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Posted on 09/06/2005 11:05:03 AM PDT by ExitPurgamentum
by Margaret Friedlander Brinig, Douglas Allen
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'These Boots are Made for Walking': Why Most Divorce Filers are Women
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Abstract: Because of the financial and social hardship faced after divorce, most people assume that generally husbands have instigated divorce since the introduction of no-fault divorce. Yet women file for divorce and are often the instigators of separation, despite a deep attachment to their children and the evidence that many divorces harm children. Furthermore, divorced women in large numbers reveal that they are happier than they were while married. They report relief and certainty that they were right in leaving their marriages. This fundamental puzzle suggests that the incentives to divorce require a reexamination, and that the forces affecting the net benefits from marriage may be quite complicated, and perhaps asymmetric between men and women. This paper considers women's filing as rational behavior, based on spouses' relative power in the marriage, their opportunities following divorce, and their anticipation of custody. |
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You are absolutely right. It was bait. Sorry.
I was trying to cause trouble and get some replies.
I'm so sick and tired of all the New Orleans whiners and complainers I was looking for a distraction.
Sorry - I'll try not to let it happen again - but no guarantees! LOL
Thanks for the compliment.
The fact is that the pendulum of no-fault divorce has swung too far. When children are involved, it's advantageous for society to gently coerce couples into maintaining a two parent family.
Many men resist marriage, because they know that they're vulnerable once children are in the family. This is also a bad thing, again, because children need two parents.
You, and many posters here, need to read "Dan Quayle was Right", published in Atlantic Monthly about 10 years ago.
Your case may be different. Everyone's case is unique. But the fact is that it's too easy for women to divorce, and too many reasons for men to avoid marriage and families. The population of upper and middle class families is declining. The system we had in place 40 years ago may not have been perfect. But the results we had then for our culture were objectively far superior.
Kinda controlling, ain'tcha?
Yeppers, tonight I leave for my around the world trip on that 34 bucks. Right after I buy my ferrari. I just spend spend spend that sucker's dough.....*snicker* woo hoo.
No, i'm not paying you. And is the rent and sewage and ca insurance he is paying solely for your daughter, or do you live in that house, and drive that car too? I asked, but you never answered.
You are lumping in expenses that you would have to pay anyway, with that of your daughter. If your daughter wasn't living with you, would you still be paying rent, car payments, car insurance, and sewage/water? Or are you only paying those because you have custody of your daughter?
Also, who filed for the divorce?
Yeppers, tonight I leave for my around the world trip on that 34 bucks. Right after I buy my ferrari. I just spend spend spend that sucker's dough.....*snicker* woo hoo.
Clever, but irrelevant. Nobody owes you a trip around the world or a farrari. I'm not 100% sure if they owe it to you to pay your rent or car payments either.
Nobody's paying my rent (or anything else for that matter), and I have kids. Am I being disenfranchised? Where do I sign up for this "somebody else is responsible" plan?
It's all about maintaining lifestyle. At least that's what I have been told.
I'm sure you did some beneficial things that he became accustomed to. Hopefully you are still doing these things for him (or part of them). It's only fair.
This is also why there are so many people "shacking up". If things go wrong, it is cheaper.
I keep wondering what type of society we will have when a male birth control pill is introduced.
Pal, one more time. He AINT PAYING CHILD SUPPORT!! You can sign up for that just about anywhere, I would think. Child born, two parents are responsible. One don't come to the table, the other does. Who's screwed? The parent who does. Who suffers? The kid. Nobody's paying your rent? Guess what? Nobody's paying mine either. Not all men belly up. It is both parent's responsibility to support the child. If your spouse isn't helping to support your kids, then you're in the same fricking boat I am. RAising kids on one salary. As for who filed for divorce, THAT is irrelevant. But, because you'll worry it like a dog and a bone, HE did. The same day he stole my car.
I think his 30 y/o girlfriend would object to me giving him sex, but that's just my thoughts on it.... And I ain't seen him out there mowing 1/4 of the lawn lately. Sex? That's the second time you've brought that up. This is the part that really gets to you, ain't it? HAHAHAHAhahahaaa... Sorry, we're gonna have to agree to disagree. Thanks for the posts. Gotta run.
And even in the impossible scenario that you are 100% in the right, and just a benevolent victim who is a completely blameless party to the entire sequence of events ... then I formally welcome you to the group known as "glaring exceptions".
You belong to a very elite group based on the low numbers. Not that it helps in any way, but it's something.
Do it when she's not there. Unless you have a "male friend" that would object.
.... And I ain't seen him out there mowing 1/4 of the lawn lately.
If you weren't doing 1/4 of the dishes, I don't blame him.
Sex? That's the second time you've brought that up. This is the part that really gets to you, ain't it?
Well, it's the part of marriage that men probably miss the most (with women it's usually money). So if the women get their money, I say they gotta put out. Seems like a free lunch any other way.
HAHAHAHAhahahaaa... Sorry, we're gonna have to agree to disagree. Thanks for the posts. Gotta run.
Hmmmm, the reason for the 30 year old girlfriend begins to clarify itself ....
now now...don't sling mud. It's not polite.
To take a step back, I'm unclear on the whole idea of alimony. It seems to me that part of the point of divorce is to break free from another. If marriages disintegrate, the two should live independently. Where am I wrong?
People no longer like the spouse, but they like the spouses money. And they have set up a system where people can now have one without the other.
Divorce rates haven't shot up for no reason. If a woman picks the right man, it can be a very lucrative business decision. She doesn't have to do aything, and can even cheat on her spouse to expedite her receipt of the cash.
Why wouldn't they take advantage of this offer?
After reading several of these, I can only say "thank GOD for a classy woman like my wife!" Although never unfaithful, I have been a severe disappointment over the years to a woman who literally could have had her pick of guys.
Then I think about the children who are products of these unions. I think about how screwed up my own kids are in so many ways, and I have no idea what it must be like for the kids who have half a home due to the chiseling, whiney "me" obsessed women and men who scratch and claw each other till all possibility for love is gone.
It is not so much celebrating my own virtue over them as it is being thankful that I married a woman who has put up with me for almost 30 years now, and reflecting on the sad aftermath of a culture which says "till death do us part" with crossed fingers.
"reflecting on the sad aftermath of a culture which says "till death do us part" with crossed fingers."
I am going to agree with George Carlin on this, that so much of modern feminism involves women imitating all the worst aspects of men.
Anyone see that Newsweek story last year about female infidelity? Newsweak practically squealed over the anecdotes of married women finally getting their side of the coin. I rest my case.
"Greedy, selfish, and manipulative women--and men--probably are the ones who come out ahead. "
Oh, you know my ex-wife?
;-)
"the only women who don't get a divorce are the ones who have husbands who are actually afraid enough of divorce to cater to their increasing demands."
When you said that "The only..." that means "all" which includes my wife in my marriage. Then you said,
"My comment was not directed at YOU. I know full well that there are a lot of loving, loyal, selfless people in marriage. My parents being two of them. So, dont personalize this. I didn't. You did."
Suggesting that you only meant a subset of marriages. Pardon my confusion but I took you at your word. I'll know better next time.
You are unquestionably correct, but I am still not used to this fact, and its manifestations continue to shock me.
Thank you for you kind words.
Nice find, thank you.
If you can't understand commitment is the key to a good, healthy marriage, you shouldn't get married.
There are many things to be cynical about, but marriage isn't one of them. Either do it and do it well, or don't do it at all.
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