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Scene: Red State Stadium, Red State Benjis versus Blue State Pit Bulls, top of the ninth, score 5-2 for the Pit Bulls, bases loaded, two outs. Benjis manager Dubya Bush is fretting over a pinch hitter. He's got Mighty Mike Luttig (.900), Mauler McConnell (.912), and Sluggin' Rogers-Brown (.995) taking practice swings. He casts a wistful glance in their direction and his lips begin to form a command, when Pit Bulls manager Dingy Harry Reid unleashes a flood of foul invective in Bush's direction.

Dingy: "$%#@%*^&! Don't you even dare look at those chumps, chump! You pick one of them and I swear by the ghost of Abner Doubleday I will command the boo birds to boo and the elements to unleash a Hurricane of abuse on you the likes mankind has not seen since Katrina had her way with New Orleans!"

Dubya: "I'll, I'll . . . I'll put who I WANNA up to bat."

Dingy: "Man, you're dense. You ain't gonna put nobody up that I ain't personally approved. If I have to do it, I got the votes to force this thing into a delay until storms make it impossible to continue."

Dubya: "But Frist . . . ."

Dingy (contemptuously): "Frist, the limp wrist? You gotta be kidding. Remember what happened last time you appealed to him? You really want to see him get humiliated again? But I can give you some more of that--a LOT more--if you really want."

Dubya: "I . . . I . . . don't think you are tough as you say you are."

Dingy: "Try me, cowboy." (spits a wad of tobacco onto Bush's shirt)

Dubya (plaintively): "Will you at least let me put SOMEONE up to bat?"

Dingy: "One person."

Dubya: "Who, sir?"

Dingy: "Your batboy, Harriet."

Dubya: "Harriet? I hadn't even thought of her. But you know, she's wiry and tough, even if she is blind in the right eye. And I don't know that anyone else on the team has spent more time holding a bat."

Dingy: "Put her up to bat, slick. I'll even allow her to swing."

Dubya summons Harriet, who squeals with nervousness and delight, and takes her place at the plate.

Scene: High in the stadium are perched three indefatigable Dubya fans.

1st Fan: "He's putting in the batboy Harriet to pinch hit."

2nd Fan: "We just have to trust him. He knows Harriet's true abilities better than any of us."

3rd Fan: "I don't know . . ."

2nd Fan: "Quick! Give me the emergency photo! She's starting to doubt!"

1st Fan hands 2nd Fan a photo of Dubya in a flight suit, who thrusts it in front of 3rd Fan.

3rd Fan: *Squeal* "What a brilliant man, what a leader!"