Posted on 04/28/2005 12:48:39 PM PDT by Cat loving Texan
I Link, Therefore I am
by George Simpson, Monday, Apr 25, 2005 8:17 AM EST
A WEST NYACK, N.Y. MAN was found dead at his computer apparently the victim of trying to keep up with too many professional forums. Childress H. Wanamaker, 54, an account executive at a New York-based new media company, died of starvation according to the West Nyack coroner's office. Wanamaker's emaciated body was found by Loraine, his wife of 26 years, who told MediaPost she had been bringing her husband meals on plastic trays for weeks, but that he never took the time to eat them. "He was glued to his computer 24/7," she said tearfully. "He was so afraid he was going to miss an opportunity to contribute a comment or start a discussion, that he just stopped eating." She added that Wanamaker's last words were "OK Picard, stick that in your pipe and smoke it..."
Computer forensic specialists from SUNY at Cortland discovered that Wanamaker was subscribed to 48 different forums and networking communities including one apparently having to do with the elderly called "oldtimers" and another apparently limited to just 100 people. They also found that he posted a comment into one forum or another on an average of two per minute every hour of the day for the past seven weeks.
"He felt under terrible pressure to be part of the online community," said his son, Lucian, who says he tried several times to get his father's attention and lure him away from the computer. "The only time he even looked up was when I told him I had seen Dane Madsen trying to steal his car out of the driveway."
Police found what appeared to be an organization chart taped to the wall of Wanamaker's den with lines linking small photos of people unknown to the police including a Tom Hespos and an Adam Boettiger. Neither is considered a suspect in Wanamaker's death.
"Once, I thought I had him," said Lucian Wanamaker, "when I said that mom had made cookies, but half out of his chair, he just sat back down mumbling something about two Roman gods; I believe it was Jupiter and Atlas having some sort of titanic battle. 'Let them eat PIE,' he bellowed banging on his keyboard."
Computer forensic specialists reported that there was no order or continuity to Wanamaker's forum postings. "It looks like he just sort of randomly commented on whatever was in the discussion string at the time," said Stephen Hall, CUNY-Cortland adjunct professor of intemperate and impulsive behavior. "He let nothing go by unchallenged by his own point of view, nor failed to respond to any other community member asking for advice or a new job. This consumed not only 24 hours a day, but also, apparently, his physical health."
In what must be a record, Wanamaker was linked into to over 15,250 other community members, many of whom he exchanged notes with daily. He also contributed to 375 blogs and was expected to start an online column about the impact of interactive communications on health, when he died.
A virtual memorial service will be held online at a date to be determined.
Hrmpt,
Every good freeper knows you use your mouse with one hand while eating pretzels, nuts, pizza, Klondike bars etc, with the other.
The guy was a lightweight.
Sounds like a rabbit story.
I guess it was. So thats 2 losers that can't get up and move away from thier keyboards.
He must have been a troll and the mods Zotted him real good.
At 750 lbs ...he did not die of starvation
At 750 punds he'd feed a small village for 2 years.
Nyack is in Rockland county, on the Hudson River. Cortland is upstate, probably four hours away by car. If it wasn't satire, I think they'd have found some "forensic experts" a little closer by ;)
Now, death by blood cot has occurred especially with gamers.
Good satire.
I can't freep and chew gum at the same time.
Jeez...
I'm a moderator at about 5 forums, and post at about 5-10...LOL
At least he died a peaceful and serene death as all starvation victims do right?
That's not a story about kephra, kephra was 38 and lived with his mom because of a disability and died of DVT, unless I'm mistaken about the DVT.
scrapple-face worthy! :) LOL
Some of us have been known to surf porn while we freep. Amber, get your hand outa there!
You gotta get up and move around sometimes thats just insane.
I knew this stuff was addictive.
I LOVE the last line....classic.
"A virtual memorial service will be held online at a date to be determined."
On the link at the bottom of the story it says 'warning satire ahead'.
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