Posted on 08/11/2005 3:49:11 PM PDT by SandRat
Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people:
Recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
PS: Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?
Just as do 'flammable' and 'inflammable'. Go figure, eh? (g!)
Hey, I resemble that remark. See you at the bar.
That's right. He had to fence the fence fence.
Mary where John had had has had had had had had had had had had the teacher's approval
Care to have a go? ;^)
That's too much for me to handle!
But learning English is more than a rite of passage, and immigrants do need to learn to read and write. Even some of the manual professions, such as being a millwright, require such skills. Right?
Why do they call them "apartments" when they're so darned close together?
Why do they call it a "fast" when it goes so darn slow?
How about a clue; like what forms of punctuation?
I masticated with a thespian once. I think I liked it.
;o)
'Eunice King Kitchens'.
'Nuff said.
I unthinkingly pronounce "route" to rhyme with "bout." I know it's not the standard pronunciation, and it drives my wife crazy. Does anyone else say it this way? I'm wondering if it's a regional thing.
Yes
I'm wondering if it's a regional thing.
I'm sure it is.
26. route (as in, "the route from one place to another")
a. rhymes with "hoot" (29.99%)
b. rhymes with "out" (19.72%)
c. I can pronounce it either way interchangeably (30.42%)
d. I say it like "hoot" for the noun and like "out" for the verb. (15.97%)
e. I say it like "out" for the noun and like "hoot" for the verb. (2.50%)
f. other (1.40%)
(11137 respondents)
Surprisingly, it doesn't look very regional. More "roots" in the Northeast. It not nearly as regional as pop/soda/coke for fizzy sugar water.
Indeed, what could one say after that?
Three times, real fast...
One smart fellow, he felt smart.
Two smart fellows, they felt smart.
Three smart fellows, they all felt smart.
All English punctuation is permitted, standard usages only. ! () - -- , . ? ' '' ; : and maybe some I've forgotten are all legal here.
Those thespians will do anything. I've even seen them ululate in public.
Hurry up and come down here!
And, isn't it odd that an ASteroid can wreck an entire HEMisphere...
while a HEMorrhoid can only wreck... well never mind.
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