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IT'S ONLY FUNNY UNTIL SOMEONE LOSES A PIE(Ann Coulter)
AnnCoulter.com ^ | April 13, 2005 | Ann Coulter

Posted on 04/13/2005 4:18:34 PM PDT by perfect stranger

Liberals enjoy claiming that they are intellectuals, thrilled to engage in a battle of wits. This, they believe, distinguishes them from conservatives, who are religious fanatics who react with impotent rage to opposing ideas. As one liberal, Jonathan Chait, put the cliche in The New Republic: Bush is an "instinctive anti-intellectual" and his administration hostile to "fact-driven debate." In a favorable contrast, Clinton is "the former Rhodes scholar who relished academic debates." Showing his usual reverence for fact-checking, The New York Times' Paul Krugman says the Republican Party is "dominated by people who believe truth should be determined by revelation, not research."

I'm not sure how these descriptions square with the fact that liberals keep responding to conservative ideas by throwing food. (Remember the good old days when liberals' "fact-driven" ideas only meant throwing money at their problems?)

Last October, two liberals responded to my speech at the University of Arizona — during question and answer, no less — by charging the stage and throwing two pies at me from a few yards away. Fortunately for me, liberals not only argue like liberals, they also throw like girls. (Apologies in advance to the Harvard biology professors who walked out on Larry Summers in a demonstration of their admiration of "research," not "revelation" — but this may account for the dearth of female pitchers in Major League Baseball.)

Unfortunately for them, Republican men don't react favorably to two "Deliverance" boys trying to sucker-punch a 110-pound female in a skirt and heels. The geniuses ended up with bloody noses and broken bones.

It's really outrageous how conservatives respond to liberals who are just trying to engage in a "fact-driven debate." How typical of Republicans to go on the offensive just because a female has been physically attacked. Instead of capturing and subduing my attackers, those strong Republican men should have been trying to understand why they threw the pies.

In the five months following the liberal ass-whupping in Arizona — I mean "fact-driven debate" — all was quiet on the Eastern Front. College liberals still couldn't formulate a coherent argument, but they seemed to want to avoid ending up in jail having to explain to their cellmates that they were in for trying to hit a girl (and missing).

Then on March 19, all charges were dismissed against the "Deliverance" boys — including a felony charge for $3,000 worth of damage to school property. Inexplicably, this outcome did not instantly lead to widespread rioting and looting in South Central Los Angeles.

Democrat Barbara LaWall is the Pima County attorney who allowed the liberal debate champions to walk. LaWall brags on her Web site about "holding criminals accountable." She didn't say anything about liberals, however. Be forewarned, conservatives: Do not expect the law to protect you in Pima County.

In the three weeks following the dismissal of all charges against my attackers, three more conservatives were attacked on college campuses.

On March 29, liberals' intellectual retort to a speech by William Kristol at Earlham College was to throw a pie. On March 31, liberals enjoyed the hurly-burly of political debate with Pat Buchanan at Western Michigan University by throwing salad dressing. On April 6, liberals engaged David Horowitz on his ideas at Butler University by throwing a pie at him.

If you close your eyes, it's almost like you're listening to Ludwig Wittgenstein!

If there had been that many attacks on Muslims in the weeks following the 9/11 attack, we'd still be watching Showtime specials about it. (In liberals' defense, this is what they must resort to when there are no student newspapers with conservative editorials to burn.)

At the risk of provoking one of those brainy liberals to throw more food, here's an idea: In order to reduce physical assaults on conservative speakers, maybe we should increase the price. But, to the contrary, when conservative speakers are physically attacked on college campuses, university administrators ignore the attacks, Democrat prosecutors somehow manage to get the charges dismissed, and Democrat flacks like Chait and Krugman pretend they missed the news that day.

What might work better is some form of disincentive to liberals who engage in violent behavior whenever they hear an idea they don't like but can't come up with words to dispute. The punishment doesn't have to be severe — just a small fraction of the wailing and healing that occurs every time there's a hoax "hate crime" on a college campus. (But which still serve a valuable function by calling attention to the issue of hate crimes.)

Last year, classes were canceled and demonstrations held at Claremont College after a white, Catholic visiting professor claimed her car had been vandalized with racist and anti-Semitic slurs. This — at the very moment she was giving a talk on intolerance!

It was just a little too ironic. The incident had all the exquisite timing of an "ABC After-School Special" about hate crimes. But as one student angrily told the Los Angeles Times, the suggestion that it was a hoax is "so sick. They are in denial. People don't want to accept that a well-educated, liberal community can have hate." Needless to say, the vandalism turned out to have been perpetrated by the professor herself.

Or maybe physical attacks on conservatives could merit a small slice of the rage and indignation directed at the display of racist symbols. Last year, a white student at a high school in Washington State was accused of taunting a black student with a noose. In response, the white student was immediately expelled from school. He was charged with a felony. There was a series of town-wide discussions. The U.S. Justice Department sent in mediators. And two more years were suddenly added to Whoopi Goldberg's career.

I think Kristol, Buchanan, Horowitz and I would be perfectly happy if college liberals merely brandished symbols at us. Speaking for myself, I would be unhappy if they didn't. But these Rhodes scholar geniuses with a taste for "fact-driven debate" can't even achieve the level of argument practiced by the average juvenile delinquent. They're still stuck at the intellectual level of 2-year-olds in high chairs throwing food.

COPYRIGHT 2005 ANN COULTER


TOPICS: Constitution/Conservatism; Culture/Society; Government; Miscellaneous; Political Humor/Cartoons; Politics/Elections
KEYWORDS: academicbias; academicviolence; anncoulter; buchanan; campusbias; collegebias; culturewars; girliemen; horowitz; kristol; lefties; liberals; pie; universitybias
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To: perfect stranger

Liberals are proud of their actions. The DUmmies are calling it a "revolution". Little do they know, most people don't put a pie in someone's face on par with Paul Revere's midnight ride. But don't tell them that. Just request your favorite pie next time, Ann. I'm sure you look even hotter in merringue.:)


21 posted on 04/13/2005 4:39:45 PM PDT by WinOne4TheGipper (What're you looking at?)
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To: Fiat volvntas tva

Ditto!!!


22 posted on 04/13/2005 4:40:21 PM PDT by Americanexpat (A strong democracy through citizen oversight.)
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To: anniegetyourgun

Beware of ladies with pistols ...


23 posted on 04/13/2005 4:41:06 PM PDT by John Lenin (It's not if it feels good ,do it, it's if it feels right , do it !)
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To: proud American in Canada

As a man who votes Republican, I'd have to agree with ya.


24 posted on 04/13/2005 4:42:38 PM PDT by jwalsh07
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To: CzarNicky
They don't need to be shot, just left with the need for dentures the rest of their lives.

It's pathetic that the level of discourse for the left has sunk to this level. It wasn't all that long ago that the debate between right and left was an intellectual, if often passionate, one.

You could debate all day and then share drinks in the evening.

Perhaps if you have no arguments to bring to a debate anymore, but merely obstructionism, then throwing food is the best you can do.

25 posted on 04/13/2005 4:43:28 PM PDT by Dog Gone
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To: mathluv

good.

thye sholud be persecuetd to the fulslt etxant fo hte law.


26 posted on 04/13/2005 4:44:21 PM PDT by ken21 (if you didn't see it on tv, then it didn't happen. /s)
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To: perfect stranger
110 pounds?

Ann, please order the following at 'In and Out' each Friday night for a year:

One milkshake
One Double-Double
One order of fries.

Love ya'!

27 posted on 04/13/2005 4:44:24 PM PDT by BenLurkin (O beautiful for patriot dream - that sees beyond the years)
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To: WinOne4TheGipper

They better be careful what they ask for -- they just might get it.


28 posted on 04/13/2005 4:45:44 PM PDT by BenLurkin (O beautiful for patriot dream - that sees beyond the years)
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To: perfect stranger

Yeah, those two losers really look like they have bright futures ahead of them. I know we aren't supposed to sink to the level of the opposition, but it's usually fun to do so -- wonder how they would like it if campus Conservatives started tossing food at the far more numerous liberal targets? I think Helen Thomas would be perfectly highlighted with some Beef Wellington dripping off of that schnozz. And they could always say it was revenge for Ann and Horowitz and Buchanan.


29 posted on 04/13/2005 4:47:53 PM PDT by speedy
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To: jwalsh07

"…though liberals do a great deal of talking about hearing other points of view, it sometimes shocks them to learn that there are other points of view."
--William F. Buckley, National Review, Jan 11, 1956.


30 posted on 04/13/2005 4:48:49 PM PDT by BenLurkin (O beautiful for patriot dream - that sees beyond the years)
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To: jwalsh07
As a man who votes Republican, I'd have to agree with ya.

I'm going to take this the way I know you intended it,...

(i.e., emphasis on the adjective "Republican," not on "man," LOL

Take care, jw...and good night. :)

31 posted on 04/13/2005 4:51:45 PM PDT by proud American in Canada
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To: CzarNicky
That was probably "a lousy FReeper troll".
Liberals are intellectually unable to process coherent thoughts about possible negative consequences for their inane actions.
32 posted on 04/13/2005 4:52:17 PM PDT by sarasmom
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To: BenLurkin

And a slice of pie.


33 posted on 04/13/2005 4:53:09 PM PDT by mhx
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To: proud American in Canada

p.s., sorry guys, I am trying to improve my html skills. I have been going to the sandbox. But I know I have spacing mistakes, etc.

'night all...


34 posted on 04/13/2005 4:53:10 PM PDT by proud American in Canada
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To: perfect stranger

I think Ann should keep a pie in the podium and if it
happens again, nail the thrower.
Show them the same respect...


35 posted on 04/13/2005 4:53:23 PM PDT by tet68 ( " We would not die in that man's company, that fears his fellowship to die with us...." Henry V.)
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To: speedy

"Yeah, those two losers really look like they have bright futures ahead of them."

They'll probably wind up as tenured professors.


36 posted on 04/13/2005 4:54:09 PM PDT by dljordan
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To: WinOne4TheGipper

On a related note, Ann made Time Magazine's Top 100 of the world's most influential people list. We all know you can't take a bad photo of Ann. Which might explain why Time used an illustrated rendering of her image. It was unflattering, to say the least.

Ann, I need to find a nice conservative girl just like you. Be assured I'll kick the crap out out of any turtle-necked, Kumbaya-singing liberal who dares to throw a pie your way.


37 posted on 04/13/2005 4:54:23 PM PDT by mwfsu84
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To: dljordan

Yeah, that's how a lot of losers wind up. It's a pity, isn't it?


38 posted on 04/13/2005 4:55:33 PM PDT by speedy
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To: speedy

I wouldn't want to insult the Beef Wellington.


39 posted on 04/13/2005 4:56:40 PM PDT by perfect stranger
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To: perfect stranger
"Unfortunately for them, Republican men don't react favorably to two "Deliverance" boys trying to sucker-punch a 110-pound female in a skirt and heels. The geniuses ended up with bloody noses and broken bones."

I am soooo glad to hear this was the immediate outcome.
I would suggest that in the future all Conservatives ,like Ms. Coluter here ,that are speakers at college campuses are attended by at least two bodyguards armed with full auto paintball carbines . There is nothing wrong with responding in kind.
40 posted on 04/13/2005 4:56:57 PM PDT by injin
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