Scientists Discover New Element - (Funny! - "Governmentium!"-lots to play with here!)

Private Email | JULY 1, 2005 | Unknown

[CHARLITE]

A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Governmentium".

Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311.

These 311 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert.

However, it can be detected, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but, instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration.

This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass". When catalyzed with money Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element which radiates just as much energy, since it has 1/2 as many peons but twice as many morons.

[sionnsar]

Been around a long time, but still funny.

[CHARLITE]

Non "slert" alert! FYI!

Char :)

[GSlob]

This thing has been periodically surfacing, even on FR, every several months. It has been known since the late 80s, if not earlier.

[JediForce]

A side element is Clintonium...which is a "staining" agent.

[crazyhorse691]

Funny. Congrats on your 1 year on Free Republic.

[Ole Okie]

It has been known since the late 80s, if not earlier.

Maybe so, but this is the first time I've seen it.

Genuinely funny.

[Fred Nerks]

Funny sad but true.

[Theresawithanh]

That was slertainly funny! I hadn't seen it before. Morons, isodopes! See, science can be fun!

[anniegetyourgun]

You forgot to mention that it's colorless, tasteless, and stinks to high heaven.

[Chode]

The only thing in nature more dense than Depleted Uranium is Algorium.

It is much too dense to be fashioned into a practical weapon and is so unstable it will actually go off on unassisted.

Highly embarrassing.

[timsbella]

My first read of it and it was definitely worth sharing! Still laughing!

[Smartass]

New element was found

Administratrium, The New Element

AMES, IA--The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by materials researchers at IPRT/ISU. The new element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons, and thus has an atomic weight of 0. However, it does have one neuron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together in a nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of particles called morons.

Since it has no electrons, Administratium is totally inert. However, it can be detected chemically, since it impedes every reaction it comes into contact with. According to its discovers, a tiny amount of Administratium caused on reaction to take over four days to complete; the normal reaction time is less than one second.

Administratium has a normal half life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Studies have shown that the atomic mass usually increases after each reorganization.

Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at points, such as governmental agencies, large corporations, and universities. It is always found in the newest, best appointed and best maintained buildings.

Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reactions where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising.

[BykrBayb]

ROFL

[GSlob]

Utterly useless - they already are choke full of it, and could be used as commercial sources, if only we could find a market for the stuff. But who would buy?

[CHARLITE]

"Congrats on your 1 year on Free Republic."

How very thoughtful of you. Now I know when I joined up! I knew that it was sometime last summer, but had forgotten the date. Where did you find it? . . .

Thanks so much again! It's nice to be "remembered!"

Char :)

[CHARLITE]

"Maybe so, but this is the first time I've seen it.

"Genuinely funny.".....

Thanks, Ole Okie! It was obviously the first time that I'd seen it also. People amuse me when they notify me that because they have seen certain items before, implying somehow that it wasn't worth posting.

No one person sees everything that circulates on the internet! What is "old" to many is still new to others!

Thanks a lot for your appreciative comment, Okie!

Char :)

[CHARLITE]

"Attempts are being made to determine how Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising."

I think this version is better, Smartass! Thanks! Very funny indeed!

Char :)