Like this snappy little number?
Posted on 09/17/2005 6:59:48 AM PDT by teldon30
Dear Amy: I'd like to be in a relationship again, but I never even get asked out (unless you count frisky 85-year-olds and drunks at the corner bar). I'm a 32-year-old woman who's happy, sociable, and attractive. (I paid for college by modeling and continue to take care of myself.) I'm second-in-command at a big company, financially secure, and own a beautiful home. How can I meet men in general, and more specifically, men I'd actually want to date?
Deluxe Chopped Liver
Dear Deluxe: To scare away vampires, it takes garlic and crosses, which make ugly bulges in sleek, satin evening bags. Luckily, all you have to do to scare away men is pull out a business card that says ''senior vice president.''
''Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac,'' said Henry Kissinger. Sure it is — unless you're a woman. Research by Stephanie L. Brown and Brian P. Lewis, published in Evolution and Human Behavior (Nov. '04), seems to confirm what many lonely women at the top already know: When guys go for the woman in the boardroom, it isn't the woman running the meeting but the secretary who wheeled in the coffee and croissants before it started.
Sure, plenty of men will scamper up the corporate ladder for a one-night stand. But, according to Brown and Lewis' study, men looking for dates or relationships tend to prefer their subordinates to their colleagues or bosses. The researchers hypothesize that men evolved to want women they can control as a means of guarding against ''parental uncertainty'' — unwittingly raising kids fathered by the Neanderthal next door as their own. Brown and Lewis think this may also explain why men are suckers for ''behavioral expressions of vulnerability'' — women who act like they might not be able to make it across the street
(Excerpt) Read more at mcall.com ...
I certainly hope so. I am trying hard. BTW, today is our 3 months anniversary.
***And as far as choosing to be a leader at home when I became an attorney- 1) that's ridiculous and 2) it's not going to be traditionally male for much longer and 3) I am a woman that can take it off when I come home and let my feminine side come through at home, where it belongs. I know there are women that can't, and that is the alpha male-women you guys are talking about. But you can't punish a woman for becoming an attorney.***
Yes! A woman who shares my frustration (except I'm a CPA). Well said, lawgirl!
Just don't be subtle about your desire to have him pursue you. The problem is that the guy fears rejection. He is happy to do the work of pursuing and courting as long as he knows he's not going to be humiliated. You don't have to flash your breasts at him or anything. There's a right way to be subtly obvious.
double-pack responds:
Well I am past "the baby making stage" so I guess marriage is out for me then?
I think there's another purpose of getting married, though I am woefully old-fashioned: a good wife believes in, and provides a supporting environment, for her breadwinner husband. My dad could perhaps have been as successful as he was in his career(s), but the environment and confidence my mother provided helped immensely. I hope I have done the same for my sweetheart husband. We made no babies, alas, but our 16-year (so far!) marriage is strong and valuable just the same.
The funny thing is how the wise woman creates a productive environment for her husband. My mom, for example, appears to be in charge of the finances if only because she takes care of the mechanical details. To outward appearance, it looks like she's "the boss," and my dad is delighfully indifferent to appearances (one of his many endearing qualities). But the truth is, although my mom and dad have had a mostly equal partnership for their 57-year marriage, when push comes to shove, my dad has the final say, and always has, according to my wise and wonderful mom.
I really feel badly for all the confused women around today, who no more understand the dignity and power of feminine "submission" than they do the man on the moon. I have never believed that real men like to be pursued (except in the bedroom!). No matter what boys say, girl teens who call boys on the phone lose respect of those boys; the smart teen girl waits for the boy to call her, and if he doesn't ... then he flunks the test and she's better off in any case. THE TRICK of the smart and truly liberated female is to "pursue" in such a way that the guy thinks he is the one who made the first move.
Like this snappy little number?
Insane: Does not conform well to expected stereotypical behavior. IE: I am who I am, and it's complicated!! :-)
You've gotten a lot of replies to this line, most of them negative.
But I think you are right on.
In fact, the FReeper Wuss Brigade from the divorce threads would do well to tattoo this saying in reverse on their foreheads, so they can read it every morning while they are shaving and remind themselves of their obligations as men.
Your biggest problem is that you are living in the wrong part of the country. A female lawyer in a red BMW communicates something very different in Wisconsin than it would, say, here in the San Francisco Bay Area. You wouldn't stand out or send a negative message around here at all - just about every single woman drives an expensive foreign car. ;)
That's thoroughly ridiculous. Men are human beings, not dolls.
Regards, Ivan
no duh--but didn't she say earlier in her response that these men are more likely to want the "secretary?" so how does this corporate warrior princess go about bagging this accomplished fella?.. or go about letting him bag her?
Well you sound perfectly OK to me!
As a great man once said,
I yam what I yam....
Hey!
God bless your little heart Blurblogger, I certainly wasn't talking about a man in charge being one who mistreats a woman -- just the opposite.
You are trying to be one in a thousand and it is not by your own efforts that you will win but chance. That is not good odds. But visit VN anyway. It is a truly pleasant place to visit and loaded with vistas and sightseeing things as well as truly pleasant people.
You have identified the real problem of course. It is safe to ignore the elementary ed.-level theorizing of "evolutionary psychologists" because they have no empirical base--just armchair speculating, which I must admit beats actually working--or thinking, for that matter. The true issue is the intervening variable of what behaviors characterize occupationally successful careerists among women--and whether anyone thinks they are behaviors which are conducive to amorous dalliances and interpersonal attractiveness. I have worked with many such women in my career and have no issues with power and assertiveness. But as the article displays, such women have no idea what it takes to have an intimate relationship--point blank, they are driven, tend to be poor at attachment, and don't trust people much. Lots of fun on a lazy Saturday morning. Yeah.
Pretty much the story of my life. And to add, if you look aesthetically pleasing, you usually get used as shoulder candy and then dumped. Maybe that's the lady's problem. Guys treat her like shoulder candy.
Apackof2 said "Gee I never looked at it that way...I wondered why a man 15 years younger would be hitting on me, considering most men like women younger than themselves.....I guess that could explain it"
Could be because you look 15 years younger, and you're cute ;).
Ivan said "She wasn't a Goth. Sometimes one has to step out of the darkness."
I hear you, man. If I ever want to find myself a ladyfriend, I usually have to step out of the black Siouxie and the Banshees t-shirt and bondage jeans.
I had nearly the identical experience the other day in the tool section at Lowe's.
LOL! Now that's a money quote!
Interesting. That was the case with my father and mother as well, and they just had their 65th wedding anniversary. My mother did not have that feeling. She was being actively pursued by three men when she chose my father. They had nine children, and I feel lucky to have had them as parents.
Good luck.
THAT'S IT!!! We all need to hang out at Lowe's and Home Depot!!! hahahahaha My luck ....it would be someone's hubby out with a honey-do list in hand. SIGH.
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