Posted on 09/17/2005 6:59:48 AM PDT by teldon30
Dear Amy: I'd like to be in a relationship again, but I never even get asked out (unless you count frisky 85-year-olds and drunks at the corner bar). I'm a 32-year-old woman who's happy, sociable, and attractive. (I paid for college by modeling and continue to take care of myself.) I'm second-in-command at a big company, financially secure, and own a beautiful home. How can I meet men in general, and more specifically, men I'd actually want to date?
Deluxe Chopped Liver
Dear Deluxe: To scare away vampires, it takes garlic and crosses, which make ugly bulges in sleek, satin evening bags. Luckily, all you have to do to scare away men is pull out a business card that says ''senior vice president.''
''Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac,'' said Henry Kissinger. Sure it is — unless you're a woman. Research by Stephanie L. Brown and Brian P. Lewis, published in Evolution and Human Behavior (Nov. '04), seems to confirm what many lonely women at the top already know: When guys go for the woman in the boardroom, it isn't the woman running the meeting but the secretary who wheeled in the coffee and croissants before it started.
Sure, plenty of men will scamper up the corporate ladder for a one-night stand. But, according to Brown and Lewis' study, men looking for dates or relationships tend to prefer their subordinates to their colleagues or bosses. The researchers hypothesize that men evolved to want women they can control as a means of guarding against ''parental uncertainty'' — unwittingly raising kids fathered by the Neanderthal next door as their own. Brown and Lewis think this may also explain why men are suckers for ''behavioral expressions of vulnerability'' — women who act like they might not be able to make it across the street
(Excerpt) Read more at mcall.com ...
LOL!
Did you see my post to you earlier and what did you think? You're not doomed because you are an attorney. A lot of men will be alienated from you, though, because you have a very time demanding career. Men want their women around, usually.
I think that was a game show called 'You're In the Picture' and that it was impossibly bad. :-)
True. I find many of those posts to be excellent 'Don't Do This' type educational endeavors!
The society, the government, everything, tells women that having a man in the house is at best, neutral in the raising of children, and more often is harmful.
No. I am not a bitter divorce. I am contentedly married these last 35 years. But I tell my son he is a fool to contemplate marriage. He will be relatively affluent in 10 years and his wife will have zero economic motivation to stay with him and zero social motivation and lots of pressure from the system to divorce him and secure his income stream for herself and whatever boyfriends she chooses to move in with. No court will consider anything in his favor.
From observation of the people around me, it appears that a man is more apt to be permitted to see his children after a court fight if he never married the mother in the first place.
I know one fellow who, barred from seeing his 2 children at all, had his child support payments raised because the ex had another baby that was not his and was not claimed to be his. The children's welfare is, after all, the main consideration.
On the odds, a young man is a pure fool to get married in Modern American. The original biological attraction for marriage was sex and connection to his children. The first is free and relatively easy without all that paperwork and the second is officially denigrated and evermore tenuous. With the courts grotesquely stacked against a man, why on earth would he even consider marrying a lawyer ?????
That's the most cynical and outrageous and wrong thing I've read yet. I do not believe that you are not divorced and bitter. I do not believe you are happily married. (What is "contentedly married"? An insult to your own wife?)
"The legal and social system as it is today" is not like you describe at all.
No man could be so emasculated if he didn't let it happen to him, and it doesn't happen by getting married.
I am saying that your career choice makes you poison for a man.With the law and the judges stacked against him, why on earth would an intelligent man marry a lady lawyer?
You live in some dreamland not contiguous with any part of the United States. No. Never been divorced, never thought about it. The town I live in has always been culturally somewhat behind the rest of the country and now that my town is more or less caught up, my wife has been doing it long enough that she is not looking for new adventures and her conservative views are sufficiently molded in that she's not going to throw them over so easily as a 20-40 y.o. would.
Any young man has to know that if he marries there will be times sooner or not much later when there will be disagreements and emotional hard times. Once upon a time when the Law was not every woman's vengeful Big Brother, it was expected that these bumps in the road would be smoothed out, couples would work things out. Now the whole culture says to the woman as soon as he refuses to go to the in-laws' house for Christmas this year-HE IS AN ABUSER! RUN AWAY! HE OWES YOU FOR THE YEARS HE HAS STOLEN FROM YOU! And it's all so easy, besides.
No, I don't live in a dreamland. I live in the real world as a widow the last 8 years, raising 4 sons after my husband died from a chronic illness. We owned no home or property and he had no life insurance beyond a couple thousand to cover memorial expenses. I was a stay-at-home mother who never earned more than a dollar over minumum wage. He was ill and unable to work for a couple years before he died, and I stayed with him and worked and did all I could until death did part us. Social Security has allowed us to scrape by while I raise the boys, and now I'm off to find a job -- probably no better than the one I had last year as Christmas sales help in a department store for $6.95 hr.
I've never been a "powerful woman" so I didn't post on this thread until now, but your screed about poor abused married men and the women who are out to ruin them didn't ring true. You are not seeing the big picture, just a bitter little corner.
wasn't Spring Heel Jack the name of a late-nineteenth century "comic book" hero in England invented in an obscure novel "The Too Blue Stone"?
See post #1085. Don't feed the trolls... ;)
Don't know about that; the guy I had in mind was an 1830s urban legend who used to prowl the streets of London breathing fire, leaping over eight foot fences, and pinching girls' bottoms.
You've never met Margaret...
Chances are, if I ever did, I wouldn't marry her. :)
As they say in Noo Joisey.... "Fuggetaboutit, babe!"
Just keep it simple: Either Married or not married.
End of story.
Law girl is not doomed because she chose to be a lawyer.
There are many people who simply don't want a lawyer as a wife and EQUALLY many women who do not want a lawyer as a husband.
It is only a question of what YOU want in a relationship and what the OTHER person wants AND if they are compatable.
It is just a question of you communicating your "must haves" to him and he communicating his "must haves".
Don't get so paranoid, some people are petty enough to rule out a mate just because you have a red BMW. Just tell the truth.
Every woman can be the "trophy wife". It does not take a supermodel, it only takes being a good wife for that specific husband.
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