Posted on 08/11/2005 9:01:41 AM PDT by curtisgardner
Step 1: Admitting that you're a liberal
This is the first step for every liberal on the way to recovery. It is important to understand that you're not "progressive", "moderate", or "enlightened". You're a liberal, and you need to be honest with yourself about that fact.
Step 2: Pledge to support your beliefs with facts
Realize that truth is more important than moral superiority and is the only way to come over to reality. You must research beyond propaganda from the Sierra Club, Hilllary Clinton, and CNN to understand things as they really exist in the world. You can no longer argue based on "feelings" or emotion. You will actually need to back up your arguments with real information. This is a difficult step, because it means you can't be lazy any more.
Step 3: Love America
This may be the most difficult step for those of you who are hippies and peaceniks. Admitting that the country you hate actually stands as a beacon to defend freedom throughout the world can make some of you physically ill. You might want to make a visit to a military cemetery to better understand that these men and women gave their lives so that you could spew hatred. Otherwise, you would currently be living in a police state that would never let you wear that nasty patchouli oil, let alone speak out against your government.
Step 4: Take a college level economics class
A Socialist is defined as someone who's never taken an economics class. Most Socialists have a hard time balancing their checkbooks, let alone explaining the simple concept of supply-and-demand. It's time to flush your complete ignorance of basic economics down the toilet and understand how the world actually functions. This concept will be very important for the next steps that involve communism, facts about corporations, and the inefficiencies of government.
Step 5: Say "no" to Communism and Socialism
While this concept is obvious to most of the free world, it is an important step in your recovery process. If you have difficulty with this step, spend a week living and working in Cuba.
Step 6: Corporations are not evil
If you're reading this article on-line or in an email, it's thanks to corporations. If you get some kind of paycheck, you can thank corporations. If you work for a nonprofit or the government, you still have to thank corporations. The nonprofit sector and the government wouldn't have any money to pay you without corporations. It is also important that you understand that making a profit doesn't equate to "greed" or exploitation. Capitalism has created the greatest society in our world's history. Even communist countries need corporations to survive, so enjoy a nice, hot cup of reality.
Step 7: The government is inefficient
If you are one of those liberals who believe the government should tax us more in order to take care of society, you need to pay special attention to this step. You need to realize that government bureaucracy will waste most of your tax dollars, while the private sector will put your money to much better use. Even most Democrat politicians understand this to some degree, which is why Hillary's socialist healthcare proposal was voted down by a majority of both Democrats and Republicans. Go to your local post office or call the IRS to ask a tax question if you need a reminder about government inefficiency.
Step 8: The earth is not your "mother", and she's not dying
The time has now come to stop your donations to Greenpeace, The Sierra Club, and every other EnviroNazi organization to which you belong. Face the reality that the earth, society and our environment are better off today than ever in recorded history and that they are continuing to improve. I realize that many of you tree huggers will have a very difficult time letting go of the Douglas Fir on this one. I would suggest reading The Skeptical Environmentalist by Bjorn Lomborg. Mr. Lomborg is a former member of Greenpeace and is currently a statistics professor at a university in Denmark. He set out to prove the world was in bad shape and ended up surprising himself by proving the exact opposite.
Step 9: Stop smoking the wacky tobacco
Okay, some of you might need to enter another 12-step program to complete this step. Marijuana is distorting your sense of reality, and you need to stop using it. Besides, you'll save a fortune on snacks.
Step 10: Eat a hamburger
If God didn't intend for us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of meat. You can put your sprouts and tofu on the hamburger, but get some meat into you. You'll look and feel better than you ever imagined. You can always remind yourself that Nazi propaganda hailed Adolf Hitler as a vegetarian to get you through this step.
Step 11: Stop re-writing political history
It's now time to admit that Bill Clinton is a lying-cheating-sexist-racist-rapist jackass, Hillary Clinton is one of the worst role models for women in this country, Al Gore really did lose the 2000 election by every vote tabulation you attempt, Ronald Reagan ended the Cold War and didn't create the homeless problem, John McCain is not a typical Republican, and Jimmy Carter is a nice man but has one of the worst presidential records of anyone in history.
Step 12: Be a missionary
Once you have completed the previous steps to overcoming liberalism, it's time for you to share this awakening with others who are not as fortunate. Go out amongst the liberal sheep and spread the good word of your freedom from the chains of ignorance that once bound you. Congratulations, and welcome to reality.
excellent.
I love this and intend to send it into my local newspaper editor, maybe they will print it on the opinion page.
Great list and it gave me a new tag line!
Ping
Step 13: Buy a handgun and get a concealed carry permit.
Based on my life experience, including living in Berkeley, I would suggest this adjustment to the steps:
1. Admit you are a liberal
2. Find a Conservative, sit down with him or her, and explain your position as a liberal with clear facts and support those facts with documentation you have researched
3. Immediately purchase a ticket to any of the following countries and pledge to stay there at least six months - Russia, Cuba, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, Ethiopia, or Iran
4. Open a checking account and pledge to do the following: no longer accept any monetary assistance from parents, grandparents, strangers, trust funds, social services agencies or charitable organizations, and to not accept any other form of free compensation or assistance. Balance check book monthly.
5. Pledge to read the Wall Street Journal daily
6. Find and acquire a job with a small, privately owned business that is set up as a corporation, preferrably a family-owned business, and learn as much as you can about the operation of the business
7. Join a community committee to clean up parks, repair a children's playground or assist in a charitable soup kitchen and learn about 'government' of any group
8. Visit a farm that produces food and learn about the growing and marketing process of the products produced on that farm
9. Don't inhale, injest, swallow, sniff, chew etc any substance that is not a member of the three basic food groups
10. Enjoy a big plate of spaghetti, enchaladas, weinerschneitzel or any other robust 'ethnic' food that has been contributed to our culture by the immigrants who came to this country and REALLY made a difference through hard work
11. Read several well-written biographies of founders of the U.S., including but not limited to George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, Alexander Hamilton.
12. Take a long, hot bath, get a nice shave and haircut, clean and cut your fingernails and put on new clean underwear and clothing that was purchased by you with your earnings from number 6 above, not from your trust fund or other source of 'free' income, and then take a walk down a clean sidewalk in a nice part of any town in the U.S. of A.
Good luck on your recovery.
Step 13: Buy a handgun and get a concealed carry permit.
Skip with the permit.
By getting a permit you allow them that level of control over you.
Also, learn how to use it safely (at least to the innocent). Teach your children and friends to do the same.
This step is soooo important. So many who criticize Reagan's trickle down plan clearly lack any understanding of econ. After my first economics class, Reagans plan (he was in office then) seemed so obvious and simple.
Excellent. I will use this to "educate" liberal trolls and pseudo conservatives on Free Republic.
Curtis I have to copy this It's hilarious
2. Find a Conservative, sit down with him or her, and explain your position as a liberal with clear facts and support those facts with documentation you have researched
I haven't met many libs who can do this part, explain and support beliefs with facts. LOL, what a great way to get the libs to see the idiocy of their 'beliefs'. Unless they revert to the usual name calling and cursing before storming off (a common response when their beliefs are questioned).
heh, heh! Can't wait! Ping me when you do.
I will.
If you find a troll or pseudo conservative who needs the 12 step program, please ping me.
Great amendments. I loved this one:
2. Find a Conservative, sit down with him or her, and explain your position as a liberal with clear facts and support those facts with documentation you have researched
Yes, I forgot to put in 'without emotion'. Thanks for reminding me.
I wouldn't go that way. I'd prefer to have the prefix "Law abiding" in front of my status as a gun owner.
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