Terroranian Delusional Trash Talk

According to WorldNetDaily we have this from Iran. “How could the White House, which is impotent in the face of a storm and a natural disaster, enter a military conflict with the powerful Islamic Republic of Iran, particularly with the precious experience that we gained in the eight-year war with Iraq?" said Brigadier General Masoud Jazayeri, the official spokesman of the Revolutionary Guard.

Apparently he thinks that there are any other parts of the world wherein a city of one million people has ever been eighty percent evacuated in three days. It’s terribly tragic, of course, for the twenty percent that didn’t. But can we notice that the American Red Cross had to fly to Tehran’s aide when an earthquake wiped out 50,000 people in his country not too long ago? I don’t see the Iranian Bulbous Red Mullah expressing their competence by flying in their C-130’s to assist. I wonder, if 50,000 die in an earthquake in Iran and the US sends scores of C-130 flights and we are incompetent what does it make them when they don’t even know know how to fly a C-130 to their own people domestically? Louisiana had a disaster plan distributed electronically that local incompetents didn’t follow. What was your guys disaster plan written in? Cunieform on clay tablets?

Since the imminent war planner can’t figure it out the whole Iran-Iraq war thing, I suppose it is up to the average American on the street to respond.

So, you terrible Tehranians fought the bumbling Sadaam “I’m willing to negotiate” Hussein for eight years? (snicker) And lost? Oh I know, I know. It was a great victory for the “Islamic Republic”. You know, when we say we won, there is really no argument about it.

We fought Sadaam Hussein for eight minutes and beat him so bad the United Nations had to beg us to leave him in power. Then, because we didn’t want to get stuck in managing the screwed up mess he created, we let him keep his country. But he wouldn’t behave and just stick to mismanaging his own people. He had to try to mismanage other people some more. So we went back a couple years later and did him again just to settle the Texas of the thing.

By the way, in the ten years that intervened we invented robots that fly and shoot missiles at things by remote control. These were flown by eight year old boys who were told that it was a video game. That’s why you guys will never win. All we had to do was buy them skateboards and feed them kool-aid and the vaunted Republican Guard, which you guys couldn’t hit with thirty eight percent of the Russian Academy of Sciences helping you, broke down begging us for White Castle hamburgers after thirty three minutes of conflict. We just told the boys this was part of the game and it was wrong to shoot if the bad guys were doing that. They were really great about it, noble little gentlemen. Just don’t let the supply of cheetos run down during a big battle.

For further enlightenment, we direct the attention of the dear Brigadier to holler, “Bring it here” to an aide for the file marked “Taliban and their similarities to the Iranian Revolutionary Guard.” Does the word Kabul mean anything to you guys in Terroranianland? Do you have any lasting impressions about where the Iraqi oil revenue is now going?

The reason, Mr. Gaza-Jerry that we ain’t mopped the floor with the country formerly known as Persia is that we don’t particularly enjoy having to govern both your neighbors. We know that you and your type are incompetent and you have made a complete wreck of your country just like the Taliban did. I mean do stolen Toyota pickup trucks filled with teenagers carrying “atheist” AK-47’s constitute a middle asian military industrial complex? Does your inability to dig out 50,000 of your countrymen from the clay bricks of your average city mean you are in a position to criticize the largest relief operation ever undertaken? Yep, we were three days slow in New Orleans. But now our refugees have ATM cards with $2,000 cash in them and they are staying at Best Western. Do your people from the baked-clay city even have pup tents yet? What exactly can you point to as the grand achievement of your “Islamic Republic” or that of your former Taliban neighbors? That you screamed loudest on Al Jazeera? For the record, how well did Iran do in C-117 Starlifter flights to the stricken Muslims effected by the Tsunami? Guess that was all up to the Christians and Jews of the west who raised how many billion dollars to save the Muslims of the pacific rim? And we did it because we know you’re incapable of helping your own people. That’s OK. We pity you.

Look pal, we’ve only got so much time and so much patience when it comes to fixing your middle post-Hamurabi train wrecks. We are already waist deep in evicting idiots from ministerial Vizherships in central Asia. Do you like yours? I know it’s hard for you to conceive but we are doing Iraq and Afghanistan with fully 1/10th of our expeditionary force and only one twentieth of half our allies. We have lost fewer men to both the Iraqi and Afghan resistances than we lost to our own street gangs in New York and LA last year.

I know that in your world fighting Sadaam for eight years and losing a million men is a statement of valor. But you know what? I like the American version better: eight minutes, its over, and all we have to do is sit around eating popcorn and watching the video footage of the Tomahawks as they plow into his palace living room. All that and we don’t lie to our soldiers about how they will be “invisible” if only they obey the magic of the supposedly very religious people in Tehran. We’d rather spend our valor on things like taking out Fallujah on the ground in two or three whole days. Oh? You never got as far as Fallujah? Hmmm. Well, it’s about 7,000 miles away for us, 700 for you, but we got real mad when they killed a couple of our contractors. We haven’t heard a whole lot from them lately. Wonder why? You asked them to be quiet? We remember you killed a couple hundred of our Marines. Bide your time sweetheart, we never forget.

Hate to break it to you Gaza-Jerry, but your franchise is only not on the list of stuff to do this morning because our bill for tolerated headache insurance in middle-asian governing is about as fun as trying to explain the beauty of recorded music to people like…you. Beating you? I don’t know, is it worth the satellite phone air time? Or the kool-aide?

But if you don’t like your job, keep up the trash talk. Half the guys who did Fallujah are all home playing gameboy right now and they’re bored.

there really has never been any reason in modern time for them not to trash talk us, Carter handed them the keyboard

On November 4, 1979, an angry mob of young Islamic revolutionaries overran the U.S. Embassy in Tehran, taking more than sixty Americans hostage. "From the moment the hostages were seized until they were released minutes after Ronald Reagan took the oath of office as president 444 days later," wrote historian Gaddis Smith, "the crisis absorbed more concentrated effort by American officials and had more extensive coverage on television and in the press than any other event since World War II."

The United States and Iran The hostage crisis was the most dramatic in a series of problems facing Americans at home and abroad in the last year of the Carter presidency. Was Carter to blame for allowing it to happen? It's hard to say, since the hostage crisis was merely the latest event in the long and complex relationship between the United States and Iran.

Ever since oil was discovered there in 1908, Iran had attracted great interest from the West. The British played a dominant role there until World War II, when the Soviet Union joined them in fighting to keep the Germans out. Until 1953, the United States mostly stayed on the sidelines, advocating for an independent Iran under the leadership of the young king, Reza Shah Pahlavi. But that year, fearing that charismatic prime minister Mohammed Mossadegh might be moving Iran closer to Moscow, the CIA directed an operation to oust him and consolidate power under the Shah.

With a steady flow of oil from the ground and military equipment from the U.S., the Shah led Iran into a period of unprecedented prosperity. But growing resentment against an uneven distribution of wealth and the westernizing influence of the United States led to a confrontation with Islamic clergy in 1963. The Shah effectively put down the uprising, sending its leader, an elderly cleric named Ruhollah Khomeini, into exile in Iraq. Though no one knew it at the time, Iran's Islamic revolution had begun.

The Iranian Revolution Fast forward to New Years Eve, 1977:

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