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Celebrityworld: The Movie - Doug Powers on fact-fiction nexus of Hollyweird
WorldNetDaily ^ | 6-13-05 | Doug Powers

Posted on 06/13/2005 8:24:34 AM PDT by WrightOnTarget

In a story, a "suspension of disbelief" is the willingness to take what you know to be true about the real world, and not apply it to the story's world. But what happens when the two worlds collide? We end up with scripted, celebrity-driven real world, seriously covered by a red carpet-loving media, and full of proposals that should work because, after all, they worked in their last Dreamworks film.

Somewhere, there must be a script outline for this story, where fact dissolves into fiction, and vice versa, and it probably looks something like this:

______________

Celebrityworld: The Movie

Scene I: Penn is mightier than sword

Sean Penn, who, since his trip to Iraq – shortly before the outbreak of "Gulf War II" – has been a member of Middle Eastern Airlines' "Frequent Annoyer Program" and is sent to Iran by the San Francisco Chronicle to write about that country's upcoming presidential election. While there, Sean takes notes as he watches a prayer service where 6,000 Iranians chant "death to America."

Penn calmly observes in apparent indifference. However, when the crowd begins to chant "death to Hollywood," Penn becomes outraged and offended. Sean then wakes up sweating profusely, but calms down after realizing the latter part was only a bad dream.

Scene II: This place is the Pitts!

In the first "Primetime Live" interview that ever concluded with Diane Sawyer smoking a cigarette, actor Brad Pitt talks about the situation in Africa, where he points out that starvation is bad, and then pitches his new movie.

Thanks to this interview, it is reported that more than 120,000 people went online to sign a petition urging President Bush to pledge an additional 1 percent of the U.S. budget to humanitarian assistance. Panic then sweeps Africa as the media has them believing their very lives may hinge on how many American teenage girls are in love with Brad Pitt.

Scene III: Maybe Bono can save U, 2

The situation in Africa is dire. Millions are starving. Warlords are stealing the money and food, leaving the inhabitants for dead, and there's only so much Brad Pitt can do alone. Who does the world turn to in its time of crisis? That's right, the singer for an Irish rock band. The world is speechless. All is quiet on New Years Day.

Scene IV: The (not so) Greatest American

Discovery Magazine dives headfirst into the shallow waters of Celebrityworld, sponsoring "The Greatest American," a list of 100 names for whom readers can vote as the person who had the biggest impact on the United States. Of the 100 nominees, a quarter of them are or were entertainers. This presents voters with a quandary: Does curing polio, ending slavery, or writing the Constitution make one great, or is the ability to portray these people with an offensive amount of artistic license – and/or make us dance – what matters?

Slapstick intermission: Looped footage of Russell Crowe beating up a variety of hotel employees, bar bouncers and fans.

Scene V: The Material Putz

Madonna becomes a religious leader, embracing and promoting Kabbalah, which is also practiced by Barbra Streisand, Demi Moore, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton. Madonna later purchases a home in Central London to be used as a Kabbalah Center. In a gripping scientific sub plot, researchers at the legendary "Hertfordshire Dopey Diva Institute" harness the brain power of Madonna, Streisand, Moore, Spears and Hilton, and successfully toast a piece of bread, lightly, and on one side only.

In the scene's cliffhanger, Madonna's husband accuses her of "faking it," driving her to seek solace in the arms of a British speech coach to develop a more convincing English accent.

Scene VI: The good, the bad, and the Baldwin

The film ends with a touching scene. Actor and activist Alec Baldwin has for years lobbied to have the new Yankee Stadium built where the World Trade Center once stood. Alec finally gets his way as the city approves construction at ground zero. In the movie's final moments, Alec looks at the sun setting on Celebrity World, with a tear in his eye as the stadium, which will from that day forward be known as "The House That Thorazine Built," is christened.

As the credits roll, the camera pulls back to reveal the stands are filled with the likes of Bono, Madonna, Penn, Pitt, Jolie, Sheen, Reiner, Streisand, Asner and the other smiling leaders of Celebrityworld, a place where statues are built to represent the futility of symbolism, and "Intent Magazine" outsells "Results Monthly" 10 to 1.

The end? Unfortunately, it's only the beginning.

--------------------------------------------

Author's note: I've recently begun depleting the ozone layer of the blogosphere. Visit my new Web log for daily thoughts and responses to select reader e-mail.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Foreign Affairs; Government; Miscellaneous; News/Current Events; Politics/Elections
KEYWORDS: alecbaldwin; hollywood

1 posted on 06/13/2005 8:24:35 AM PDT by WrightOnTarget
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To: WrightOnTarget

I wouldn't put Bono in that crowd. He's the real deal.


2 posted on 06/13/2005 8:28:20 AM PDT by Borges
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To: Borges

Bono?..."the real deal" of what? Narcissistic, self-indulgent, self-righteous, self-important baloney?

I've gotten to the point of despising just about all so called "celebrities". I think most are outright traitors if not knee jerk America haters.


3 posted on 06/13/2005 8:47:54 AM PDT by garyhope
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To: garyhope

I've always found it amazing. Some celebrity gives some time and yes, maybe even some money, and the media eats it up as the "second coming" of epic proportions. A business person gives millions of dollars (not to mention providing a model of how to get rid of poverty) and it's not publicized nearly as much, since he or she is a greedy capitalist who caused the problem in the first place.


4 posted on 06/13/2005 8:52:51 AM PDT by WrightOnTarget
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To: garyhope
Bono wouldn't be a traitor since he's not American. He is however a supporter of capitalist development in under developing countries. And has actually gotten countries to give debt relief. He's not in it for fame and fortune that's for sure.
5 posted on 06/13/2005 8:54:26 AM PDT by Borges
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To: Borges

I know Bono is Irish, I meant most so called American "celebrities".

"He's not in it for fame and fortune that's for sure." Yeah right. There are different types of "currancies", ego, pride, self-righteousness, smugness, hubris, etc.

If he really cared about Africa he'd have Mugabe, etc., exposed, deposed or killed. (Yes, I know he can't do the latter.)


6 posted on 06/13/2005 9:05:38 AM PDT by garyhope
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To: garyhope
I don't think that at this point one can question his dedication to what he's doing. He's been at it for over a decade. And has impressed some unlikely people...


7 posted on 06/13/2005 9:12:09 AM PDT by Borges
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