Posted on 09/07/2005 3:33:01 PM PDT by Rakkasan1
LONDON - Luckily, the exploding Smedley’s English Red Plums in Heavy Syrup were intercepted in Turkey before anyone got killed.
But what of the hand grenade disguised as a chocolate bar? Or the incendiary Vichy pastille sweets?
A secret file from the archives of Britain’s spy services released this week shows ingenious methods, conjured up by Germans during World War II, for disguising bombs.
(Excerpt) Read more at msnbc.msn.com ...
"Crunchy Frog"
BTTT
the precursor to "Pop Rocks" ?
beat me to it:
Inspector Praline: (to camera) Hello. (he walks in followed by Superintendent Parrot and goes to desk) Mr Milton? You are sole proprietor and owner of the Whizzo Chocolate Company?
Milton: I am.
Praline: Superintendent Parrot and I are from the hygiene squad. We want to have a word with you about your box of chocolates entified The Whizzo Quality Assortment.
Milton: Ah, yes.
Praline: (producing box of chocolates) If I may begin at the beginning. First there is the cherry fondue. This is extremely nasty, but we can't prosecute you for that.
Milton: Agreed.
Praline: Next we have number four, 'crunchy frog'.
Milton: Ah, yes.
Praline: Am I right in thinking there's a real frog in here?
Milton: Yes. A little one.
Praline: What sort of frog?
Milton: A dead frog.
Praline: Is it cooked?
Milton: No.
Praline: What, a raw frog?
(Superintendent Parrot looks increasingly queasy.)
Milton: We use only the finest baby frogs, dew picked and flown from Iraq, cleansed in finest quality spring water, lightly killed, and then sealed in a succulent Swiss quintuple smooth treble cream milk chocolate envelope and lovingly frosted with glucose.
Praline: That's as maybe, it's still a frog.
Milton: What else?
Praline: Well don't you even take the bones out?
Milton: If we took the bones out it wouldn't be crunchy would it?
Praline: Superintendent Parrot ate one of those.
Parrot: Excuse me a moment. (exits hurriedly)
Milton: It says 'crunchy frog' quite clearly.
Praline: Well, the superintendent thought it was an almond whirl. People won't expect there to be a frog in there. They're bound to think it's some form of mock frog.
Milton: (insulted) Mock frog? We use no artificial preservatives or additives of any kind!
Praline: Nevertheless, I must warn you that in future you should delete the words 'crunchy frog', and replace them with the legend 'crunchy raw unboned real dead frog', if you want to avoid prosecution.
Milton: What about our sales?
Praline: I'm not interested in your sales, I have to protect the general public. Now how about this one. (superintendent enters) It was number five, wasn't it? (superintendent nods) Number five, ram's bladder cup. (exit superintendent) What kind of confection is this?
Milton: We use choicest juicy chunks of fresh Cornish ram's bladder, emptied, steamed, flavoured with sesame seeds whipped into a fondue and garnished with lark's vomit.
Praline: Lark's vomit?
Milton: Correct.
Praline: Well it don't say nothing about that here.
Milton: Oh yes it does, on the bottom of the box, after monosodium glutamate.
Praline: (looking) Well I hardly think this is good enough. I think it would be more appropriate if the box bore a large red label warning lark's vomit.
Milton: Our sales would plummet.
Praline: Well why don't you move into more conventional areas of confectionery, like praline or lime cream; a very popular flavour I'm led to understand. (superintendent enters) I mean look at this one, 'cockroach cluster', (superintendent exits) 'anthrax ripple'. What's this one, 'spring surprise'?
Milton: Ah - now, that's our speciality - covered with darkest creamy chocolate. When you pop it in your mouth steel bolts spring out and plunge straight through-both cheeks.
Praline: Well where's the pleasure in that? If people place a nice chocky in their mouth, they don't want their cheeks pierced. In any case this is an inadequate description of the sweetmeat. I shall have to ask you to accompany me to the station.
Milton: (getting up from desk and being led away) It's a fair cop.
Why were the Nazis trying to kill Rosie O'Donnell?
Eating one of those sure would make your jaw drop...
One more proof of my thesis that the Nazis were basically childish. When you were ten, wouldn't you have been absolutely charmed by the thought of blowing up your enemies with boobytrapped food?
Well, maybe not if you were a girl. But guys will recognize the impulse.
Grut, I would like you to meet two of my closest friends, Bacon Man and Humblegunner.
If there are any FReepers at all who understand the impulse to blow things up, including food, it's these two.
"MOCK FROG?!?!?!" is one of my favorite Python lines.
Can you put up Spring Surprise?
ping
Pipe bombed a fruitcake once. Exquisite fragmentation.
1/2 by 4 inch TBE nipple, just an ickle one.
It's there in the 2nd to last paragraph
Wrote "Claymore Mine" on a tuna MRE bag up at Fort Drum...
...not even our resident walking food disposal unit would touch the thing.
So it became a simulated munition.
As far as I know, it is still sitting near the side of Alexandria road at Drum.
(MRE heaters in a soda bottle, add water, cap, shake, and throw.)
I haven't blown up food unles you count detonating the BBQ grill accidentally.
With the steak inside it.
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