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A biker stops by the Harley Shop to have his bike fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and he would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He stopped by the feed store/livestock dealer and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, he now had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home.

The owner said, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?" "Hey, thanks!" the biker said, and out the door he went.

But in the parking lot he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?" The biker replied, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time." The little old lady looked him over cautiously, then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?"

The biker said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"

The lady said, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."

Ways To Piss Off A Cop

When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?"
When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to race.
When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf.
If he asks if you knew how fast you were going, say no, my speedometer only goes to......
Touch him.
When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you were rushing home because you realized you forgot your helmet. (Particularly good in those Helmet Law states!)
Ask him where he bought his cool hat.
Refer to him by his first name.
Pretend you are gay and ask him out.
When he says no, cry.
If he says yes, accuse him of sexual harassment.
If the cop is a woman, tell her how ugly she is, but in a nice way.
If he asks you to step off the bike, automatically throw yourself onto his hood.
When he asks you to spread them, tell him you don't go that way.
When he puts the handcuffs on, say "Usually my dates buy me dinner first"
Ask to be fingerprinted with candy, cause you don't like ink on your fingers.
After you sign the ticket and give it to him, say "Oops! That's the wrong name."
Bribe him with donuts.
When he comes up your bike, say "License and registration, please" right when he says it.
When he goes to read you your rights, sing "La La La, I can't hear you!"
Trip and fall into him.
Accuse him of police brutality when he pushes you away.
Before you sign the ticket, pick your nose. You have to sign with his pen.
Chew on the pen, nervously.
Clean your ear with the pen.
If it's a click pen, take it apart and play with the spring.
Ask if he has a daughter. If he says yes, say I thought the name sounded familiar.....
Ask him if he ever worked in a prison. If he says yes, ask him how the plumbing was.
Act like you are retarded.
When he's telling you what you did wrong, start repeating him, quietly.
Or mumble to yourself.
When he tells you to stop, say what are you talkin' about man?
Drive to Dunkin Donuts and say hmmm....only 5 of you here tonight.......
Ask if they know how to make the donuts.
When he comes up to your bike, say I have a badge just like yours!
Ask if he watches Cops.
Ask if ever watched Cop Rock.
Giggle if he did.
Talk to your hand.
Ask if he knows someone named Rosy Palm and her Five Favorite Friends.
Accuse him of Sexual Harassment if he does.
When he frisks you, say You missed a spot, and grin.
When he asks to inspect your bike, say there is no alcohol on my bike, sir, the last cop got it.
Try to sell him your bike.
Ask if you can buy his car.
If he takes you to the station, Ask to sit in front.
Play with the siren.