[Melas]

I can instantly see what's wrong with your equation. Most marriages aren't childless and there aren't any children in your equation. Try again.

[HitmanLV]

If children are added to the principle, it doesn't change it too much.

Children or not, if your spouse doesn't want to breathe the same air as you and would rather be with someone else, you don't have much to say about it as a practical matter.

If the couple tries to work it out, children do complicate matters but in some ways a lot of folks don't consider. The added investment of energy naturally creates added stresses.

In the childless example I gave, those stresses are sometimes taken out on the self, sometimes the spouse, and sometimes with other folks not in the immediate family.

Add children to the mix and now those added stresses are taken out on the self, sometimes the spouse, and sometimes the children, sometimes other folks not in the immediate family.

The children will invariably suffer if the two people try to make it work or if they don't try to make it work. In other words, the children were hurt when the decision was made to cheat, which created the dynamic I am talking about.

So the kids are hurt in either example. In mathematical terms, it appears on both sides of the equation (with kids/without kids), so continuing with the mathematics metaphor, it cancels itself out.

The kids are hurting no matter what. Don't read that as an endorsement for hurting kids: it's just that the harm is done when one partner cheats, not when the wronged partner decides they don't want to invest the energy in the relationship.

In any case, investing energy in children is always important, and as I explained it's a variable on both sides of the equation.

[HitmanLV]

Actually I misstated it a bit and want to be clearer. If children are in the picture, they are hurt no matter what course of action is taken.

If the two parties try to reconcile the added stresses will be taken out on any children around from time to time. They suffer a harm.

If one party leaves, the children will absorb the added stresses of that situation. They suffer harm.

So they have been hurt when the decision has been made to cheat and natural consequences follow. Whether they try to make it work or not, the children suffer a harm.

It cancels itself out.