Posted on 08/19/2005 5:46:36 AM PDT by SLB
The transition to adulthood used to be one of the main goals of the young. Adulthood was seen to be a status worth achieving and was understood to be a set of responsibilities worth fulfilling. At least, that's the way it used to be. Now, an entire generation seems to be finding itself locked in the grip of eternal youth, unwilling or unable to grow up.
Concern about this phenomenon has been building for some time. Baby-boomer parents are perplexed when their adult-age children move back home, fail to find a job, and appear to be in no hurry to marry. Though the current generation of young adults includes some spectacular exceptions who have quickly moved into the fullness of adult responsibility, the generation as a whole seems to be waiting for something--but who knows what?--to happen.
Frederica Mathewes-Green sees the same phenomenon. In her brilliant essay published in the August/September 2005 edition of First Things, Mathewes-Green describes this new reality with striking clarity.
She begins with the movies. Describing herself as a fan of the old black-and-white classics from the 1930s and 1940s, Mathewes-Green remembers how young actors customarily played the part of mature adults. Actresses like Claudette Colbert and Jean Harlowe were "poised and elegant" onscreen. She notes, "Today even people much older don't have that kind of presence." She then compares Cary Grant with Hugh Grant. The first Grant was "poised and debonair" while the more recent Grant "portrayed a boyish, floppy-haired ditherer till he was forty." She cites reviewer Michael Atkinson, who dubbed today's immature male actors as "toddler-men." As Atkinson describes the distinction, "The conscious contrast between baby-faced, teen-voiced toddler-men movie actors and the Golden Age's grownups is unavoidable."
As Mathewes-Green explains, "Characters in these older movies appear to be an age nobody ever gets to be today. This isn't an observation about the actors themselves (who may have behaved in very juvenile ways privately); rather, it is about the way audiences expected grownups to act." Fast-forwarding to today's Hollywood culture, she observes: "Nobody has that old-style confident authority anymore. We've forgotten how to act like grownups."
Frederica Mathewes-Green is surely correct in seeing this contrast. Gladly, she not only depicts the reality as we now face it--she goes on to explain how we have arrived at such a state of institutionalized immaturity.
As she sees it, "The Baby Boomers fought adulthood every step of the way." In other words, Mathewes-Green points to the parents of this current generation of young adults as the locus of the problem. Speaking of her own generation, she remembers: "We turned blue jeans and T-shirts into the generational uniform. We stopped remembering the names of world political leaders and started remembering the names of movie stars' ex-boyfriends. We stopped participating in fraternal service organizations and started playing video games. We Boomers identified so strongly with being 'the younger generation' that now, paunchy and gray, we're bewildered. We have no idea how to be the older generation. We'll just have to go on being a cranky, creaky appendix to the younger one."
Mathewes-Green's analysis pushes back even further than the baby boomers. She blames the parents of the baby boomers for trying to protect that generation from the realities of a cruel world and a hard life. Having fought and survived the great trial of World War II, they wanted to protect their own young children. "They wanted their little ones never to experience the things they had," Mathewes-Green explains, "never to see such awful sights. Above all, they wanted to protect their children's innocence."
Mathewes-Green is a writer of great ability. Her picturesque imagery makes her point with poetic force. She describes the days "when large families lived together in very small houses" and when "paralyzed or senile family members were cared for at home." When the realities of life were not hidden away, institutionalized, and sanitized, children grew up understanding that life itself is a trial and that adulthood requires a willingness to grow up, take responsibility, fend for oneself, and fight for one's own.
In summary, Mathewes-Green believes that the parents of the 1950s "confused vulnerability with moral innocence. They failed to understand that children who were always encouraged to be childish would jump at the chance and turn childishness into a lifelong project. These parents were unprepared to respond when their children acquired the bodies of young adults and behaved with selfishness, defiance, and hedonism."
In her historical analysis, the parents of the baby boomers attempted to separate childhood and adulthood into two completely separate compartments of life. Childhood would be marked by innocence and adulthood by responsibility. As Mathewes-Green warns: "Be careful what you wish for." Missing from this picture is a period of urgent transition that would turn the child into an adult. What we face now is a generation of children in the bodies of adults.
Understanding the reality of the problem is a first step towards recovery. Nevertheless, mere description is insufficient as an answer to this crisis.
In days gone by, children learned how to be adults by living, working, and playing at the parents' side. The onset of age twelve or thirteen meant that time was running out on childhood. Traditional ceremonies like the Jewish Bar Mitzvah announced that adulthood was dawning. This point would be clearly understood by the young boy undergoing the Bar Mitzvah. "By the time his body was fully formed, he would be expected to do a full day's work. He could expect to enter the ranks of full-fledged grownups soon after and marry in his late teens. Childhood was a swift passageway to adulthood, and adulthood was a much-desired state of authority and respect."
Today's patterns of schooling do not, in the main, appear to produce a similar result. Instead, the educational process continues to coddle, reassure, and affirm young people without regard to their assumption of adult responsibilities. This approach, Mathewes-Green explains, prepares children "for a life that doesn't exist."
When a generation is continuously told that its options are limitless, its abilities are boundless, and its happiness is central, why should we be surprised that reality comes as such a difficult concept?
Mathewes-Green points to the delay of marriage as the most interesting indicator of what is happening. As she notes, the average first marriage now unites a bride age 25 with a groom age 27. "I'm intrigued by how patently unnatural that is," Mathewes-Green observes. "God designed our bodies to desire to mate much earlier, and through most of history cultures have accommodated that desire by enabling people to wed by their late teens or early twenties. People would postpone marriage until their late twenties only in cases of economic disaster or famine--times when people had to save up in order to marry."
Is the current generation of young adults too immature to marry? Mathewes-Green insists that if this is the case, it is only because the older generation has been telling them they are too immature to marry. Does early marriage lead to disaster? Mathewes-Green is ready to prescribe a dose of reality. "Fifty years ago, when the average bride was twenty, the divorce rate was half what it is now, because the culture encouraged and sustained marriage."
Look carefully at how she describes the personal impact produced by this pattern of delayed marriage: "During those lingering years of unmarried adulthood, young people may not be getting married, but they're still falling in love. They fall in love, and break up, and undergo terrible pain, but find that with time they get over it. This is true even if they remain chaste. By the time these young people marry, they may have had many opportunities to learn how to walk away from a promise. They've been training for divorce."
Rarely does one article contain so much common sense, moral wisdom, and promise. The way to recovery surely must start with a rediscovery of what adulthood means and a reaffirmation of why it is so important--both for the society and for individuals. Adulthood must be tied to actual, meaningful, and mature responsibilities--most importantly, marriage.
There is reason for hope. Many in this new generation demonstrate a willingness to buck the trend. They are the new pioneers of adulthood, and they will be uniquely qualified to influence their own peers and to reshape our own culture. Taking marriage seriously as a life-long commitment, they will be more inclined to raise children who will understand what it will take to live as adults in our time of confusion. They will understand that eternal youth is not a blessing, but a curse.
For further reading, see Dr. Mohler's commentaries, "The Generation That Won't Grow Up," and "Looking Back at 'The Mystery of Marriage,'" Parts One and Two. Audio of "The Mystery of Marriage" address is available here.
The title of her article is Against Eternal Youth. A copy of that article can be found here.
A list of other articles by her can be found here.
The way her family raised her is the exact opposite of Sam Walton. They gave her a boatload of money, then basically let her run feral with no supervision, goals or influences. She didn't even finish high school, but had to go back and get her GED.
Either extreme is, IMO, a bad way to raise kids.
but how do you keep from spoiling them into useless dregs when you personally control such enormous capital? It's a very unique problem for the uber wealthy only.
LOL. I wish I had such problems.
But I get what you're saying. It's very easy for the children of the super-rich to become useless partiers.
I'm not sure that was a problem a century or so ago. The children of the super-rich back then might not have always continued their families' business and whatnot, but I get the impression that most of them did something productive, whether charity work, soldiering, science, politics etc.
“You’d have to be “willingly blind not to see” both the good and the bad changes in the new and the old.
I see both the good and bad, and it is my judgement that under the political rule of the boomer generation the bad has made far greater strides than the good.
America's future would be in far better shape if more husbands and fathers did the same..
Mark and a Mama Fred ping to my sweetie
Sorry, usually when people claim that no one can make it without an education, they’re speaking of something like a high school diploma or more. I take you at your word that you were referring to no skills or OJT and ability to even do what they are told.
"If you were working in a car plant making $18.00 an hour and your company moved to Mexico I doubt you would feel very comforted to know that the median salary is rising in the US while you were working your brand new, permanent, $7.50 an hour job."
It would inspire me to no end to know that median real wages in the US was continuously rising if my careered dropped out from under me. There is nothing “permanent” about ones job.
Knowing that the US economy was just changing rather than failing, as all dynamic capitalist economies should, I’d be heartened to know that I could relocate and start a new career if I were young enough or that my kids could prosper if only they made better career decisions that I. It would comfort me to know claims like, "people are employed alright...and making less than half of what they were." are misleading at best.
Thanks very much for the information!
Hey, if it means we can avoid any more Paris Hilton's, I'm all for it.
In Objectivist morality, productive achievement is synonymous with happiness.
"It is a uniquely (wrong-headed) American notion to make one's children start from scratch with every generation."
The proof is in the results.
Somehow the word "butt" has become hilarious to young and old. There doesn't seem to be a way to stop this, but if it's any comfort to you, it was probably the same in the time of Chaucer.
I should have realized he was just being Chaucerian :-).
I specifically post to the threads about Big Tobacco just so I have an excuse to use the word "butt". Now I can post elsewhere and just use the Chaucer defense.
LOL! With two boys in diapers, I've got all the Chaucer I can stand.
Because the parents never grew up. Therefore, they never led by example and now their kids are permanently handicapped.
"He's a grup!" LOL ...
Interesting enough, the idea of 21 being the age of accountability is based on the medieval concept that, assuming you were an apprentice at 7, journeyman at 14, by 21 you had been an adult for 7 years and were a master craftsman, capable of signing contracts and training your own apprentices.
Well put. Many do not realize this. We have a seventeen year old daughter who is caring for an elderly lady across the street. She does everything from cooking to shopping to bathing for her. This lady has her own children and grand children who would rather pay our daughter than do it on their own.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.