Posted on 05/26/2005 7:36:47 AM PDT by Phantom Lord
Redneck IQ Test
I am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South. I challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam:
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
(B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle, or
(C) '64 Pontiac GTO.
3. If your uncle builds a still, which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?
4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw, which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?
8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?
9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during this shift?
10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the interstate highway to breed a country and western singer?
I betcha thought that test was gonna be an easy one, didn't you? It's okay if you didn't do all that well. Just goes to show you... There's a hole heap of things that big city book learning don't prepare you for in this life.
As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK CHALLENGE" here's some Southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece... Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with 'em.
To the Redneck Scrap Book
...with a $10 customer waitin' outside.
;-)
"It's hot enough to drive a dog off a gut wagon."
As a Tennessee resident I'll be offended as soon as I stop ROFL! Guess I'm fixin' ta go sit on the front porch couch, get me a chew, and cypher the answers to this here test.
Hotter'n a brake rotor at Bristol. Double points for having a NASCAR/redneck origin.
Holy crap! 20 gals per hour?! How big is the boiler? 500 gallons?
And if it is producing 20 gallons per hour, the product is already condensed.
And speaking of size, several years ago in Johnston County NC, there was a bust of a guy who had a 10,000 gallon still in his barn!
B and C would still be runnin.
I have laughed so hard I am cryin' some. Thanks for the GREAT POST!!
YOU HAVE JUST RECEIVED A MEXICAN VIRUS!!!!!
Since Mexicans are not so technologically advanced, this is a MANUAL virus. Please delete all the files on your hard drive yourself.
Thanks.
What a scream. Thanks.
Tooooo close to home for some of my relatives, though!
The biggest rednecks I know drink Natural Light.
I don't think this is a fair test. Consider the following:
1. How big does a bathtub have to be to hold a chevy truck transmission?
2. What is the average number of news crews that show up at any given trailer park after the tornado hit?
3. How many people does the average person hit on at a given family reunion?
4. Who in the average family needs rogain more: men or women?
"I swear to you, there are no American infidel UFO's within 100 miles of Baghdad..."
Long time no hear-um from you girly!
To get the answers call BR549 - 24/7.
Isn't the condensing array the part that actually produces the liquid. So if you get a measurable amount like 20 gallons then the vapor has already been condensed. Filtering and aging (20 minutes or so !) being the final processes. Yes?
What was Mr. 10k's name? Jack Daniels? Hiram Walker? Or his brother Johnny?
The MJ bust was so big they didn't have room in the evidence room to store it so they got a back hoe, dug a big hole behind the police station, buried it, and when they came back the next morning it was gone!
Brilliant!
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