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The Smart Girls guide

1. Dinner- Whomever gets home first starts it, the other then has to wash the dishes. If you both are too tired...eat out.

2. OR just take a warm bath, can call out for pizza.

3. Don't expect anymore from him than he'd expect from you. IOW, just give each other space and share the newspaper.

4. Hire a housekeeper, unless you really like spending all your free time with a vacuumn cleaner and trying to figure out how to operate that iron thingie.

5. Have a 'his mess' are and a 'your mess' area. Both are sacred. Don't mess in his mess and he can't mess in yours.

6. Get a gas fireplace with a remote. Heck, get two...
One for his area and the other for yours.

7. Don't have kids. Or at least get real quite ones that are born able to dress, feed and drive themselves everywhere.

8. Be as happy to see him as he is to see you, then go to your areas and leave each other the heck alone.

9. Smile if you feel like it.

10. Pretend to listen to him. You know he's only pretending with you. Even better, paste pictures of Adrian Paul, Gerard Butler etc to underside of your glass coasters. Then you can day dream while he's talking.

11. Alternate 'whose night this is' --- and flip a coin over 'whose night this is' on Sunday.

12. Your goal: To try to keep the neighbors from calling the law, your family calling you a failure and your dreams being totally dashed.

13. Don't greet him with complaints and problems. Greet him with the same list of things that met you when you got home. Do the 'coin flip' thing on who gets to fix what.

14. Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Because you picked up your purse and headed out too...cuz there was a phone number on the bottom of coaster #5

15. Make him and yourself comfortable--- See mess areas above. Leave him in his while you go off to your own.

16. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. If your name is "Lassie" and you like being called "B!tch" other wise, if he's an adult male, he can figure out his own shoes.

17. Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. You KNOW how good his judgment is and as for integrity, see the part about being out all night. Just keep it quid pro quo and all will be just fine.

18. A good wife always knows her place....which is in a warm bubble bath, eating Domino's pizza while watching "Troy" (Sound off) and thumbing through the lastest catalogue from Good Vibrations.