"If you need a job, I understand, I wish I could help you, but I don't know what to tell you. Obviously your humanist outlook is failing you. But I will not preach."
That's ok - I got this sweet Hobbit Creationism thing cooking. And I am raising chinchillas, only I am not sure I got a male and a female - don't know how to check, they're so furry.
Good luck on the coats. I have a mayonaise crop.