Woman in power is powerless when it comes to meeting men

http://www.mcall.com/ ^ | September 17, 2005 | Amy Alkon

[teldon30]

Dear Amy: I'd like to be in a relationship again, but I never even get asked out (unless you count frisky 85-year-olds and drunks at the corner bar). I'm a 32-year-old woman who's happy, sociable, and attractive. (I paid for college by modeling and continue to take care of myself.) I'm second-in-command at a big company, financially secure, and own a beautiful home. How can I meet men in general, and more specifically, men I'd actually want to date?

Deluxe Chopped Liver

Dear Deluxe: To scare away vampires, it takes garlic and crosses, which make ugly bulges in sleek, satin evening bags. Luckily, all you have to do to scare away men is pull out a business card that says ''senior vice president.''

''Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac,'' said Henry Kissinger. Sure it is — unless you're a woman. Research by Stephanie L. Brown and Brian P. Lewis, published in Evolution and Human Behavior (Nov. '04), seems to confirm what many lonely women at the top already know: When guys go for the woman in the boardroom, it isn't the woman running the meeting but the secretary who wheeled in the coffee and croissants before it started.

Sure, plenty of men will scamper up the corporate ladder for a one-night stand. But, according to Brown and Lewis' study, men looking for dates or relationships tend to prefer their subordinates to their colleagues or bosses. The researchers hypothesize that men evolved to want women they can control as a means of guarding against ''parental uncertainty'' — unwittingly raising kids fathered by the Neanderthal next door as their own. Brown and Lewis think this may also explain why men are suckers for ''behavioral expressions of vulnerability'' — women who act like they might not be able to make it across the street

[Mr. Jeeves]

40 is the new 30 for men. 40 is still the end of the road for a woman who wants to be a mother. Biology just ain't fair, but there it is.

[Finny]

Granted, I'd adore staying home all day...but only with a maid to do all that icky housework that I loathe.

My mother hardly stayed at home all day, and the only reason I do (at this point) is because I work from a home office. Providing a supportive environment is not the same as staying home all day -- God knows there are millions of wives who stay home all day and provide anything BUT a supportive environment for their poor hubbies! I think I might have said it better if I had stressed the importance of believing in his dreams and aspirations with him, and encouraging him to pursue them, and to share the sacrifices needed to accomplish them.

To me, THAT is much of the intrinsic value of a happy marriage. Entertainment value is as close as a puppy or a plasma TV screen. Entirely expendable and replaceable. Now, being a pretty good friend and someone who can (usually) cook a decent meal is much more valuable! ;^)

[pissant]

Let'd do it. LOL. Much better than working on electrical designs in the office! :o)

[papertyger]

Doesn't take a mind reader to know within a short period of time if your on a date with a feminist or a conservative

This statement is patently wrong. In American society today, *all* women are, to some degree, feminist.

[Luke21]

"But for males and females, physically, 40 in NOT the new 30. 40 is 40, and 30 is 30."

You are so right. I get tired of hearing people say, "Sixty (or some other year) isn't old." The heck it isn't. I'm 47 and am appalled by all the aches. I'm not talking about the exceptions or the superpeople out there. I'm talking about the average balding, paunchy, 47 year old slobs like myself out there.

Sorry for getting a bit off topic, but we do a real disservice to people when we ignore the aging process and think we're 25.

[marktwain]

Any of the five is a deal-killer on a first date. If she was sharing all of this in an hour and a half with a man she had just met, how much worse would she be on a date? It's obvious what her problem is - but it's unlikely she'll be able to remedy it in time to accomplish her goal.

There is an anonymity and a synergy that occurs on airplane flights. You are sitting next to someone you don't know and will likely never meet again, with nothing much to do.

It is a recipe for unburdening of the soul.

I have had somewhat similar things happen to me more than once.

[F16Fighter]

"I warned you, I'm a Goth."

Contact Robert Smith for lunch and collaborate on his next project.

[Monkey Face]

Tucson. My normal body temp is 96.7, so I need the heat to get my blood circulating. I'm often like a lizard on a rock, here!

;o]

[Mr. Jeeves]

It is men who miss the move..

If we miss it, it wan't enough of a move. ;) And the GPP type women don't make any type of move - they sit at the bar and make a sport of shooting down any man who doesn't remind them of Brad Pitt. Men waste far too much emotional energy on these types, who despite their physical attractiveness are best avoided.

Anyway, as I said before, it's the man's responsibility to make the first move - there's no need to wait for some sort of mostly invisible signal that she learned from last month's Cosmo.

LOL at your "67"...it's 50, actually, if the "half his age plus seven years" rule is respected, but your general point is valid.

[RightWhale]

we ignore the aging process and think we're 25

I used to be 25 and could act that way every day. Now I am over twice that and can act 25 only once or twice a week.

[girlangler]

I always found hanging out in the sporting goods departments or in an outfitter shop to be quite stimulating.

Just kidding, I'll be on the water or in the woods.

[HitmanLV]

Hey, I worked in large corporate law firms in nyc for most of the 1990s into the 2000s. I know many women who practiced law and overwhelmingly they were either in poor marriages (mostly because of neglect), divorced (mostly because of neglect), or alone and no/few prospects.

I said elsewhere on this thread that a lot of men don't want to humor the serious time demands of a career galpal or mate. I don't blame them - I don't want to, either.

Most men know enough to know when they find out what you do that you won't be around often (that is, you won't be around for him). That may or may not be unfair, but it is true just the same.

And even if it is unfair, men can get away with it. You're competing for sexual attention with many, many women who are attractive, young, fit and with traditional time schedules. All else being equal (looks, demeanor, personality), most men will reject the woman who is undependable (because she never knows exactly how late she will be working, is prone to suddenly canceling on plans or vacations because or work, etc) in favor of a woman who is more dependable when it comes to that kind of stuff.

One 'partner track' woman at my firm was very attractive and married, but worked very often and very hard. Too many late nights at the office meant ordering a crappy meal out. In time she wasn't nearly as attractive as she once was. We suddenly found out that her hubby left her for a younger and attractive (though not as attractive as she was at her peak) woman who worked for him (different field).

While most felt bad for her, I didn't. The truth was she terribly neglected her spouse so he replaced her with someone who wouldn't neglect him. I applaud that move, actually, whether it's a man or a woman who does the replacing - neglectful, bad spouses shouldn't be rewarded, they should be replaced.

So she got the career she wanted, and he got the spouse he wanted. Ultimately it's fair, even if it's unpalatable. One of my golden rules of life is 'everyone tends to get what they deserve, give or take a bit.' That's what happened in their case. I lost track of her but when I left the firm, she had no mate and no takers, and was negative about relationships. Sad thing is, even if she hit the gym and restored her looks, it wouldn't be enough. She just isn't selling what most men are buying.

[pissant]

Tucson is preferable to Phoenix, for sure. Beautiful neck of the woods. Though I'm not a lizard anymore, and prefer my cool moist Puget Sound air! :o)

[girlangler]

LOL!!!!!!!!!

[HitmanLV]

However thanks for your male insight, something to consider but I really prefer the type of man who see something he wants and has enought confidence to go after it without being afraid of rejection but then that's just me.

It's not just you, it's most women. You are more right about this than FOG724 is. Though you're both right to an extent.

[papertyger]

Clue: most blokes, myself included, like women who have at least some curves.

But generally speaking, the standard is more than one curve... ;^)

[HitmanLV]

However thanks for your male insight, something to consider but I really prefer the type of man who see something he wants and has enought confidence to go after it without being afraid of rejection but then that's just me.

It's not just you, it's most women. You are more right about this than FOG724 is. Though you're both right to an extent.

[SteveH]

keyboard spew alert

:-)

[girlangler]

LOL!!!

[XJarhead]

Let me provide you with a clue....women like to be pursued and courted.

I think they call that "stalking" nowadays.