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The Appropriated Press
By Gull E. Bull
April 11, 2005
Updated: 11:18 p.m. ET
United Nations Secretary-General Kofi Annan, in a surprise news conference this evening, announced the appointment of former U.S. Senator John F. Kerry, (D) from Massachusetts, who also ran unsuccessfully for the Presidency in 2004, as Special Envoy of the United Nations to France.
Kerry will be responsible for assisting Jean-Noel Jeanneney, the president of the French National Library, who apparently is in a “twuite,” over Google’s plan to scan 15 million English-language books and make them available as digital files on the Web.
Confidential sources, added that Kerry was negotiating with former Vice President Al Gore to head up his team of Web Specialist, based upon Gore’s extensive knowledge and experience, including having invented the Internet.
Anan added that Kerry is perfectly suited to help the French National Library, based upon his French language skills, his ability to do and say almost anything, before he did or said it and thereafter, deny that he said or did what he did or said (a custom long ago adopted by the French) as well as his oratorical skills, which only the French can truly appreciate and comprehend, not to mention, Kerry’s history in supporting all Nations being forced withdraw from Vietnam, including France, after Dien Bien Phu.
Speculation that this sudden move and resignation earlier this evening by Kerry, was due to his concern over possible legal repercussions as a result of his having divulged the identity of an Intelligent Agent, during confirmation hearings for Robert Bolton, earlier in the day, as well as France’s lax extradition laws, were denied by a Kerry aide.
“That’s ridiculous and a scurrilous attack, no doubt mounted by Tom Delay and members of the vast right-wing,” said the aide. Adding, “even if there were any truth to this innuendo, Kerry would still have nothing to worry about.” The aide, reminded this reporter, that Kerry had escaped the possibility of consequences in the past when he traveled to Paris several times in the early 70’s and met (as a private citizen and member of the Naval Reserves) with representatives of North Vietnam and the Viet Cong.
Kerry, the aide said, merely had to show “precedent” in that others had done the same before him, thereby forestalling any possible exposure to prosecution for treason.
Likewise, the aid added, all Kerry would have to do in this instance, is show, once again, precedent for this type of behavior in the Senate, using Senator Patrick Leahy’s disclosure of top-secret communications in 1985, even though it led to the death of an Egyptian operative, as well as more recently, whereby Senator Richard Shelby, leaked that we were tapping Osama bin Laden’s satellite phone.
Lani Davis, the Democrat’s spokesperson-in-perpetuity, who is affiliated with the prestigious Washington, D.C., firm, of Dewey, Screwem & How, was quick to agree.
Davis, observed, that a recent U.S. Supreme Court decision (US v DU) upheld the long-standing dictum of “Stari Deceivious.” Moreover, Davis remarked, the Court also set precedent in its ruling which, henceforth, holds “any and all Democrats, Liberals, Leftists, and/or associates, immune, from any responsibility or action there from, either civilly or criminally, so long as said conduct can be shown to have been committed against one who is a known Republican, Conservative, or any member/associate of The Vast Right-Wing.”
In its 5-4 ruling, writing for the majority, Justice Anthony Kennedy defended his having used recently discovered documents from King Arthur’s’ Court in reaching his decision.
Concurring, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg, admitted that the Amicus Briefs filed by Cuba, North Korea, the People’s Republic of China, as well as Florida, California, Massachusetts and Vermont, were beneficial, in reminding The Court how these authorities, were predisposed to dispense justice. Moreover the briefs also suggested (and which Gisnberg believed the majority were bound to consider in reaching a decision) the import of the ‘prevailing standards’ of the 100,000 Yak Herders and 50,000 Nomadic Tribesmen in Tibet and The Himalayas.
A Kerry spokesperson, said Kerry would hold a news conference at the U N at noon on Tuesday. She added, that the question and answer session will be in French, with Kerry’s wife, Ter-ay-zah, Heinz-Kerry, acting as interpreter.
Rumors, which suggested Heinz- Kerry was not happy with her husband’s decision, were put to rest during a telephonic interview earlier this evening.
Heinz-Kerry said that she was “thrilled to have an opportunity to live in France for a change,” adding, that, “the French are so sophisticated and have a lot more class, than the majority of Americans, especially, those 51% clueless, morons, who voted for Bush.”
Heinz-Kerry, who was interviewed while traveling on her $35 million Gulfstream V private jet, after having vacationed for 2 weeks in the Mediterranean Gulf aboard their $1 million, 42-foot Hinckley Powerboat, The Scaramouche, in transit to their $6.9 million town house on Beacon Hill, in Boston as well as quick stop at their $9.1 million waterfront house on Nantucket Island, before continuing on to New York, quoted Jane Fonda, in her being surprised as well, as to why John Kerry lost the election.
Heinz-Kerry, reiterated her past accusations that is was a “neocon/religious-zealot/right –wing-ideologue conspiracy, which falsely depicted herself and her husband as being ‘out of touch’ with Mainstream America.” Adding, “We are not much different then most other people and I am mystified as to why we are perceived as being any different.”
Breaking…….
Related Story:
French Librarian Fears US Domination on the Internet
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1381863/posts
