"The Bible says God created us as fully-formed humans."
The Bible says nothing about "fully-formed" or how God did what He did. The Word is silent on the issue.
The Bible says: "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them."
You, read the Bible with your anti-evolution agenda. There is a lot of white space in there where reasonable Christians (and Jews) can disagree, and the anti-evolutionists need to stop claiming people are "anti-Christian" or "anti-religion" simply because they do not subscribe to how you read the white space in the Bible.
Speak truth in love.
Yeah, you're right. God was tired after creating apes and said, "ah, give 'em time, they'll eventually evolve into humans".