Reminds me of the time I was in court, watching the proceedings from the gallery. My mom's no-good brother was facing breaking-and-entering charges, and my mom dragged up boys down there in case we were needed as character witnesses.
(That wouldn't have done any good - I thought my uncle was a scumbag, and wasn't about to perjure myself over his a$$)
Anyway, as the accused perps were standing before The Man, this Ronald McDonald-looking dude facing a possession charge offered this little gem in his defense:
"Your Honor, I'll have you know that I only smoke the purest of pot."
My brothers and I had a hell of a time keeping from busting up laughing at that guy's idiocy.
I used to know a guy that had to appear in court for a burglary charge and he made sure every stitch he was wearing had been stolen in other burglaries, ring, hat and shoes too. He laughed & laughed about standing in front of the judge like that.
Can't imagine why that wouldn't impress a judge. LOL