Freeper Canteen: Tell me your favorite joke! Come join us. April 12,2005

Canteen funny guys

[CelticLass]

I must say...I have been laughing for the past hour. Tis a grand thread.

Another joke:

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand, pulling a male buffalo with the other and says to the waiter, "Want coffee." The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up." He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. After drinking the coffee down in one gulp, the Indian turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, then just walks out. The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Want coffee." The waiter says, "Whoa, chief! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What the heck was all that about, anyway?" The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Training for upper management position. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day."

[muir_redwoods]

Did you hear the one about a man who had a dog with no legs and everyday he took him out for a scrape?

[rlmorel]

Well thanks, Kathy in Alaska-this is an awfully nice crowd in here-A nice respite online from the sometimes impersonal rush of the everyday world!

[E.G.C.]

((HUGS))Good morning, CelticLass. How's it going?

And a very pleasant good morning to everyone at the Canteen and to all our military at home and abroad. Thanks for your contuined service to our country.

[E.G.C.]

((LOL))

[E.G.C.]

BTT!!!!!

[E.G.C.]

Good Tuesday morning, Tonk. How's it going?

[E.G.C.]

BTTT!!!!!!

[radu]

Good morning, CelticLass.

I'm sittin' here freakin' out over The Pastor's Cat. OMG! Don't ya know that poor lil critter was "tetched in the head" for the rest of its life? ROTFL!!

[CelticLass]

Tis another grand mornin! A bit chilly but I'll take it since it was given me.

How was your weekend and how is your morning going? Hugs!

[radu]

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

I hope Tomkow doesn't see this one! LOL

*giggle*.....I was thinking along the same lines as I posted it.

[CelticLass]

hahahahaha "tetched in the head"...I like that. LOL

I know many are finding their way into the canteen today, for all the great laughs.

I hope your morning is going well. Hugs!

[CelticLass]

Another joke:

The Letter ------------------------- A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Dad, It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice - even with all her piercing, tattoos, and her tight Motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion dad, she's pregnant, and Joan said that we will be very happy. Even though you don't care for her as she is so much older than I, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. She wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Joan taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with her friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!! Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren. Your son, John

PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

[mylife]

Oh! this thread is Greeeat!

Thanks for the joke to use in the office this morning!

[radu]

This is definitely gonna be a thread full of laughs. If we listen closely, maybe we'll be able to hear the troops yukking it up through cyberspace.

I won't see much of the morning.....it's bedtime for this lil vampire. LOL! Nothing pressing to do today so I've been playing around on the computer all night, learning a few new things. One day, I might actually know what I'm doing. ROTFL!

It's nice to get a chance to "see" you in real time for a change, even though it's brief. I hope you have a fabulous day!
*Hugz*

[mylife]

Great Thread Betsy!

[CelticLass]

Something to brighten your day! I love the one about the bomb technician and the one about the M203 grenade launcher! Some old, some new, but all are good.

Simple yet eloquent statements:

"AIM TOWARDS THE ENEMY." -Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

"WHEN THE PIN IS PULLED, MR. GRENADE IS NOT OUR FRIEND." -US Marine Corps

"CLUSTER BOMBING FROM B-52s IS VERY, VERY ACCURATE. THE BOMBS ARE GUARANTEED TO ALWAYS HIT THE GROUND." -U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

"IF THE ENEMY IS IN RANGE, SO ARE YOU." -Infantry Journal

"A SLIPPING GEAR COULD LET YOUR M203 GRENADE LAUNCHER FIRE WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT. THAT WOULD MAKE YOU QUITE UNPOPULAR IN WHAT'S LEFT OF YOUR UNIT." -Army's magazine of prevention maintenance

"IT IS GENERALLY INADVISABLE TO EJECT DIRECTLY OVER THE AREA YOU JUST BOMBED." -US. Air Force manual

"TRY TO LOOK UNIMPORTANT; THE ENEMY MAY BE LOW ON AMMO." -Infantry Journal

"TRACERS WORK BOTH WAYS." -U.S. Army Ordnance

"FIVE-SECOND FUSES ONLY LAST THREE SECONDS." -Infantry Journal

"BRAVERY IS BEING THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS YOU'RE AFRAID." -David Hackworth

"IF YOUR ATTACK IS GOING TOO WELL, YOU'RE WALKING INTO AN AMBUSH." -Infantry Journal

"NO COMBAT-READY UNIT HAS EVER PASSED INSPECTION." -Joe Gay

"ANY SHIP CAN BE A MINESWEEPER....ONCE." -Anon

"NEVER TELL THE PLATOON SERGEANT YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO." -Unknown Marine Recruit

"DON'T DRAW FIRE; IT IRRITATES THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU." -Infantry Journal

"IF YOU SEE A BOMB TECHNICIAN RUNNING, TRY TO KEEP UP WITH HIM." -U.S.A.F. AmmoTroup

[mylife]

Did you hear the one about a man who had a dog with no legs and everyday he took him out for a scrape?

NO.. But I have a friend that has a dog with no nose.

I asked him..."how does your dog smell?"

he replied 'awful!'

[CelticLass]

Thanks for the ping!

It is a grand thread, and many are doing as you and I are. Laughing and snagging jokes to share with others. LOL Hugs!

[tomkow6]

 

SALUTE!