Your life echoes my own, Joe, although I am female, and my experiences were in a small town. I had to help my mom around the house, and when I turned 16, I got a job and have been working ever since. My parents made it very clear that when I graduated from college, I was on my own and not to expect anything from them in the way of financial help. And that's the way it was and has been. Sink or swim -- on my own.
"My parents made it very clear that when I graduated from college, I was on my own and not to expect anything from them in the way of financial help. And that's the way it was and has been. Sink or swim -- on my own."
We have an odd society now. Parents use their kids as status symbols. Rather than thinking what's best for the kids, they "do" for them, and make sure everyone knows. Private schools, great vacations, lessons in everything, all the best toys.
I'm old school. We have 3 kids. For the first 16 years of marriage, we were 1 income, I worked my tail off outside the home, she worked hers off at home. My kids got what they needed, but not all they wanted. Our home was modest, our vacations were simple, camping, amusement parks, etc.
But there is huge pressure to "give more", to try to keep your kids up with the Joneses. Even though we weren't poor, at times we were made to feel like bottom feeders. Probably had to do with the guilt that others felt because their kids had no one at home when they came home from school, mine did.
Now, college age, my first went to a tech school and is a computer tech. I made him pay about 30% of his school bill. Partly because I just couldn't afford it, and partly because, it was his school, I don't owe that to him. My parents raised me that way. For college, they helped a little, but most of it was on me. It was clear, once I was 18, I was owed nothing.
Now, my wife works outside the home, we have a little more money, and my 2nd child is going to college. She commutes. I could afford to pay 100% but I refuse. She's getting loans, and I'm paying some. I paid 50% of her first semester. She did ok but not great, so I'm paying about 50% of the 2nd semester. If she brings her grades up, maybe I'll pay a bit more on the 3rd semster, she knows this. I don't owe her a college education. She needs to be on the hook for this to know that it's not just a party.
When people hear how I'm handling it, they look at me like I'm an abusive parent. I was strict with my kids, hardest on the first, (a textbook case). Wouldn't you know, the nicest, most responsible of the 3 is the first. But, again, I was seen as being horrible to him. Strict, (not abusive, strict), is looked down on in society today.
Society makes being a good parent very, very difficult.
I started working fairly regularly when I was 12 and opened my first checking account then. By 14 I was working nearly 20 hours a week for the local hospital with regular minimum wage pay, etc.
I'm 40 and most of the stuff I did as a kid is now illegal in my state. Ironically, it was the good stuff that helped me become an adult. Go figure.