Why I'm not a 'South Park Conservative', by Michelle Malkin

Townhall.com ^ | May 4, 2005 | Michelle Malkin

[OESY]

I'll get to First Lady Laura Bush's bawdy stand-up routine in a minute. But I want to highlight a related new book out about how young conservatives are shaking up the dominant liberal media culture. It's called "South Park Conservatives." My name is listed on the cover along with many other (mostly) right-leaning pundits, websites, and bloggers, but I must confess to having mixed feelings about the honor.

The best-selling book's author, Brian C. Anderson of the Manhattan Institute, writes a fun, breezy survey documenting the rise of talk radio, FOX News, the Internet, conservative publishing, and college Republican activism. Anderson's chapter on the success of conservative talk radio and the abysmal failure of liberal Air America to replicate it is incisive. Another chapter on the blogosphere (alone worth the price of the book) gives readers a useful history of the explosion of news, opinion, and political websites that have smashed the left-wing media monopoly.

But how did such a wide-ranging list of individuals and organizations -- Anderson's book cover includes the names of conservative-leaning Internet pioneer Matt Drudge and center-left journalist Mickey Kaus, the libertarian Tech Central Station, the culturally conservative WorldNetDaily, political upstart Arnold Schwarzenegger and political chameleon Andrew Sullivan, plus Ann Coulter, Laura Ingraham, and myself, along with a feature blurb from Jonah Goldberg -- all get lumped under the umbrella term "South Park Conservatives"?

Anderson argues that Comedy Central's cartoon series "South Park" embodies the "fiercely anti-liberal comedic spirit" of the "new media" from Kaus to Coulter. The cartoon, he writes, reflects a "post-liberal counterculture" that is "particularly appealing to the young, however much it might offend older conservatives."

Well, I'm 34 and no fan of "South Park." I have many good friends who are indeed huge boosters of the show, but I find that the characters' foul language overwhelms any entertainment I might otherwise derive from the show's occasional, right-leaning iconoclastic themes.

"South Park" may be "politically incorrect." But "politically incorrect" is not always a synonym for "conservative."

My discomfort with "South Park's" increasingly mainstream vulgarity is not a matter of nitpicking. We're not just talking about a stray curse word here or there. As liberal New York Times columnist Frank Rich points out, "South Park" "holds the record for the largest number of bleeped-out repetitions (162) of a single four-letter expletive in a single television half-hour." That's probably about the same number of profanities uttered at John Kerry's infamous New York City celebrity fundraiser last summer, which Republicans rightly condemned for its excessive obscenities.

Rich is wrong about most things, but he's painfully on target in noting the incongruous pandering now taking place by some in the cool-kids clique on the Right. Conservatives criticize Hollywood relentlessly, but as Rich notes, "the embarrassing reality is that they want to be hip, too."

Which brings me to Mrs. Bush. She demonstrated at the celebrity-studded White House Correspondents' Dinner this weekend that you can entertain without being profane. Most of her humor was just right: Edgy but not over the edge. But her off-color stripper and horse jokes crossed the line. Can you blame Howard Stern for feeling peeved and perplexed? And let's face it: If Teresa ("I'm cheeky!") Heinz Kerry had delivered Mrs. Bush's First Lady Gone Mildly Wild routine, social conservative pundits would be up in arms over her bad taste and lack of dignity.

The First Lady resorting to horse masturbation jokes is not much better than Whoopi Goldberg trafficking in dumb puns on the Bush family name. It was wholly unnecessary.

Self-censorship is a conservative value. In a brilliant commencement speech at Hillsdale College last year, Heritage Foundation president Ed Feulner called on his audience to resist the coarsened rhetoric of our time: "If we are to prevail as a free, self-governing people, we must first govern our tongues and our pens. Restoring civility to public discourse is not an option. It is a necessity."

Lighten up, you say? No thanks. I'd rather be a G-rated conservative who can only make my kids giggle than a "South Park"/"Desperate Housewives" conservative whose goal is getting Richard Gere and Jane Fonda to snicker. Giving the Hollyweird Left the last laugh is not my idea of success.

[unsycophant]

Sure Mrs. Bush could have been playing to the 12-16 year old Southpark crowd, but I am not sure they have much respect for anyone-even her.

If they parody her, then we'll know for sure her act resonated with the it-crowd.

[Celtjew Libertarian]

For better or worse, the South Park crowd includes a lot of people of voting age. For that matter, it includes a fair deal of people who aren't South Park fans. Like myself.

The term was Republican Party Reptile, when I was in college... 20 years later, I'm a South Park Republican.

[unsycophant]

You look older.

[shhrubbery!]

You may call that absurd if you like. But it was not disingenuous.

The 'autopilot' scenes in Airplane!, if I remember them correctly (and I may not --it's been years since I saw that movie), were not that obvious. IIRC to a small child, it would've just looked like a silly balloon toy flopping over.

Even though as I said, I wouldn't show that movie to little kids, I doubt a small child would've picked up what was going on there --unless, of course, that child had already been exposed to a hypersexualized environment. (Say, oh, hearing about Bill Clinton's romantic exploits, for example.)

OTOH, here's what my children would've been asking me about First Lady's jokes, if they were still little:
- Mommy, what does she mean, "Dollar Bill Lynn" ?
- What's a chippendale, mom?
- Mom, what's "Desperate Housewives" about? Can I watch it? Pleeeeeeeease?
- Mom, how do you milk a male horse?

[dirtboy]

It's always fun to read what passes for phlegmatic contradiction among the terminally self-conscious.

This from someone who apparently considers debate to be calling the other side closet Democrats.

If you'll answer the first question I posed to you

Ah, now this is all my fault, and you're the victim.

at which point we can have a conversation.

Who says I want a conversation with the likes of you? Someone who disparages the other side with no evidence.

ntil then, buzz off.

Aw, poor baby can dish it out but can't take it.

[shhrubbery!]

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Ah. Another revelation to us unanointed! Why thank you for that original insight.

Er...waitaminute. How is that an insight? Care to explain?

Otherwise I can only interpret that as your patting yourself on the back for finding "beauty" in coarse jokes.

[shhrubbery!]

If you really want the answer to that, see post 904.

But I've learned not to expect a civil or rational response from you, Howlin.

So if you don't get any more replies from me to your ad hominem attacks, don't take it as a backing off. I'm just not going to waste my time with you anymore.

[shhrubbery!]

A good case can be made that the "holier-than-thou" types are the ones who flaunt their "holier-than-thouness" by pointing out, "Look how much more hip I am in than you are...You are such a prudish, Puritanical ninny"

Great point. You've turned the tables.

We sure are living in a time when even (some) conservatives call evil good, and good evil.

[Howlin]

This is what I asked you:

You're actually saying that what Laura Bush said was worse than the blow job scene in Airplane?

I don't SEE an answer to that question in your reply to me. I can see why you wouldn't "waste" your time with me; no answer speaks volumes.

[Celtjew Libertarian]

I've had to field similar questions.... It can be a bit startling, when your nine-year-old asks, "What's pornography?" Turns out he'd run across a video on the Internet that mentioned it, in passing.

So I told him: "It's pictures of adults without their clothes on. Sometimes they're being romantic. Some adults like looking at them."

"Oh. I thought it might be something like that."

< very stern voice >"You do realize that it's for adults only."< /very stern voice >

"Daddy, I'm a kid! I'm not interested in that romantic stuff."

Not the easiest bit of parenting I've had to do, but I was quite satisfied with it.

[JCEccles]

Not the easiest bit of parenting I've had to do, but I was quite satisfied with it.

It is unlikely that you've won the battle with one stern admonition, especially if your child senses that you approve of pornography for your own consumption.

[shhrubbery!]

My reply to you directed you to another reply I made to another, similar post. Again, see #904 if you're really interested -- but I ask that you not bother yourself if you can't reply civilly.

And don't flatter yourself that your ad hominem attacks have vanquished anyone who disagrees with you here.

Some of us here have realized that attempting rational argument with Howlin really is, so to speak, beating a dead horse.

[Celtjew Libertarian]

Who said anything about one incident being the entire parenting battle? It's an ongoing process.

In general, I've found that the best way to deal with adult aspects of life, as a parents, is to use the term "appropriate." "This is appropriate for everyone." "This is not appropriate for children, but it it's okay for adults." ("Why?" "Because you have to be responsible.") "This is not appropriate for anyone." Sometimes, "This is not appropriate in real life, but yes, it's pretty danged funny in comedy." In my case, I also use, "Mommy and Daddy cut you a lot of slack in what we let you watch/read/play. If you don't act responsibly, we will put more limits on you."

It is basically how my parents raised me -- although I doubt they ever analyzed it as I have -- with regard to these things and I'm very happy with how I turned out in that department. I have seen no reason to change that yet.

[Celtjew Libertarian]

"I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse." -- What's Up, Tiger Lily?

(After that, it was all downhill for Woody Allen.)

[Howlin]

Geez, get over yourself. This isn't HIGH SCHOOL.

[shhrubbery!]

I've had to field similar questions.... It can be a bit startling, when your nine-year-old asks, "What's pornography?"

LOL. I'm laughing ruefully.

That actually reminds me of something that happened not with my children, but with my dad.

Some years ago at the dinner table, my family was stunned into silence when my elderly dad suddenly asked, "What's a lesbian?"

Seems he had heard the word used on late night television. The concept had never occurred to him.

[68 grunt]

... Some of us here have realized that attempting rational argument with Howlin really is, so to speak, beating a dead horse.

And some of us here are very aware that reasoning with needlebutts is impossible. Howlin' is doing great at smokin' 'em out, which gives us the opportunity to distance ourselves from them via the vehicle of ridicule. Needlebutts are as bad as liberals, and can be ridiculed equally. It must be constantly pointed out that needlebutts are very un-Christian, even anti-Christian.

[68 grunt]

I have a bizarre memory from childhood. I asked my dad about a word I heard. "Dad, what's a turd?" Dad looks at me very strangly for a few seconds and says, "Do you know what shit is?" I nod. "Well, a turd is a cold piece of shit."

Much like this issue.

[Celtjew Libertarian]

LOL!

The first funeral I attended, was my maternal grandfather's, when I was 17. On the way from the synagogue to the cemetery, I was in a limo, at the front of the procession, with my grandmother, my mother and aunt, my father and uncle, and my aunt's cousins.

We got cut off by another driver, so close the limo driver honked.

My aunt said, "At least we're at the front of the line. I was once in the middle of a funeral procession, when someone cut me off and nearly hit me. I honked, then he gave me the finger and drove off."

There were a few seconds of silence, then my Grandmother (born in the Ukraine, raised in Boston, former school-teacher, then in her 80s) asked, "What's 'the finger?'"

Everyone -- including the limo driver -- roared with laughter. (My grandfather, who was a dead ringer for Groucho Marx, including a taste for puns, was probably looking on and laughing harder than anyone else.)

[shhrubbery!]

Geez, get over yourself. This isn't HIGH SCHOOL.

Really? Could've fooled me with that reply.

Here again we have another stellar, soundly reasoned response from someone who apparently prides herself on being FR's self-styled hit lady. I'm sure that persuaded a lot of people that you're right, Howlin.

Why bother? I'm not going to bother with you if you can't come up with better than that.

You're right, although in a backward way, that future lack of response to your hits...uh, posts...will "speak volumes."