Labour Faithful Swoon To Bill Clinton (HURL!)

The Times ^ | April 25, 2005 | Ben Macintyre

[MisterRepublican]

OH, LUVVIE, I can’t tell you how marvellous it was; truly, darling, an unforgettable performance. There we were at the Old Vic Theatre — just twelve hundred of Labour’s closest friends — waiting for Tony and Gordon to do their matinee double act, when the whispered word went round the audience that the greatest political performer of our times would be making a cameo appearance — none other than old blue eyes, schmoozer in chief, the trouser president: Bill Clinton himself, via live satellite link.

The occasion was a rally — the biggest of the campaign so far — to mark World Poverty Day and held by the Make Poverty History coalition. Everybody who was anybody was there, le tout Labour: there was Dermot O’Leary, Big Brother presenter, and Alastair Campbell, Big Brother enforcer, and June Sarpong, the Channel 4 presenter. I couldn’t see Kevin Spacey, artistic director of the Old Vic, but I’m assured he was there. Tony (it was first name terms all day) was feeling so Thespian he took his tie off.

This was a play in three parts: a crowd-pleasing intro by Clinton, a gritty, moving performance on African poverty by Gordon Brown, and an extemporised finale by the Prime Minister. There was no doubt who stole the show; even via satellite from 4,000 miles away Bill Clinton could upstage Larry or Ralph or even Dame Judy Dench.

As his face appeared on the vast screen at the back of the stage, the audience began screaming and whistling and, in the case of some of the younger women, uttering that strangulated ululation usually reserved for rock stars. I haven’t heard such political ecstasy since Bill Clinton appeared at the Labour Party conference.

[frankiep]

Why don't they just make him a member of the royal family, maybe something like the Duke of Minehead or some such place, and confine him to Buckingham Palace so he won't bother us over here anymore.

[MisterRepublican]

He is thinner and greyer these days, but he has lost none of the old magic; but then, the truly great ones never lose it, do they, luvvie? ”Well, Hell-LO Mr President. Can you hear us?” trilled Ms Sarpong, in her best Marilyn Monroe. “We’re all sooooo excited.”

”I can hear you verrra well,” drawled Clint, with just a hint of a rouguish wink. “Ah’m a little outta practice at all this.”

“You could NEVER be out of practice,” emoted Ms Sarpong, so breathily that a lesser woman would have collapsed from hyperventilation. The screaming started again, but louder.

[MisterRepublican]

Tony Blair better hope that Clinton has a different effect on folks in Britain than he does here. He seems to be the kiss of death to American candidates.