Iran Says it's Building The Most Peaceful Nuclear Weapon Ever

Borowitz Report ^ | 7/2/05 | Borowitz Report

[freedom44]

Iran’s new president-elect, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, raised eyebrows in the international community today by claiming that his nation is building what he called “the most peaceful nuclear weapon ever.”

In a press briefing in Tehran, Mr. Ahmadinejad acknowledged for the first time that Iran was in fact building a nuclear weapon, but pooh-poohed any talk of Iran being a threat to its neighbors, telling reporters, “The nuclear bomb we are currently building is for display purposes only.”

Mr. Ahmadinejad said that it was his hope that in building the world’s most peaceful nuclear weapon, other nations in the region and around the world would build totally peaceful nuclear weapons of their own.

But the Iranian president-elect’s claims about the peacefulness of his nuclear weapon drew a somewhat skeptical response from International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) chief Mohamed ElBaradei, who told reporters that he had seen Iran’s nuclear weapon and noticed that it was “hooked up to a countdown clock like you see in James Bond movies.”

The IAEA chief added, “Also, it was attached to a little box with a red button on it – what’s that all about?”

In response to Mr. ElBaradei’s question, Mr. Ahmadinejad said, “A little red button is nothing to worry about. Red is a happy color.”

In Washington, President Bush criticized Mr. Ahmadinejad’s nuclear policy and also complained that “Ahmadinejad” was “nearly impossible to spell.”

Elsewhere, in his most gloomy assessment to date, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said that the insurgency in Iraq could last longer than Cher’s Farewell Tour.

[Man50D]

We have the most peaceful arsenal of Bunker Buster Bombs Iran has ever seen.

[Delta 21]

It all depends on your point of view.

The most peaceful nuclear weapon is the one that you use to annihilate your enemy.

We already have a bunch of these. Maybe we should remind the planet of this fact and show them how peaceful a place the world would be if we used a few of these on Iran and Syria and maybe Saudi Arabia, etc......

[freedom44]

Pillbox -

Thousands of Iranians after 9/11 held a spontaneous candle light vigal for our dead only to be attacked and some killed- the only country in the mid-east to show such sympathy towards the US:

http://www.time.com/time/europe/photoessays/vigil/4.html

'Dancing' in streets were Palestinians - get your facts straight or don't argue at all.

[freedom44]

Hodar - show me clips or a link of people in Tehran 'celebrating' 9/11 as you say..

Thousands of Iranians after 9/11 held a spontaneous candle light vigal for our dead only to be attacked and some killed- the only country in the mid-east to show such sympathy towards the US:

http://www.time.com/time/europe/photoessays/vigil/4.html

'Dancing' in streets were Palestinians - get your facts straight or don't argue at all.

[rjp2005]

This is unbelieveable! Who is this guy - Mike Myers as Dr. Evil?

"But you see, its a PEACEFUL nuclear weapon, Mr. Bigglesworth. Do you like the red button, Mr. Powers?"

A peaceful nuclear weapon for display. Clearly this man has a sick sense of humor and he's just laughing his rear off that nobody is doing anything substantial to stop them.

[pillbox_girl]

Once again:

We cannot let the gamble that the mythical "pro-American Iranian Majority" actually exists deter us from ending the nuclear ambitions of the mullahs.

Our number one priority with Iran is ensuring the Ayatollahs do not get nuclear weapons. Any other concerns come second to that. A free and democratic Iran would be preferred, but if the only choice is between a nuclear capable mullocracy or a smoking pile of rubble, the choice is clear. If there really is a "pro-America Iranian majority", then they are the only ones capable of creating a third option of a free and demoratic Iran. But they are on a schedule set by the mullah's nuclear program, and they are running out of time.

Regardless of whether or not the recent elections were legitimate, and regardless of whether or not a pro-American Iranian majority actually exists, the mullahs will not be permitted to gain nuclear weapons. Plain and simple. If we don't do it, the Israelis will. Also plain and simple.

We would prefer a free and democratic Iran. But we will settle for a bombed out shell if that's what it takes to ensure the mullahs don't get nuclear weapons. And Israel would probably just prefer a bombed out shell regardless.