type who would decades later come to life in Sarah Jessica Parker's Carrie Bradshaw. I hated the grubby, unisex jeans and no-makeup look and drugs that zoned you out, and I couldn't understand the appeal of dances that didn't involve touching your partner. In the universe of Eros, I longed for style and wit. I loved the Art Deco glamour of 30's movies. I wanted to dance the Continental like Fred and Ginger in white hotel suites; drink martinis like Myrna Loy and William Powell; live the life of a screwball heroine like Katharine Hepburn, wearing a gold lamé gown cut on the bias, cavorting with Cary Grant, strolling along Fifth Avenue with my pet leopard.

[GreatOne]

I think that Stage 2 is probably most responsible. Everyone gets unhappy during a marriage, which is why it is important to surround yourself with good friends and family. As soon as they get reinforcement for their feeling unhappy, instead of someone telling them to buck up or look at themselves for their unhappiness, they start sliding on an ice patch downward.

[PLMerite]

I'm 45 and single. I wouldn't necessarily kick her conservative twin out of bed.

[marajade]

She just didn't penn the article for herself.

[bfree]

You are right, there are a whole lot of miserable ones out there. Only a fool would get involved with them. Why take on their misery.

[marajade]

I'm an old married woman and I enjoyed the article.

[Clara Lou]

I think ol' Molly hit her apex back there with Ann Richards. The two shrews lost, and it's been downhill since then. Heh heh!

[Graybeard58]

bttt

[bigsigh]

bttttttttt

[RWR8189]

Didn't all her junk get moved to Times Select?

I thought I'd never have to see it again...

[rcocean]

"I think most guys would rather share a small apartment with a woman who is reasonably attractive, has a high libido, generally cheerful, and is fun to hang around with, than share a mansion with a harpy you're always fighting with. Any guy here disagree with me?"

Exactly. It's not that most men DISLIKE successful women, its that they DON"T CARE.

MODO sounds like the "smart" plain girls in High School who couldn't understand why the Homecoming King or HS quarterback went out with the "airhead" cheerleader. I mean, what would they talk about?

Men have always prefered young, Beautiful, fun, level headed women. They don't really care if you're "successful" or not successful and or that you have an IQ of 160 or an IQ of 100.

[ninonitti]

thank you

[packrat35]

Gene Tierney, one of the most beautiful women EVER

[Windcatcher]

"To the male posters on this thread: Are you trying to protect your 'eggshell egos from high-achieving women?!'"

From my standpoint, women can "achieve" or not. When I consider a woman the question I ask is how stressful a life I will have with her a part of it. My goal is a life that's fulfilling, filled with happiness, and, most of all, as free of stress as possible. If it looks like stress will be a necessary part of having her in my life, then I just walk away. I don't get bitter about it -- there isn't any reason or purpose in becoming bitter -- it's just a simple question of priorities. I've learned from my friends' painful experiences that there are worse things than being single.

[SauronOfMordor]

I'm 45 and single. I wouldn't necessarily kick her conservative twin out of bed.

I wouldn't either (although my wife would!)

MoDo doesn't get it. She comes across as a bitter psycho-b*tch, and then wonders why guys aren't banging on her door

[SauronOfMordor]

From my standpoint, women can "achieve" or not. When I consider a woman the question I ask is how stressful a life I will have with her a part of it. My goal is a life that's fulfilling, filled with happiness, and, most of all, as free of stress as possible.

That's what a lot of women don't get, as I noted in my # 82

When guys look for a woman, having her be somebody they can enjoy life with is very high on the scale. What she makes is generally much lower on the priority list, particularly for the more successful men who already have the money they need

What many career women don't understand (or refuse to understand) is that, for many men, the purpose of a successful career is to enable them to attract and keep a woman who will have an interest in keeping them happy

If the woman does a good job of making him happy, the guy won't care if she's CEO or cleaning lady

[benjaminjjones]

Menopause is cruel.

My thought exactly. Glad I searched first to avoid repeating repeating the comment.

[beckett]

I kind of guessed anecdotally that married women had dropped the pretention of hyphenated names, but still it's interesting to learn from Dowd that the numbers have dropped so dramatically.

Friedan flat out lied when she talked about marriage as a "comfortable concentration camp." She was lying about her own marriage (she dominated her husband from the gitgo), and she was lying about the real nature of most marriages. Gender complimentarity, and the sex roles that go along with it, have evolved over eons. The deep satisfactions that comprise those "comfortable" roles are, I would say, virtually impossible to eradicate, at least certainly not by a few pea-brained rhetoriticians, Friedan, Jong, Steinhem, MacKinnon, Dworkin, Dowd, et al.

[PropheticZero]

For the women on the thread: the fastest way to get a guy is to find a (preferrably single) guy who has qualities you can respect and admire, then go up to him and let him know what you respect and admire about him

Bingo. All this relationship garbage about men needing to be the hunter relates only to the 5% of males who feel comfortable (or cocky enough) going up to a lady completely cold knowing nothing having nothing in common and laying down some speel to get her to go out with you. These 5% work completely different than all the other guys.

The other 95% vary from slightly to immensely uncomfortable with this dating tactic.

To this majority, a woman showing interest (let alone respect and admiration) is something so valuable as to be considered priceless.

The only thing you have to take into account is that his first reaction is probably gonna be wondering whether or not your setting him up to burn him somehow. But with steadfast attention a good woman can turn any guy around.

[RJL]

I kind of guessed anecdotally that married women had dropped the pretention of hyphenated names, but still it's interesting to learn from Dowd that the numbers have dropped so dramatically.

It’s funny thinking about MoDo and her type who would laugh derisively at a Jim-Bob, but think it’s the height of sophistication for a woman to have a hyphenated surname.

[WillamShakespeare]

I`ll never forget right after 911 when this Dowd wrote of NYC firemen, that they now seemed "reasonable attractive" because of their heroics..It was something like "The firemen we women wouldn`t give the time of day to now seemed reasonably attractive to us.." What kind of self absorbed bonafide a-hole would write something like that? This woman is a psycho, and she should get over Michael Douglas..It`s driving her crazy, or I should say has driven her crazy.