[stands2reason]

Did you think you could post this and not be discovered?

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Silly Pitiful Puny Human!!!!! You will be DESTROYED!!!!

[antmanbee]

too much Kerbango!

[Manic_Episode]

One of my favorite books of all time.

[FormerACLUmember]

Mr. Cranky reviews Battlefield Earth

Battlefield Earth is one of the worst films ever made. It’s that simple. It’s Plan 9 From Outer Space made for sixty million dollars. Had Ed Wood made Battlefield Earth, people would have expected an apology. When the cultural impact of this fiasco finally sinks in, John Travolta will be lucky if he can get a job plucking the gray hairs out of Ron Palillo’s *ss.

Battlefield Earth is based on a novel written by Church of Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard. Perhaps the Church of Scientology wanted to ensure nobody else joined up. This movie is like watching the Pope accidentally catch on fire while giving Easter Mass. If that’s not a time to rethink your spiritual choices, what is?

Discussing the details of the plot is akin to discussing the literary merits of a Nora Roberts novel. I just can’t emphasize enough how bad it all is. It’s such a disaster it may resurrect Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs’s career. He’ll be able to defend himself by saying, “At least I didn’t make Battlefield Earth,” and executives will have to acknowledge that he has a point. Anyway, it’s the year 3000, a thousand years after a race of creatures called the Psychlos has taken over the Earth. Their chief of security is Terl (John Travolta), who wants to use the humans as slaves for his personal gain. Unfortunately, Jonnie Goodboy Tyler (Barry Pepper) has other plans and leads a revolt.

Psychlos are essentially Jamaican Klingons who speak like Ferengi. The primary special effect in the movie is accomplished by filling buckets with dirt and pieces of concrete, then tossing them across the screen. Director Roger Christian has a hard-on for flying dirt like you would not believe. The guys who wrote this should be forced to dictate everything for the rest of their lives so they may never again touch pen to paper or finger to keyboard and declare themselves writers. If Christian can get a job as a Sears portrait photographer after this movie, Congress should make the use of cameras punishable by death. Every single scene is at an angle, which gave me the urge to slide off my chair and smash my skull into the floor. Action scenes look like they were shot inside a paint mixer.

If egos were f*rts, one imagines John Travolta could destroy an entire planet by devouring a single frozen burrito. That this film even got made is clearly one testament to that fact, and that they’re already planning a sequel is another.

[freedumb2003]

Have you eer READ BattleField Earth? I read it in HS and concluded LRH couldn't cerry a jar to capture the sweat from the jockstraps of Asimov, Heinlein, Ellison, Clarke, etc.

These nutcases literally think LRH was the greatest SF writer ever.

[zeugma]

Battlefield Earth is a fantastic book IMO. Slow in parts, but overall a great read. I can't remember ever reading anything else by Hubbard that was worth the paper it was printed on.

I attempted to read Dianetics once, but when someone uses the word "science" and phrase "scientific fact" on almost every page of a thousand page book, you can tell what they are talking about has very little to do with either "science" or "fact".

I've seen several versions of the Hubbard / Heinlien bet. I don't know if it is true, but from what I've seen, it certainly has the ring of truth. I thought of starting my own religion many years ago, but decided it wouldn't work out, because I'm simply incapable of taking someone's last dollar in the name of a lie.