The statement by Islamic Jihad, read by a masked man in a video obtained Sunday by The Associated Press, came amid criticism by some Iraqi officials of Kuwaitis trying to encroach on Iraqi land.
It must go something like this...
Ring... ring... ring... Click
Hello, Jerusalem Post, One Card Shy of a Full Deck speaking.
Yes, ah who would I speak to if I wanted to give a terrorist statement?
Has your organization called in before, or are you a new client?
Well, we haven't called in before, but we have thought your coverage of other terrorist statements was some of the best.
Just a moment while I see if Sucker For a Good Line is in. She handles new clients. Just a moment... Click.
Click. Hi, sorry to put you on hold. Sucker isn't in today, Never Learns over at the general client desk will have to help you. Just a moment.
Never Learns, may I help you?
Yes, my name is Diseased Jackel. I'm calling from a very large terrorist group called Islamic Jihad. (Third party in the background: No you idiot, it was supposed to be the "Islamic Liberation Front" declaring an Islamic Jihad. Third party is his uncle. Two cousins and a cat with mange listen in...)
Excuse me, I didn't hear that last part.
Oh nevermind Never Learns, I have a statement for you.
Okay, go ahead please.
Islamic Jihad is declaring Kuwait to be too sympathetic to the west. They're in for it.
Alrighty then. Let me read that back. Islamic Jihad is declaring Kuwait to be too sympathetic to the west. They're in for it. Have I got that right. I don't want to get your message wrong. We don't want to damage any of our working relationships with terrorists, oops, freedom fighters.
Yes, that's right.
Okay then. Here's our 800 number for when you call in next time.
Now, I'd like to ask you a few quality assurance questions. Do you mind?
No. Go ahead.
Have I shown proper respect toward you, as a follower of Mohamad?
Yes, very good.
Have I taken care of your needs?
Yes.
Have I answered all your questions?
Yes.
Is there anything else I can do for you?
No. Holy camel dung, you've been great.
Okay good-bye.
Good-bye Never Learns.
Uncle and cousins, you're right, they never learn.
OMG!!! ROFLMAO!!!