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TOM CRUISE BIDS FAREWELL TO EARTHReturns to Planet of Origin on Eve of Film’s Debut
The Borowitz Report ^ | June 28, 2005 | Andy Borowitz

Posted on 07/03/2005 9:14:29 AM PDT by COUNTrecount

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To: mountn man

What I still cant believe is that pseudo detox clinic he and his scientologist friends set up in ground zero...


21 posted on 07/03/2005 9:33:35 AM PDT by pitinkie (revenge will be sweet)
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To: bill1952

LOL!!! "Why would you do that! Why would you do that?" pizzzzzzzzzz..."Why did you do that again? Why did you do that again?" pizzzzzzzzz.."Why did you do that yet again? Why did you do that yet again?" pizzzzzzzz...


22 posted on 07/03/2005 9:40:23 AM PDT by EdHallick (Dodo the kid from outer space, he has propellers on his heels)
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To: mountn man

Wow, time has not been kind to Vanilla Ice.


23 posted on 07/03/2005 9:41:34 AM PDT by TightyRighty
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To: COUNTrecount

ACK-ACK-ACK-ACK-ACK-ACK-ACK-ACK

Translation:We don't want him, we sent him to you in the first place. He's to strange!!!

24 posted on 07/03/2005 9:54:37 AM PDT by mountn man (Everyone brings joy into a room. Some when they enter. Others when they leave)
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To: COUNTrecount

In the near future... Tom Cruise movies will all be free. A plate will be passed during a short intermission for Scientology donations.


25 posted on 07/03/2005 9:55:37 AM PDT by johnny7 (How often does a '47 Rodham require servicing?)
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To: RckyRaCoCo

You know something I found very interesting about that was how it changed Toms attitude. When he was telling this guy about the movie, he was talking very arrogant, folding his arms like an authority figure, sort of talking down to the guy. And when this guy squirted him in the face, Tom immediately changed that attitude and laughed. I mention this because my cousin has a baby who sometimes goes into crying fits and will not stop no matter what she does. So what she usually does as a last resort is she sprays water into his face using an emptied Windex bottle filled with water, it makes a mist of water, and I swear, this kid immediately stops crying! It`s like night and day, and this is the same thing I saw here with Cruise. He was in this arrogant attitude and the guy got him out of it the same way, which is why Cruise laughed at first. I think the real reason Tom got ticked off was not exactly because this guy sprayed water in his face, but because he stopped him from being arrogant.


26 posted on 07/03/2005 10:01:07 AM PDT by EdHallick (Dodo the kid from outer space, he has propellers on his heels)
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To: COUNTrecount

Bye!

Make is a long trip!


27 posted on 07/03/2005 10:02:21 AM PDT by nmh (Intelligent people recognize Intelligent Design (God).)
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To: COUNTrecount
He looks like Monica Lewinsky in that shot.

ROTFLMAO!

28 posted on 07/03/2005 10:02:37 AM PDT by KittyKares
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To: COUNTrecount
Not to worry, Tom will have lot's of company .... You know those" Wacky" Scientology types Always travel in Groups! (it's a "Dianetics" thing ... )


29 posted on 07/03/2005 10:23:23 AM PDT by austinmark (Torture? Koran abuse? ... I'd Rather Be A Koran In Gitmo THAN A Bible in Saudi Arabia !!!)
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To: austinmark
Not to worry, Tom will have lot's of company .... You know those" Wacky" Scientology types Always travel in Groups! (it's a "Dianetics" thing ...

NY POST/PAGE SIX.. SINCE Katie Holmes hooked up with Tom Cruise and the Scientologists, she's not allowed to be alone - ever. When Holmes accompanied Cruise to a recent taping of "The View," eyebrows were raised when she wasn't allowed to go to the bathroom alone. At one point, Cruise asked where the bathroom was and "took Katie with him into the men's room," an insider says. Later, when Holmes needed to go, "three Scientologists followed her in." A rep for "The View" said, "We don't follow guests to the bathroom." Some were also concerned because Holmes "looks like she hasn't slept in weeks."

30 posted on 07/03/2005 10:27:41 AM PDT by COUNTrecount
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To: KittyKares

MOnica babe?....that's what I was thinking but could not find the right words. Must be our great ( dirty) minds.


31 posted on 07/03/2005 10:36:28 AM PDT by Critical Bill ("Iraq is fighting for all the Arabs. Where are the Arab armies?" ... George Galloway MP)
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To: COUNTrecount

I read that the girl friday Katie Holmes is not allowed to go to the bathroom alone.... three Scientologists escorted her to the bathroom at a recent taping of The View... surpised Cruise left her on the landing pad...


32 posted on 07/03/2005 11:00:43 AM PDT by Conservatrix ("He who stands for nothing will fall for anything.")
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To: RckyRaCoCo

Looking at that picture, I can't help but think that's probably not the first time Tom has, um, had something like that happen to him. That could easily be a screen capture from one of Tom's home movies.


33 posted on 07/03/2005 11:01:47 AM PDT by CoolPapaBoze
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To: heylady
Sorry but anyone that tells Matt Lauer off is ok in my book.

There is nothing that's "ok" about Cruise. He's a mouthpiece for a very dangerous cult.

34 posted on 07/03/2005 11:09:25 AM PDT by DJ MacWoW (If you think you know what's coming next....You don't know Jack.)
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To: COUNTrecount
He looks like Monica Lewinsky in that shot.

I wish you hadn't said that. I had to get a towel and clean the coffee off of my monitor and keyboard.

35 posted on 07/03/2005 11:30:10 AM PDT by Marauder (Politicians use words the way a squid uses ink.)
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To: COUNTrecount

BAWAhahahahh !!!!!!!!


36 posted on 07/03/2005 11:31:06 AM PDT by austinmark (Torture? Koran abuse? ... I'd Rather Be A Koran In Gitmo THAN A Bible in Saudi Arabia !!!)
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To: COUNTrecount

I believe the air on whatever planet he's from is really thin, and there's no "brain food" there.


37 posted on 07/03/2005 11:31:57 AM PDT by Marauder (Politicians use words the way a squid uses ink.)
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To: COUNTrecount

tom and his girlfriend/hostage were meant for each other...


38 posted on 07/03/2005 12:02:42 PM PDT by Chode (American Hedonist ©®)
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To: COUNTrecount

I found a web site advertising "Free Katie" tee shirts. Enterprising minds are quick.


39 posted on 07/03/2005 1:44:52 PM PDT by KittyKares
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To: MikeinIraq

don't feel sorry for her, she went from a C-list actress to on every magazine imaginable, and supposedly is also getting 8 million out of the deal.


40 posted on 07/03/2005 1:50:49 PM PDT by LSUsoph
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