Why Women Must Change Too if we are to Rescue Marriage

The Financial Times ^ | July 5, 2005 | Richard Tomkins

[senateforcaster]

not wanting women to work is quite sexist. I think that for a family to work well, a parent needs to be at home. however, saying that because you view women as weak that the woman has to be at home is just wrong. IF you want, why dont you stay at home? A woman has just as much right to work and have the other parent stay at home - women dont have a monopoly on being able to raise children.

[HairOfTheDog]

In fact, mens' needs are often diminshed and made to seem insignificant and laughed at.

Only if they bring them up on the first date. ;~D

[exnavychick]

Thanks! And Happy Anniversary to you and your wife, too. :) Mr. Ex and I are hoping to renew our vows in a church on our 10th...we eloped. :)

Yes, it's sad, and you could see the difference. Not to brag, but my son was/is well behaved, polite and articulate. Those girl's children were a bit more on the wild side...I felt sorry for them. I was lucky, though, I had had plenty of experience with small children, so it wasn't as hard for me to adjust to being a mom.

[Fawn]

I truly believe that if men didn't cheat on their wives so much and leave them home alone all day with the children. ....that women wouldn't have been brought up to get 'educated before marriage'.

[softwarecreator]

Sorry for the confusion, thought everyone knew what effeminate meant.  According to dictionary.com:

ef·fem·i·nate  ( P )  Pronunciation Key  (-fm-nt)
adj.
Having qualities or characteristics more often associated with women than men. Characterized by weakness and excessive refinement.

[exnavychick]

Heh...you can thank Martin Lawrence for that one, I think. :)

[Melas]

I do not want kids, so I guess that makes me selfish and shallow. You live in your world and I will play in mine. We will never agree on the fact that a woman has to have kids to be a "real person" or a "good/fulfilled person".

I won't sling any perjoratives your ways but this isn't a minor split, it's a major one. There is a reason most people in your situation seek fellowship with other childless couples and singles, while most families seek the same with other families. At some point you're just going to have understand that the majority of people simply cannot understand why anyone wouldn't want a family, and with that lack of understanding there is going come some snap judgments.

[papertyger]

I truly believe that if men didn't cheat on their wives so much and leave them home alone all day with the children.

Then your beliefs are truly antiquated. You need to get out more.

[exnavychick]

Uh-huh. Like the possibilty of being widowed young and having small children to support wasn't a factor, either.

Sheesh.

[LongElegantLegs]

Well, first of all, women staying home with children is not the root cause of a divorce. Some women don't disdain household 'drudgery' like NOW wants us to. We're very lucky to be in America where we have a choice.
Gender is not the biggest problem in any failing marriage; Men are not predestined to cheat on their wives, that's a character flaw; not all women are faithful, or good wives, or easy to live with. It's more complicated than Man={Evil}...

[papertyger]

I do not want kids, so I guess that makes me selfish and shallow

Do you think she truly believes this?

[exnavychick]

LOL!

[Melas]

You dont need to read a book to see why women made less than men in the 1950's, there were virtually no women in professions, no female doctors, no female lawyers,no female computer engineers, and men greatly outnumbered females in college.

Do you know that in the early 20th century, it was said that women lacked the intelligence to be good secretaries? The profession was traditionally a male one, and there was a huge hullaballoo when women entered secretarial school.

[papertyger]

Well "Ripley" is still in the top five, but I think "Madeleine" is probably a stronger contender ;o)

[Melas]

I agree, young men aren't pursuing a career as aggressively as they once did. Would any of this have it's genesis in the modern male stereotype? You know, the one where we've gone from a benevolent, wise father figure, (Ozzie Nelson, Andy Griffith, Ward Clever), to the inept, stupid father figure, (Ray Barrone, Homer Simpson, Al Bundy)?

Why is it you guys always leave out the positive father figures in modern TV shows when you make these comparisons? Heathcliff Huxtable, Eric Cramden, and Jonathan Kent to name a few always seem to be left out. Ray Barone isn't that much of a bumbling father btw, seems like a fairly realistic portrayal to me.

[LongElegantLegs]

My personal favorite...

[Melas]

I'm going to have to agree with Kelly_2000, you aren't describing any feminists that I know personally. You might be describing some that I've read about, like Susan faludi or Andrea Dworkin, but few real life feminists are like that, if any all outside the famously weird.

[papertyger]

GO RED!

[exnavychick]

And it's a wonderful one, too. :) LOL, of course, that name was on my short list. :)

[Melas]

Not really, we just want so much more. If you lived as a family in the 1950s did, you'd be surprised at just how cheaply you could live.

Look at:

Square footage of housing. They lived in cracker boxes back then.

Appliances owned

Vehicles owned and annual mileage

Clothing owned

Extras like gym memberships

Eating out

I think you'd find we could all squirrel away fortunes if we lived as spartan a lifestyle as they lived then.