Posted on 03/26/2005 5:00:38 PM PST by paltz
SANTA ANA, Calif. - (KRT) - Mike Salta had no idea he was so cutting-edge.
His only child, Jonathan, was turning 13 on July 12. So just about two months before the big birthday, Salta turned to his wife and said, "He's becoming a teenager. Let's give him a special one."
And with that, Salta became one of the growing legion of parents throwing elaborate parties for their children's 13th birthdays. It's a celebration that has become known as the faux mitzvah - "faux" because the feted child isn't Jewish.
The event is a takeoff on the Jewish tradition of the bar mitzvah (for boys) or bat mitzvah (for girls), a sacred rite of passage that marks a child's entry into adulthood and the larger Jewish community. Only, the non-Jewish kids get the party without the religious significance.
That faux mitzvahs are becoming a hot trend among just-teens isn't surprising. Being Jewish - or just sporting Judaica - is suddenly becoming hip.
"Jews have become part of the American scene, so it should not be a surprise that we influence the culture in which we live," said Rabbi Marc Dworkin, executive director of the Orange County Chapter of the American Jewish Committee.
Faux mitzvahs haven't exactly taken Orange County, Calif., by storm - yet. An informal survey of the major hotels in Orange County revealed the trend hasn't quite blossomed here. Cynthia Dolbee, catering manager at the Montage Resort & Spa in Laguna Beach, Calif., where the Saltas had their party, said she's received half a dozen calls in the past two months from parents who are planning such events.
They are huge on the East Coast and are not uncommon in Los Angeles and other big cities with large Jewish populations. Parents are dropping eye-popping amounts - $40,000-$50,000 - on these coming-of-age parties for their kids, which are themed and often include attractions such as magicians, fog machines, sushi bars and, of course, DJs.
"My first exclamation is, Oy! Only in America!" says Rabbi Arnold Rachlis of Irvine's University Synagogue. "Why would people of other religious or ethnic groups want to copy something so uniquely Jewish? There is some pleasure I get out of it, that in this pluralistic society, it's a sign of tolerance and mutual respect that religions borrow from each other."
Jonathan Salta attended six weekly counseling sessions with five of his friends where they could learn and freely talk about physical and emotional changes as they enter adolescence.
Jonathan said he's been to five or six bar and bat mitzvahs, but he'd never heard the term faux mitzvah.
"I didn't think about it as being like a bar mitzvah party," Jonathan said. "It was more that now I'm turning into a teenager, so why not have a party?"
Why not, indeed? He had a beach theme, with a rock 'n' roll band. The setup was fairly tame compared with what's happening in other parts of the country.
Casey Schreiber, 13, of Laguna Niguel, Calif., said her non-Jewish friends had so much fun at her bat mitzvah in March that they wanted them, too.
Schreiber wasn't enthused by the idea.
"They really don't understand the whole point of having a bat mitzvah," Schreiber said. "If they're just going to have parties, it wouldn't be special for people who are actually Jewish. It's like stealing what we have. Having a bat mitzvah is one thing that stands out to the public as being unique, so we wouldn't have that.
"We become responsible adults in Jewish community. We have expectations we have to live up to, to be responsible and give to the world and stuff."
Dworkin is all for celebrating the passage of one phase of life to another. But calling such an event a faux mitzvah is inappropriate, he said.
"To throw a label on a party is not enough to give a child change and commitment, to give them the sense of being part of or belonging to something larger," Dworkin said. "It should have a much deeper cultural, religious meaning, or it's just another party."
Hip is not a word often associated with Jews, historically portrayed in film and on television as nebbish, as a brainy brand of social misfit.
But now, Judaica is everywhere. Consider that one of the biggest pop-cultural icons of our time is Esther - or, should we say, the artist formerly known as Madonna. She of the enormous crosses as fashion accessory is now wearing the thin red bracelet known as a bendel. It is said to protect the wearer from the evil eye in the mystical branch of Judaism known as Kabbalah, which Esther is said to practice.
She's not alone in her fashion statements, as other high-profile celebs such as Britney Spears and Demi Moore also have been spotted wearing the jewelry. Did we mention none of these women are, in fact, Jewish?
"I'm not bothered by non-Jews, whether they're celebrities or not, being interested in Judaism," Rachlis said. "That's healthy. Judaism is seen by those who perhaps don't have a religious affiliation or have rejected their own; they see Judaism as a viable option, the same way they found Eastern religion 20 years ago."
Many people seem attracted to Judaism - or to the fashion, anyway - simply because it's trendy. Online shops have popped up all over in the past year. Sara Schwimmer started Brooklyn-based Chosencouture.com in March. Her store sells items such as the bendel bracelets, T-shirts, even tote bags.
All have either Jewish words on them or identify the wearer as Jewish. Check out the Jews for Jeter T-shirts for fans of New York Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter (not Jewish).
"Myself and others are challenging the traditional perception of Jews," Schwimmer said. "I wanted to create a business that emphasized the fun and festive side of Judaism. I believe that these items are so popular because they are just so humorous and kitschy and show the lighter side of Judaism. And they appeal to both secular and religious Jews alike. I think their popularity attests to Jews' newfound sense of pride and self-acceptance.
"In many ways, Judaism has become trendy because of celebrities like Madonna and others who are studying Kabbalah. I think when someone else deems you to be cool, you're more likely to believe it. I'm sure they are attracted to the religion because it seems exotic to them, whereas Christmas trees might be appealing to us because we can't have them."
One of her featured vendors is Rabbi's Daughters, a Los Angeles-based online shop started by, of course, three daughters of a rabbi. They sell T-shirts and jewelry with Yiddish words or phrases on them.
"There has become a very strong trend in Jewish fashion and Jewish awareness," the youngest sister, Daniella Jax, said. "I think it's wonderful. A lot of people are paying more attention to our heritage and tradition. We wanted to bring Yiddish into the mainstream since it's such a fun, wonderful language."
Who hasn't uttered an "oy vey" or schlepped something around, or even become a little verklempt, a phrase made popular by then - "Saturday Night Live" star Mike Myers during his immensely popular Coffee Talk segment - without knowing those words were Yiddish?
It's not just live from New York. Hollywood is also getting into the action. Look no farther than our own back yard, where prime-time drama "The O.C." features a family led by the Jewish Sandy Cohen, his WASP wife Kirsten, and their son, Seth.
We watched as the family had Christmakkah, a blend of Christmas and Hanukkah, and when they had the traditional Passover dinner known as a seder.
There was also Charlotte's conversion to Judaism on "Sex and the City."
Perhaps part of the reason Judaism and Judaica are becoming more mainstream is in part due to the intermixing of cultures; 47 percent of Jews who married between 1996 and 2001 married a non-Jewish partner, according to the National Jewish Population Survey.
"I think it's healthy when it (Judaism) becomes part of general culture," Dworkin said. "The American culture was an amalgamation of a variety of cultures and religions, and it's important for every immigrant group, every new culture to this country, to become part of greater society and that it helps it grow and nourishes it. It's a unique experience in the world. We relish our diversity at the same time as we acculturate different styles and thought. Which makes us strong.
"It really has been gaining the best from different cultures and groups."
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© 2004, The Orange County Register (Santa Ana, Calif.).
Visit the Register on the World Wide Web at http://www.ocregister.com
Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Information Services.
http://www.jewishaz.com/jewishnews/041112/faux.shtml
Shallow wannabees?
Well, according the Supreme Court, 13-year olds (and 14s and 15s, etc.) are still children. Nowhere near enough conservative justices, methinks.
The year my daughter attended her friends' bar and bat mitzvahs was also the year she got confirmed, (we're Anglican). After one particularly elaborate bat mitzvah weekend, she asked what she would be getting for confirmation. The reply....a crucifix and a prayerbook.
$40,000-60,000 for a party for a 13 year old?!?!? Give me a break!
I guess I can say Mazel Tov. But they should really have to lead a service and read the Torah portion in order to have the party. (Believe me, they will appreciate it more than just having it given to them.)
Have them and all their friends gather around a lamppost in the evening and chant a chapter of the Bible in unison. For some weird reason I have thought that would be cool.
OY
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