Thursday, July 7, 2005
NATIONAL CHOCOLATE DAY! !!!!
Eat your vegetables!
Chocolate is a vegetable.
It comes from the Cacao tree found in rainforests.
Aquarius, could it be that the Navy is not for you?
Remember - every cloud has a silver lining, and every problem is an opportunity in disguise. So next time you see a problem, just imagine it without the fake nose and glasses.
While cracking your knuckles today, you will be a bit startled to hear a "ping" sound rather than a "pop." That's a bad habit, anyway.
An older friend will avoid you today. Have you considered using any of the vast number of breath-freshening products that are available, these days?
Good day to take up crime fighting, as a hobby. First, make yourself a really awesome leotard and cape, and maybe some sort of unusual headgear. That's how most of them get started.
Time to stop beating around the bush. You gotta do two things: Beat the bush itself; give it a good thrashing, and say "Nasty Shrub!" Once you get that out of your system, give the real Bush a hug and a buck.
You will feel tired and run-down today. This may possibly be because of the marathon you ran yesterday, and the taxi that ran into you near the finish line. Just a guess.
It's about time you learned some more recipes dealing with zucchini. Lots and lots of zucchini. You'll need one of those new Martha Stewart "Kitchen Shovels", I'm afraid. The good news is, you'll find several nice zucchini recipes in my new cookbook "Recipes For Disaster" (the sequel to "Another Fine Mess").
You will invent a new type of bath toy today. It will bring you fame and fortune, although it will also be the cause of an embarrassing appearance on the Letterman show.
You will realise soon that you've missed your true calling in life -- that of a New Vaudevillian, a theatrical marvel of the Age of Cable. Starting as "Professor Snibble and the Yodelling Pigs!", you'll rapidly achieve notoriety, and (much later, with a different act) respectability.
It's time to get a new perspective on your job. Try to think of work as a great big funhouse. Just without the fun.
You will be conducting naval maneuvers in the bathtub today, when you will have an unfortunate accident involving your toy submarine. The visit to the emergency room will be most embarrasing.
Beware of Doug. |