by Uncle Vlad
Let him get his own damn dinner. You’ve worked all day yourself, and it’s high time the big baby learned something about domestic self-reliance.
Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him. When you’ve learned how to fake sincerity, your relationship will be a happy one.
Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. Make sure he finds your girlfriend and you in the sack together when he gets home.
Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. Take care never to tell him they’re not his children.
Don’t complain if he comes home late for dinner or even stays out all night. You can always find your own action through the personal ads in your local alternative newspaper.
Don’t greet him with complaints or problems. Leave that job to your lawyer.
Prepare yourself. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. After all, if this farce of a marriage doesn’t work out, you’ll want to look good if you find yourself back on the market.
Clear away the clutter to ensure a tranquil evening. Take care to hide any articles of men’s clothing that aren’t his.
Question everything. You didn’t spend thousands of dollars and years in therapy to be some rube’s doormat.
A good wife knows her place—with her foot firmly on the nape of her husband’s neck.