Big Girls Don't Cry (Women Crying in the Workplace)

New York Times ^ | October 13, 2005 | STEPHANIE ROSENBLOOM

[nickcarraway]

WHEN women first joined the executive ranks of corporate America a generation ago, they donned sober slacks and button-down shirts. They carried standard-issue briefcases and adopted their male colleagues' stoicism.

More than two decades later, women have stopped trying to behave like men, trading in drab briefcases for handbags and embracing men's wear only if it is tailored to their curves. Yet there is one taboo from the earlier, prefeminist workplace that endures: women are not allowed to cry at the office. It is a potentially career-marring mistake that continues to be seen as a sign of weakness or irrationality, no less by women themselves than by men.

For evidence consider a recent episode of NBC's "Apprentice: Martha Stewart," in which a young woman whose team had just lost a flower-selling contest told Ms. Stewart that she felt like crying. Her admission elicited no sympathy from her prospective employer, only blunt career advice.

"Cry and you are out of here," Ms. Stewart said. "Women in business don't cry, my dear."

Women in politics don't either, judging by Geena Davis's performance as the steely Mackenzie Allen on ABC's "Commander in Chief." Discussing the pilot episode, in which Allen navigates a political minefield to ascend to the office of president of the United States, Ms. Davis told a reporter from The Chicago Sun-Times, "I did not cry in my pilot - no!"

For reasons both biological and social, scientists and sociologists say, women are more inclined than men to feel the urge to cry when they are frustrated. Yet Martha Stewart is not the only woman executive who expects her underlings to remain dry-eyed. Many other workplace veterans also impose the rule and through seminars, books, Web sites and private conversations, recommend tricks for how to follow it.

[Generic_Login_1787]

I only cried at work once, when my father died. But that was behind closed doors when I had to tell my boss. Out in the main office, I kept as blank as I could, quickly tied up my loose ends, and left.

I've never cried for a work-related reason, but I came close once after three months of 60-hour weeks combined with an emotional ... well, not a triangle, more like a square, and the other three people were around CONSTANTLY. But I kept it together.

I have my own staff now, and a girl right out of college wept in front of me three separate times, all in private. The first time I wrote it off as a bad day, but the second I didn't and the third I ignored and went right on with the meeting. I can understand being overwhelmed by personal problems and reaching your breaking point at the office, but if the job itself is overwhelming, it's not for you.

[DumpsterDiver]

You're gonna cry cry, cry, cry, now
You're gonna cry cry, cry, cry

Well, that brings back some memories. LOL

96 Tears
Artist: ? & The Mysterians
Year: 1966
Week peaked: 10/24/1966

[luckystarmom]

So when I cried when I found out that my dad had complications during surgery and could die at any moment, and when I cried when I got a phone call that my grandmohter had died I was attempting to elicit sympathy and trying to manipulate others.

Whom I always just thougt I was sad about my dad and grandmother. Silly me.

[MarkL]

The rule for guys is, no crying, anywhere.

Well, that's the rule for us "seasoned" guys.

Sorry, NOT TRUE!

Guys are allowed to shed a few tears during the movies "Brian's Song" and "Old Yeller."

Those are the exceptions to the rule.

Mark

[MarkL]

My wife died 5 years ago, totally beautiful, very loving, and quite young.

I still cry... just not as much.

When a close friend, pet, or family member dies, then it's perfectly understandable to cry.

I think that this article is talking more about crying in the workplace, over work related things.

Mark

[MarkL]

And as I mentioned in another post, losing a long-time pet, close friend, or family member, is another reason a man might cry.

But workplace events? Not in public.

Mark

[StolarStorm]

You're missing the whole point of this article. It refers to crying in the workplace as a result of office issues, not personal tragedies.

Crying because one becomes "frustrated" (as stated in the article) or as a result of conflict involving work issues IS manipulation. It's a tactic I've seen many times.

[webheart]

I adapted it to be relevant for my purposes.

Suuuuure you did.

[tortoise]

Suuuuure you did.

Heh. No, really. I can see that I will never catch a break in this world. :-)

[Beckwith]

I used to teach post-graduates.

At the beginning of each new semester, I announced the rules for the class.

Men, No kicking or punching out the walls.

Women, no crying.

Both are a loss of control that can't be tolerated in the professional workplace.

[fire_eye]

Bingo.

I don't want to see any sort of visceral reaction at work, and I don't care who it's from - male, female, animal, vegetable, mineral, or Demonrat.

I'm an engineer. You will adhere to principles of scientific objectivity in your job or I will have you for dinner. (Cookiing optional.) (With or without fava beans.)

[Northern Alliance]

The rule for guys is, no crying, anywhere.

Yet nobody (including me) is upset at George Bush 'tearing up' as has happened publicly many times.

I think the difference is that in business someone crying is probably doing so over something that directly affects them. A male or female politician crying over some personal scandal would also be met with derision, but not in the case of crying over the suffering of others or just being overwhelmed with emotion.

[King Prout]

men are allowed to cry after burying a mate, close friend, or pet. that's it. and only in private, afterward. period.

[Rightly Biased]

What about

"Rub some dirt on it" ?

[Lazamataz]

I'm a man, and I constantly am sobbing in my cubicle.

[Lazamataz]

The rule for guys is, no crying, anywhere.

That made me cry.

[Lazamataz]

I even teared up over a Commercial once.

The Hamburglar sends me into tears every time Ronald McDonald foils one of his nefarious plots.

[Lazamataz]

Also learned at a young age not to gossip. Thank God I have learned this early.

That's not the talk at the water cooler.

[Lazamataz]

Well it's ok to cry in the bathroom :')

ANYthing is okay in the bathroom.

[Lazamataz]

I don't consider it a sign of weakness or irrationality, but rather a disgusting attempt to elicit sympathy and to manipulate others.

Precisely why I do it at each and every yearly review.