Why Women Must Change Too if we are to Rescue Marriage

The Financial Times ^ | July 5, 2005 | Richard Tomkins

[RHINO369]

I'm the ultimate procrastinator. I gotta start working for real this time!

[dajeeps]

Marriage is waning for a lot of reasons. It's a complex problem that has to do with the entertainment media, untreated mental health problems, economic factors, and people not being taught how much work marriage actually is, among the few I can think of.

My husband and I just celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary, and there have been a few times over those 11 years that I wanted to just teleport myself right out of it. It happens in every marriage. It's a feeling that can be overcome and worked through as long as both parties involved are responsible enough to their own commitments to do what it takes. Fortunately, we worked out our issues and then we go along until something else gets out of whack, and have to go through it again.

I am a very independent woman. In fact I am the major bread-winner in the household at the moment. I could have just left without a whole lot of impact to myself or my finances, but I didn't. It's because of the way I was raised, to honor my commitments, no matter how hard it is.

So, at least using me as an example, you can't say that independence, women working, or the women's movement has anything to do with it. It's all attitude and what people are willing to put up with and what they aren't, and what the reasons for that are.

[exnavychick]

Ah...I'm so jealous, lol! Mr. Ex was going to let me take one this am before he went to work, but the best laid plans...:)

I would agree with your statement 100%. If someone can't stop partying, or doesn't really want to is quite likely not ready for either marriage or parenthood. Some folks wise up after the fact, but of course it's better to be ready in the first place and spare yourself (and your loved ones) your growing pains.

Extreme youth isn't just for folks that are -um- chronologically challenged, so to speak, heh heh. My husband and I got married at 23 and 24...too young in a lot of people's minds. Had children right away, too. Oh...you wouldn't believe the hand-wringing! :)

But we're celebrating our 6th anniversary later this week. Not a huge amount of time, but longer than other folks I know.

[Tax-chick]

And as another wise woman stated it ...

Well, piffle! I thought I was being original!

[Tax-chick]

Congratulations on your anniversary! I was 22 when I got married, and Der Prinz was 26. Anoreth was born when I was 24, followed by all the others :-).

[justshutupandtakeit]

Your last sentence is a huge insult to the men fighting in Iraq. I would estimate that 95%+ are graduates of public schools. It is a silly myth that is very popular here that public schools are so terrible. They are one of the reasons America is the most powerful nation in the world.

How is it that foreign kids can come here, go to public schools and suceed?

[Tax-chick]

My last sentence was sarcasm, quoting RHINO###'s post #466:

Im sorry i offended you but most americans don't even know what the hell the Spanish Armada is.

The point was that he was criticizing educational alternatives, while at the same time denigrating the results of his favored option.

Your last sentence is a huge insult to the men fighting in Iraq.

I'm puzzled by this. Has there recently been a poll of our fighting men, asking them to identify particular historical facts? YOU seem to be suggesting that ignorance of the Spanish Armada would somehow make our soldiers less brave, diligent, or patriotic.

[justshutupandtakeit]

Did you not reference "fair" trade as a prescription? If yes then I have a pretty good idea about your prescriptions. If not then I would be happy to hear them though doubt there would be anything which could stand up to economic analysis as being a valid solution.

Simple analogies are best an the horse and buggy analogy clearly illustrates the absurdity of trying to protect obsolete industries.

What "party" would I be regurgitating? Free trade's benefits have been known since the time before parties at least in America. You can side with Buchanan if you like but I'll take Smith, Ricardo, Mill, Marshall, Friedman and the other thousands of economists who have closely studied this issue.

Today we have an unemployment rate of about 5.5% That is about as low as it can go. So free trade is NOT hurting us as a whole.

[Melas]

I guess that all depends on what you mean by girlish.

[Melas]

Man, I hate to say it, but I think that would take an entire cultural overall. If there is an area where other cultures have us beat, and a lot of cultures have us beat on this issue, it's being satisfied. We've created a culture where we're never satisfied with anything. We're the ultimate consumers, always wanting more.

[papertyger]

Does anyone else think educated females are boring? I can't stand dumb women, but most educated women have no sense of logic, and most spew liberal propaganda at me.

You have to let them ripen in the workplace for five or ten years, by then if they're going to get their wits back, it will have happened.

The greatest thing that ever happened to me was my wife becoming a manager: especially over women.

That's when it became in BOTH of our interests to analyze methods and tactics of female conflict.

[exnavychick]

LOL! Then you know very well what I was talking about. :) It didn't help matters any that people often think Mr. Ex is about 10 years older than he is (he takes that very hard, too, poor guy!) and I look -supposedly- about 10 years YOUNGER than I am. That got us some strange looks, too, heh heh.

BTW, Anoreth is an absolutely beautiful name. May I ask the origin? I'm too lazy to google today. :) Plus, I've got some spaghetti to finish, as my boys are reminding me.

[justshutupandtakeit]

It is remarkable that you believe there are not millions of teachers working in the public schools who believe the same thing.

[justshutupandtakeit]

They are almost all public school grads.

[Tax-chick]

Anoreth is her FReep name. She got it from a fantasy novel. Her real name is Josephine, after her Sicilian grandmother :-).

[Tax-chick]

So am I. That neither proves nor disproves knowledge of the Spanish Armada, nor has the relevance of this knowledge to the war in Iraq been demonstrated.

I'm just goofing with y'all, anyhow. Hot day here.

[exnavychick]

Hope you don't mind me butting in here, but as both a veteran AND a public school grad...I found myself thinking the exact same thing Tax-chick stated.

Not all public schools are bad, of course, and graduating from one doesn't make someone automatically ignorant, by any means. But he was kind of contradicting himself. BTW, I learned about the Spanish Armada, ect. in public school. I learned more by reading on my own, however.

[Eaker]

Ping for later.

[LongElegantLegs]

Men screw up the marriage....not women. Women are programmed and capable of living alone.....men aren't. They always want the 'wife' and the 'single life' ---never grow up. Don't blame women...It's mens fault.

How old are you? You must be very young and inexperienced, or you're very naive and live with lots of cats.

[exnavychick]

Both names are great! :)

*sigh* I had so many beautiful girl's names picked out, and never got to use one, lol. Even my cat is male!