Posted on 08/07/2005 9:04:46 AM PDT by nuconvert
Posted on Thu, Aug. 04, 2005
School on Aug. 8? Are they insane?
BY DAVE BARRY
Here's a multiple-choice test:
When should the school year start?
A. Sometime around Sept. 1, when most of the United States of America has started school for many decades.
B. On Aug. 8 -- also known as ''smack dab in the middle of summer'' -- when the average Florida classroom is roughly the same temperature as a pizza oven.
If you answered ''A,'' you are correct. If you answered ''B,'' you are an official of Miami-Dade or Broward public schools. These officials have decided that our children need to start school on Monday, when children from normal places are vacationing with their families, or attending summer camp, or lying on the sofa picking their noses and playing video games, which is what God clearly intended early August to be used for.
Among the children who will be trudging into Miami-Dade schools on Monday is my 5-year-old daughter, who enters kindergarten this year. When my wife told me the date our daughter would start school, my fifth question was: ``Why?''
(My first four questions, in order, were: ''Aug. 8?'' ''Did you say Aug. 8?'' ''You mean, like, the eighth day of AUGUST?'' ``Are they INSANE??'')
I found out that the reason for the extremely early start of the school year is -- as you veteran parents already know -- the FCATs. FCAT is an acronym standing for ``(Very bad word) Comprehensive Assessment Test.''
These are standardized tests that are administered to all public-school students in Florida to confirm the sneaking suspicion among us older people that these kids today are just not as sharp as we were, dadgummit.
The FCATs have come to dominate public education in Florida. At one time, the purpose of the public schools, at least theoretically, was to educate children; now it is to produce higher FCAT scores, by whatever means necessary. If school officials believed that ingesting lizard meat improved FCAT performance, the cafeterias would be serving gecko nuggets.
So what they've been doing is starting school earlier and earlier, to give teachers more time to drill the kids for the FCATs, which are given in February and March.
Last year, school started in the third week in August; this year it's the second week. If this keeps up it's only a matter of time before we're starting the school year around Memorial Day, which means parents will have to go on their family vacations without taking their actual families, keeping in touch with their children by postcard. (''Dear Dylan -- Disney World is great! Wish you were here! How do you like second grade?'') Yes, it would pretty much destroy childhood. But think of the FCAT scores!
Some other ways we might improve our FCAT performance are:
1. Expel students who are expected to do poorly on the FCATs. The school could send the parents of these students a letter that said: ``We're sorry, but we do not believe your child is capable of producing the kind of FCAT scores that we need to maintain our average here at Coral Snail Elementary.''
2. Import students to Florida from places that tend to produce high standardized-test scores, such as Japan.
3. Cheat. Hey, this is Miami-Dade County! If we can't cheat, what's the point of living here?
4. Instead of starting the school year insanely early, give the tests later.
Ha ha! I'm just kidding with that last one, of course. What a crazy idea! But I sure wish we could find a way to avoid the gradual elimination of our children's summers. I suspect many of you parents out there feel the same way.
In fact, that gives me an idea: Why don't we all write letters to our school board members telling them how we feel? We could collect all these letters and put them in a big box, and then, on the day of the next school board meeting, we could throw the box into a Dumpster. Because I seriously doubt that the school board cares what we parents think about this; if it did, it would never have decided to send our kids back to school on Aug. 8.
No, probably all we can do is shut up, pay our taxes and take our kids to school on whatever day works best for FCAT purposes. On Aug. 8, I'll be dropping my daughter off, with her little lunchbox in her little hand. We prefer to pack her lunch; she's allergic to gecko.
Dave Barry is funny. I think I will just copy this letter and send it to my school board. Here we start school Aug. 10 and I hate it. The days are still long and it isn't dark until 8:30 at night. Hard to get a child in bed when it's not dark outside. To function best in school they need adequate sleep and that's hard to do when it's still summer.
I gather you are a public school teacher. I can't imagine anyone else arguing that line, certainly not anyone who has sat in a classroom in the summertime taking education courses.
School boards of every political stripe quickly realize that their own real constituency is their own employees, especially the teachers. For the most part, nobody else--except a few activist parents--notice what they do. And nobody is likely to run against them in the next nonpartisan election except a disaffected employee. So they do all they can to keep the employees (and their union) happy. That is certainly what has happened in Fayette County, Georgia, where I live, and this is the most conservative place in America.
This happened here in the mid-70's, and the public schools have gradually followed along. August in Indiana is HOT, and many of our schools are not air conditioned. In addition, none of the school buses are air conditioned, either, and many kids in Indiana still ride school buses for 45 minutes, because rural districts are so large.
Now, because most of the kids are back in school by August 20, the State Fair (which used to run through Labor Day weekend) now starts next week in order to allow 4-H kids to exhibit without missing school. And because the State Fair starts earlier, all of the county fairs start earlier, too.
Which is why 4-H kids can't show tomatoes at the fairs anymore...the tomatoes aren't ripe!
My personal thoughts are that if the schools need to run a longer year, they should run through mid-June and start after Labor Day. June is much cooler than August.
At any rate, this entire switch in Indiana was done to accomodate teachers, not to help students. When you have had your child get off a school bus with her face beet-red from the heat, you get a little disgusted with the educational bureaucracy.
Actually, a lot of teachers don't exactly take all of the summer off. Many work other jobs or take classes. I get about a week and a half off for summer and then it's back to work so I don't usually take any classes. I've been in school for two weeks now, BUT will get three weeks off in another week. What will I do? I'll do some tutoring and a LOT of stuff for school, not to mention the thousands of other things I need to do. Any teacher who gets bored during such breaks should be taken somewhere and dropped down a hole. I will take a few days and go off on my only "vacation" of the year--back home to visit with family whom I rarely get to see.
"So you are saying that teachers continuing their education does nothing to make them better teachers and therefore benefit students?"
(him to someone else)I gather you are a public school teacher. I can't imagine anyone else arguing that line, certainly not anyone who has sat in a classroom in the summertime taking education courses.
Actually, a lot of teachers don't exactly take all of the summer off. Many work other jobs or take classes. I get about a week and a half off for summer and then it's back to work so I don't usually take any classes. I've been in school for two weeks now, BUT will get three weeks off in another week. What will I do? I'll do some tutoring and a LOT of stuff for school, not to mention the thousands of other things I need to do. Any teacher who gets bored during such breaks should be taken somewhere and dropped down a hole. I will take a few days and go off on my only "vacation" of the year--back home to visit with family whom I rarely get to see.
Wow, you totally didn't even respond to me, just turned it around and accused me of something. Didn't you read my post? I called you illogical and then you responded with an illogical retort. I guess I was right about the whole "mad" thing.
>>>I would be scared stiff because I had nightmares about them coming and taking my brain out of my head.>>>
LOL!! And let me guess, they would actually wash your brain, huh? Yeah, had that same fear myself accept it was about the Hari Krishna's at the airport. (Which my mother repeatedly warned me about)
>>>Be careful, he's going to pounce on that spelling of intelligent. >>>
DOH! Ok, THAT one was a spelling error.
>>>My personal thoughts are that if the schools need to run a longer year, they should run through mid-June and start after Labor Day. June is much cooler than August.>>>
Now this I agree with, especially being from Georgia in the heat. It would make much more sense, even though June is hot here too.
Some of those dreams were pretty bad. I would wake up just shaking sometimes. I used to see them walking along the highway and worried that they were coming to my house since we lived fairly close to it.
There's a Hare Krishna temple right outside this very Christian city about 40 miles from here. They actually haven't been that bad and have become part of the community. The people regard them as a curiousity more than anything. They're always having festivals so I guess people like the inexpensive food.
I make a ton of them. Being a grammar hound, it gets embarrassing when I do.
You made an irrelevant and insulting comment to me, and now you claim that I didn't properly acknowledge your position. I have no doubt now that you are a teacher well versed in summer coursework.
Some of the schools here (VA) start next week, also. But the poor lambs didn't even get OUT of school until mid-June. That's a 2-month summer, for crying out loud.
Yes there is. It is 180 days, on a nine week schedule with somewhere between 2 and 4 weeks off at the end of each nine weeks. I was a teacher, and it is called year round.
I recall why we needed an FCAT in the first place. We had no standards and large numbers of children were putting in their 12 years + of public school and graduating without the ability to read and write. The colleges had to test incoming freshman to determine if they could read and write and do any math. The public colleges had to do remediation to bring students up to a level where they could manage the college textbooks and write assignments.
The only way to have accountability in education is to test. Sure it is hard on the teachers, but without some standard test that is fairly administered and universal, the public can have no assurance that any teaching and learning has taken place.
I notice there is far less talk these days of "different learning styles," and evaluating a student's work with "portfolios" and such. Also, I believe our local schools have had to drop the week of self-esteem training they used to provide the elementary school children each year. The schools are also less understanding about poor behavior and less accommodating of it. "Whole language" and "rainforest math" are unlikely to make much headway in Florida because they prevent children from learning to read and do math and will therefore lower a school's overall FCAT score.
Our #1 elementary school in my county is a no-nonsense, back-to-basics school where the student and parent must get on a waiting list to apply to attend there. If accepted, they are required to sign a contract that covers behavior, manners, homework and volunteering for the parent. This school produces a 92% level on the FCAT.
I applaud the FCAT. We lost an entire generation of children to fads and failed programs. The FCAT keeps the focus on what the schools are supposed to do which is educate the children to read, write and do math.
My two children have mentioned quite a few times how much they appreciated having me home for them.
I also used to have all the neighborhood children at my house after school. I can't tell you how many children I have baked cookies with, done school projects and craft projects and just had time to listen to them.
We got by just fine on my husband's pay. We have no regrets on that score.
Schools in Arizona are starting at this time. I am still debating about when to start our school year. (we homeschool) I wanted to start early so I could get through a course ith my daughter by Christmas Break. We started last week, then I decided for my own sanity (since some things weren't done yet) that we will put it off until the public school goes into session. After reading this, I almost want to wait until Labor Day like we usually do.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.