Posted on 08/10/2005 10:48:11 AM PDT by curtisgardner
Just what is it about the Bible that drives left-wingers crazy?
When I say "left wingers," I'm speaking specifically about the far left. Those who spend inordinate amounts of time analyzing what you believe in, and not a single second on introspection. The people who try to eliminate any mention of God or Jesus in public places, but think it's perfectly fine to try and tell us that "Jesus was a liberal" via a sticker on the bumper their sloth-paced, battery-powered "savior of the ozone" vehicles – on public roads no less.
These are the kind of people who will burn thousands of gallons of jet fuel to fly to an environmental summit meeting, and "it takes a village" types who will gladly torch "the village" if they find out "the village" is using rabbits for medical research. The folks who decry violence in all of its forms, and yet are fully prepared to go on a hunger strike if the government doesn't give Ted Kaczynski his stuff back.
The way left. Terminal campus-dwelling know-betters with THC-clogged neurotransmitters who actually think Phil Donahue is kept off the air because of an organized conspiracy. Those leftists who sacrificed the better part of their lives just to get the FDA to have nutritional information put on the wrapper of a Snickers bar, and are positive that the real reason the dinosaurs became extinct was coconut oil. Those people.
A quick glance at the Bible, and it's not difficult to see why the tight sphincter of the left further asphyxiates that bug up their tuchis. The Bible is full of nightmares for leftist red-tape mongers and professional rule-imposers. Take these examples:
1.Moses parted the Red Sea without first performing an environmental impact study.
2.Jesus gave a Sermon on the Mount where he talked of giving to the poor, and spoke out against greed, and all without charging attendees $300 per ticket. (Barbra Streisand only).
3.The term "The Three Wise Men" is insensitive to the intellectually challenged. That should be changed to the "Trio of educationally advantaged amateur astronomers."
4.Instead of gold, frankincense and myrrh, they should have brought hummus, incense and a representative from Child Protective Services.
5.The Virgin Mary didn't first meet with consultants from Planned Parenthood.
6.Ten plagues and still not a single person thought of nationalizing health care?
7.Adam didn't ask Eve for verbal as well as written consent before touching her.
8.Of course Cain killed Abel. He was obviously suffering either from bipolar disorder, low blood sugar, emotional abuse as a child, or societal neglect.
9."The trials of Job" were nothing. Try getting a job with nothing but a masters degree in Norwegian Art History – that's a test!
10.Too bad Greenpeace didn't have their own ark so they could have rammed Noah's Ark. You just know that, after the flood, Noah sold those animals to the circus.
11.The destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah could have easily been prevented if they would have passed hate-crime legislation sooner.
12.Jesus is one of the greatest teachers in history, but isn't a member of the National Education Association. In other words, God uses scab labor.
13.David slew Goliath simply because he was unfortunate enough to have been stricken with gigantism.
14."The Last Supper" didn't offer an option for people on gluten-free diets, and the fat content on the food was not labeled.
15.The part about Jonah and the whale becoming entangled in tuna nets is conveniently passed over in the Old Testament.
16.God should have spent the seventh day not resting, but rather going around putting warning stickers on all potentially dangerous, really pointy things.
17.What's the big deal about Nebuchadnezzar spending seven years ingesting grass? Heck, Woody Harrelson's done it longer than that.
18.The Bible mentions nothing about obtaining the necessary permits to build the Tower of Babel.
19.People lived to be hundreds of years old without prescription-drug coverage? I don't think so.
20.Jesus turned water into wine, which was not very mindful of those who happened to be teetering on the brink of plunging down the stairs of their 12-step program.
21.Of all the wealth possessed by King Solomon, the amount he donated to environmental causes: $0.
And the thing about the Bible that drives the left the most crazy?
22.People can find salvation without their assistance.
Thanks for lightening my day!
Actually, I think it actually all boils down to one reason the Libs hate the bible. Sometimes the answer is NO.
Ping
I loved it! I am not a religious person in any sense of the word. But the bible is a very good guide for living, especially the ten commandments. If it was good enough to influence the founding fathers it is good enough today. The only thing that makes me roll my eyes is when someone insists to me that the bible is the literal word of God. NAW....but it is a very good read.
The liberal Bible contains this one: "You shall have no other gods before Me." only the "me" in question is Karl Marx.
"You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor." Wouldn't that cover lying under oath?
And what on earth version are you quoting from? Quoting scripture is great but it must be done accurately. 'Uncovering one's nakedness' is not the same as 'sexual relations'.
22. do not lie with a man as you would with a women, that is detestable
The only thing that makes me roll my eyes is when someone insists to me that the bible is the literal word of God. NAW
You should try reading The Bible more often,
You just might learn something new.
The main thing that drives the left crazy about the Bible is that it is the truth and light that shines on the darkness of their lives. It shows them that there are consequences for their attitudes and behavior which they just can't bring themselves to believe. It is just denial on their part.
"You should try reading The Bible more often,
You just might learn something new."
When quoting me thanks for neatly leaving out the last words...."But it's a good read." Picking and choosing are we? Look, people can believe whatever they wish. My point is that writings translated from whatever original language will change. Was the King James translation done by divine guidence or becuase he was footing the bill for it? The bible can be used for good or ill...Just look at the Rev Phelps and his crowd.
I was only making a suggestion
you don't have get so upset.
Everything is going to be alright
"I was only making a suggestion
you don't have get so upset.
Everything is going to be alright"
Sorry, that "need to read it more" kind of statement is something I will get time after time from hardcore fundamentalists. And it is a good read, but in the end I do not think it is the literal word of God. STILL.....a good guide in most respects.
We do agree- and I'd like to do a sandwitch board with the
Ten Commandments ont he front and the Ten commandments for
Liberals (as given by Rush Limbaugh a few years ago ) on the back.HAve sent copies of that page to my apostate Catholic representative and Senator.
Good read.
Are you certain of that? In 1Cor.5:1-5 Paul writes to the
church at Corinth and speaks of fornicaiton reported there. And my Bible does cite 1 Cor5:1-5 ,as are Gen.35:22
2Samuel 16:2--23;and 1 Kings 2:17-the comentaries I have
read suggest it is a valid interpretation of the phrase
to consider the suggesiton of sexual relations.So it seems not the stretch say a Peter Gomes the queer professor at Harvard Diviinity School might place on it.
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