Are Liberals grading YOUR Essay? (SAT Story; Read!)

[burzum]

Take my comments as constructive criticism. I recommend you take them to heart and adjust your essay writing skills as needed.

The statement that you were required to respond to was: "Do people depend on work - whether it is a job, schoolwork, or volunteer work - to determine what their daily activities with others should be?"

At no point in your essay is your argument strongly directed to this question. You discussed briefly that work will allow people to form friendships and marriages, but completely dismissed how work affects daily activities (for example, how do the daily actions that you carry out by doing work affect friendships and marriages). This is why the sample paragraph was given: "Work works for us. It structures our time and imposes a rhythm on our lives. It gets us organized into various kinds of communities and social groups. And perhaps most important, work tells us what to do every day."

You were instructed to "1) Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on the issue. 2) Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations."

On #1, you have developed a point of view on a different issue; therefore, you get no credit. On #2, I could find no place where you supported the required argument. You make several statements that have nothing to do with how work affects daily activities with others. Aside from these gross errors, you have poor sentence and paragraph structure and have several places where you have used words poorly or incorrectly. You should be happy with a total score of 7. I would not have been so kind if I was grading it.

The most important lesson of the SAT which applies to math, verbal, and essay portions is "answer the question asked".

[The Las Vegas Hoodlum]

I would have given you 2s or 3s myself.

[pipecorp]

I agree. One of the first things I recall in any writing class was to know, and understand your audience. The ability to either bring them to the point of understanding on your level, or reach them at theirs, is based on this.

[cgbg]

My tip for your future college days:

If you get a professor who has written books in a social science class find and read all of them. Then you will know what makes the prof tick.

You shouldn't quote from the books and you shouldn't let the prof know you read them.

Just make sure your essays include the key concepts that rule the profs world.

P.S. Don't tell anyone on campus you are doing this--just do it!

[yarddog]

The only reason for essay tests is so the grader can slant the score however he wants.

[Ultra Sonic]

I'm well aware that my essay is flawed. I'm not saying that it isn't. I was just using my essay as just an example for a topic of liberalism in academia.

To be honest, I'm a little surprised I did that well. After all, this was the first time I've EVER written an essay to be graded (whether or not this a bad sign for the education system of this country is up to you to decide).

I've still got a ways to go. I acknowledge that.

Thank you for your constructive criticism.

[Knitting A Conundrum]

As a person who has graded a lot of this type of essay, at the college level, I will tell you that yes, your paper will be most likely be graded by people with a liberal background.

Your essay was filled with things that are allowed in casual writing, but in college writing are considered errors. All those single words you used like sentences can be counted by a grader as grammatical flaws. I've taken part of it, bolded the things they could count as errors, and made a few notes.

Work.sentence fragment It is the backbone of any functional and working society (pun fully intended). The labor force drives the economy. Without it, our lives would have no meaning.

How do I know?

(this would be counted as a paragraph flaw, as well as a sentence flaw)Welfare.

Sure, a weekly welfare check MAY seem pleasant; however, I must ask: (they would have probably counted the colon here as a sentence flaw) is the sense of reward the same? The sense of satisfaction from a hard day's work? sentence fragment The knowledge that your money is earned, and not taken from the taxpayer's pockets? sentence fragment/

Of course not!sentence fragment and paragraph flaw

Am I being too harsh? Too cynical about those who live off the government? sentence fragment

Perhaps. You've done it again.

By this point, they very well may have stopped reading. It's nice, colloquial writing, but it isn't formal writing, and with a topic that irritates the reader, it is guaranteed to get a low grade.

It could have been written more formally, and they would have probably graded it higher.

Here's an example of part of it:

Work is the backbone of any functiona society. The labor force drives the economy, but more than that, without it, our lives would have little meaning.

How do I come to that conclusion? We can look at the experience of the people on welfare and the long term unemployed and compare them to people who are busy at work.

and so on and so on. If you are going to write something that is determined to pull the strings of the people who are going to judge what you say, you have to write better and with fewer problems than if you were writing something that they would agree with. Avoid colloquial, conversational writing and stay in a formal mode, with no fragments or run on sentences, and make sure all of your paragraphs have a topic sentence that relates to some sort of thesis for the entire essay, and they can't touch you.

This is just how it works.

[Knitting A Conundrum]

functiona = functional. Even English instructors make typos!

[Ultra Sonic]

Thank you very much. When I look at it like that, there's a lot more I need to improve upon.

[saquin]

I'n not trying to pick on you but you wrote "I'm well aware that my essay is flawed. I'm not saying that it isn't. I was just using my essay as just an example for a topic of liberalism in academia."

How is it an "example for a topic of liberalism in academia?" What makes you think you got relatively low scores because the scorers were "liberal" and disagreed with you? You're not doing yourself any favors going down this road. You wrote a poor essay and got relatively low grades that reflected that. End of story.

Instead of having a chip on your shoulder at such a young age, learn how to write a correct essay. If you write one like this for a college exam you will fail and deservedly so. And it won't be because the professor is "liberal".

Did you read this article on unwarranted self-esteem? Not entirely relevant to your post but you are laboring under similar self-delusions, albeit yours is a reflexive political defensiveness that ignores the fact that your low grade was deserved (and could have been lower).

Don't handicap yourself like this. Learn.

[Ultra Sonic]

I'm not trying to handicap myself. It's just a hypothetical topic. Please don't put words in my mouth.

[saquin]

Sorry if I came off a little harsh. I really just hate to see someone so young who's already closed himself off and has a chip on his shoulder.

By the way you wrote "after all, this was the first time I've EVER written an essay to be graded". I find that VERY disturbing! What are they teaching in schools these days?

[Ultra Sonic]

Eh, I haven't closed myself off. If I had, I'd be ranting on in a blog and being angry at everything instead of actually enjoying myself. :P

As for the latter portion of your post...well, the facts speak for themselves, don't they?

[saquin]

It's just a hypothetical topic. Please don't put words in my mouth.

Look, don't be silly. You posted it here because you surmised that your essay got low scores because of some political bias and you wanted our opinion on that. The fact is that it was a poor essay that deserved low scores. I don't see how political bias would even enter into it. If every time you do a poor job and get a deservedly low grade you rush to blame political bias you are handicapping yourself from learning from your mistakes. Don't be like that.

[saquin]

Re: schools not teaching essay-writing - well, the facts speak for themselves, don't they?

All the more reason to educate yourself. They do make SAT study guides and other books that teach essay-writing.

[Knitting A Conundrum]

I used to have to deal with my fellow instructors not passing a paper because they didn't like the essay's approach. They are human, and will knee jerk react. And the way they grade these is probably get a number of people together, and they grade for hours. One person reads it, marks it somehow without the other person knowing the grade, and the second person will grade it then they will total it.

The graders' minds grow numb. The things that stick out are bad grammar and subjects that make them have negative reactions or laugh.

Good grammar and enough length and an adequate, bland if inane paper will get you a higher grade that a controversial paper with errors every time.

[pickemuphere]

Agreed.. Even as a staunch conservative, I would have put said essay in the low C range.

[CouncilofTrent]

Just last semester I had a sociology professor who was also a "flat out commie". I simply wrote what she wanted to hear, got the 4.0, and was thrilled to be done with it.

[CouncilofTrent]

I think you use too many questions and do not elaborate on specifically why you believe what you believe. Albeit, you are correct within the essay, you should try to write longer and appease those reading the essay. I've done this mulitiple times and can tell you that the longer the paper and the more it conforms to the minds of those reading it, the better your grade will probably be.

[jacquej]

You have been given some excellent pointers on how to get ahead academically, and I hope you take the advice given to heart.

If you haven't been given many opportunities to write good essays, now is the time to begin. An assignment need not be given in class for you to take the initiative yourself. Begin writing essays on anything topic you find interesting. If you get stuck for ideas, FreeRepublic is chock full of these.

Post a few of them for us to read and respond to, asking for further advice. Then rewrite them a few more times. The more you write, the more you think. The more you think, the better you write, and so on.

Best of luck to you in taking personal responsibility for improving your own communication skills. No matter what field you choose to pursue, these are vital.