This is a subject I am very conflicted about. My ex-husband was physically and mentally abusive, as well as unfaithful. I only asked for a divorce after I begged and pleaded with him to stop seeing the last woman he was seeing and had to ask him to move out. (He was treating our house like a rest-stop while he spent the nights with her.) Darn-right I get child support, and not nearly as much as I should because they based his annual pay on a couple of paystubs instead of his end-of year amounts (he makes more different times of year.) In addition, we have a disabled child. I get really ticked off when he tells me how victimized he is by the system and me.
On the other hand, I have seen women treat guys like crap and get divorced for the frivolous reasons mentioned. I also have seen guys who make not even half what my ex makes pay almost as much in child support for one child as he pays for two. It frustrates me and makes me mad that there is such inequity in the system.
The bottom-line is that there are bad apples on both sides, and it's not fair to swing the pendulum too far in either direction. I also heartily support the end of no-fault divorces. My divorce cost me almost 10K for my lawyer and took two years- as a "no fault." I don't think no-fault simplifies anything and it penalizes the innocent parties whether they be male or female.
I think you make some excellent points, and I agree there are good and bad stories on either side. I think generally, men probably do get the short end of the stick on custody and child support issues. If I'm not mistaken, statistically, men who actively litigate custody tend to do well, however. One possible reason, though, is that a man would have to have an "extra super" case to litigate (to feel he has a chance to overcome embedded bias in the courts). On the other hand, contrary to what I've sometimes read here, I don't see a lot of women suddenly becoming wealthy through divorce and, frankly, not every man is a victim, any more than every woman is. It seems to me the biggest problem is the lack of accountability for child support by the recipient. I suspect a lot of parents would not be as opposed to paying child support if they could be assured it was truly going to better the standard of living for their child, rather than their ex.
I would, though, caution people about the statistic of who "initiates" divorce (husband or wife). I suspect that it is based on a basic tally of who filed the divorce action, and I don't think that is a fair assessment. For instance, in your case, when your husband was abusive and unfaithful, if you filed for divorce, is it fair to say that you "sought" the divorce? I'd say the party at fault is at least as much the one "seeking" the end of the marriage in such a case. Or, in a no fault divorce, it may just depend on who gets around to filing first. I just don't put much stock in that statistic.