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The 10 greatest rock'n'roll myths
observer ^ | 2/22/05 | Graeme Thomson

Posted on 02/22/2005 9:53:02 PM PST by freedom44

1: 'Mama' Cass choking on a sandwich When 'Mama' Cass Elliot died in her London flat in 1974 at the age of 32, a hasty postmortem suggested she had choked on her own vomit while chomping a sandwich in bed. At 5' 5" and 240 pounds, it was easy to believe that - like a female version of Monty Python's Mr Creosote - Elliot had simply gambled on one mouthful too many. Not so. The coroner's report after her death concluded that Cass died of massive heart failure, brought on by obesity and the strains of crash dieting. Though a sandwich may well have been found at her bedside, the autopsy revealed no evidence of food in her trachea. Tragically, it appears she died peckish.

2: Marilyn Manson starring in 'The Wonder Years' This fuels every parent's fear that the most innocuous geek-child can go stone bad. Did the young Brian Warner (aka Mr Manson) play Paul Pfeiffer, goofy pal of Kevin Arnold, in the schmaltzy rites-of passage TV show? 'It's kind of irrelevant whether these rumours are true or not,' quoth Manson. Well actually, Marilyn, it's not irrelevant to Josh Saviano, who really did play Paul Pfeiffer.

3: The Beatles' spliff in Buckingham Palace Sometime after our four young heroes bounced into the Palace in October 1965 to receive their MBEs, John Lennon claimed they'd shared a toke in the loos. Not the most reliable witness - he once claimed he wrote 'Eleanor Rigby' - Lennon later 'fessed up, admitting 'we'd have been far too scared to do it'. McCartney, meanwhile, remembers simply having a 'sly ciggie' with the chaps to calm nerves.

4: Keef's blood transfusion Keen to clean up for a European tour, Richards reportedly replaced his poisoned old claret with an infusion of healthy blood in a Swiss clinic in September 1973. In reality, it was probably only haemodialysis, which filters impurities from the bloodstream. 'Someone asked me how I cleaned up, so I said I had my blood completely changed,' Richards said. 'I was fucking sick of answering that question, so I gave them a story.'

5: Stevie Nicks having cocaine blown up her bum It's tempting to believe Fleetwood Mac's queen bee followed her addiction to such deliciously depraved depths - but sadly, untrue. 'That's absurd,' said Nicks in 2001. 'Maybe it came about because people knew I had such a big hole in my nose. Let's put a belt through my nose, because that's how big the hole is.' So she just talks through her arse, then. Maybe.

6: Robert Johnson's pact with the devil Famously, Johnson sold his soul to the devil in order to play guitar like a demon. You want prima facie evidence? How about 'Me and the Devil Blues', and the fact that young Robert was a poor guitarist whose improvement was remarkable. Actually, he used that little known voodoo technique 'practice', and was tutored by a bluesman called Ike Zimmerman. Not Satan.

7: Jacko and the elephant man Reports surfaced in 1987 that Wacko had offered $50,000 for the remains of the Victorian patient Joseph Merrick, aka the Elephant Man. The offer may have been genuine, but Jackson doesn't own the bones. Merrick's organs were destroyed in an air raid on the Royal London Hospital during the Second World War. Casts of his head, an arm and a foot survived, but were not up for sale.

8: Sid checks in at Heathrow Punk romantics believe that Sid's mum scattered his ashes over Nancy's grave in Philadelphia. It's more likely that Ma Vicious arrived back at Heathrow with his remains. Malcolm McLaren claims she knocked them over in the arrivals lounge; hence the fanciful myth that Sid's essence still circulates, wafting through the air vents and moving among the travellers.

9: Richey Edwards lives Ten years on, Richey's disappearance remains imbued with a Lucan-like mythology by those who love a good mystery. Given the extent of his problems - self-harm, alcoholism, anorexia - and the fact that numerous sightings have amounted to nothing, it's safe to assume he's probably no longer alive, sadly. But don't expect the rumours to evaporate.

10: Led Zep and the mud shark 'A pretty young groupie with red hair was tied to the bed,' claimed Stephen Davis in Hammer of the Gods. 'Led Zeppelin proceeded to stuff pieces of shark into her vagina and rectum.' Not quite. Zep did catch sharks from the window of their hotel, but the pesce in question was actually a red snapper, while the perpetrator was road manager Richard Cole.

Making the law - Graeme Thomson justifies his selection of rock mythologies

Sex, death, drugs, sharks, TV, elephants and the devil himself. Nothing sums up the ridiculous circus of rock'n'roll better than the mythology that both nourishes and devours it, vividly illustrating the impossible feats of self destruction and degradation we would have our 'rock gods' vicariously act out on our behalf.

The fact that Bill Wyman is an authority on the thorny questions of mechanical royalties and overseas tax shelters is all well and good but really, we just want to believe that Keef is a vampire. We might grudgingly acknowledge that Ringo Starr made a decent fist of narrating Thomas the Tank Engine, but it doesn't compete with John Lennon (metaphorically) blowing reefer smoke in the Queen's face. As John Ford once said: 'When the legend becomes fact, print the legend.'

In the end, I omitted the Adam and Eve of all rock'n'roll myths: that Paul McCartney died in a car crash in 1966 and has subsequently been played by an impersonator, who was originally employed by The Beatles.

Why did I leave it out? For one, it would take a degree in Beatleology to adequately comprehend the various bewildering permutations; and anyway, it might just be true. Those listening to the bulk of McCartney's output from 1967 onwards (and yes, let's include the pretty tedious Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band in that time-frame, as long as we can exclude 'Maybe I'm Amazed') could be forgiven for entertaining a little confusion on the matter.

Similarly, the tale of Marianne Faithfull and the Mars Bar is so well worn as to be practically dull. I think you'll find Led Zeppelin, or their road manager at least, had a slightly more lewdly imaginative take on that particular format. Or did he?


TOPICS: Culture/Society; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: music; myth; rockandroll; rodgetsabellypump; rumours; toomuchgoo; urbanlegends; whataboutrod
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To: freedom44

It's like it's written with English words and Roman letters, yet it's not English! God, that commonwealth English is hard to understand!


21 posted on 02/22/2005 10:35:51 PM PST by TypeZoNegative (Isn't it ironic that the spleen, most useless organ in our body is also on the left side of our body)
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To: Graybeard58
Here's another one - Jimmy Hendricks was the best guitarist ever.

Now you had to go and do that.

I was just enjoying Jimi: The BBC Sessions today. Damn that is good stuff.

22 posted on 02/22/2005 10:36:47 PM PST by TheOtherOne
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To: RightWingAtheist

you guys have to be quicker with these pings... 2 articles tonight already I've had to pick up the slack on, and it's like, 3 hours past my bedtime here in the East!

*grin*

(of course I'm the slacker for not posting the articles in the first place...)


23 posted on 02/22/2005 10:37:26 PM PST by t_skoz ("let me be who I am - let me kick out the jams!")
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To: freedom44
Not the most reliable witness - he once claimed he wrote 'Eleanor Rigby'

No he didn't. Even so, Lennon certainly did write some of the song. For example, Lennon came up with a line about "Father McCartney", but Paul got the creeps and changed it to "Father McKenzie". The bulk of the Beatles earlier stuff was genuinely written by both Lennon and McCartney. At least, each usually made some contribution to the other's efforts.

24 posted on 02/22/2005 10:45:26 PM PST by Lancey Howard
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To: freedom44
5: Stevie Nicks having cocaine blown up her bum

Don't think I'd ever heard about that one before.

"...Just like a white wing dove
"Sings a song, sounds like she's singin'
"[Poot!], [Poott!!], said [fffffffttt!!!]"

25 posted on 02/22/2005 10:47:09 PM PST by RichInOC (...oops, did I sing that out loud?)
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To: freedom44

They pumped out a quart of what out out of Rod Stewart's stomach?


26 posted on 02/22/2005 10:49:11 PM PST by oyez (¡Qué viva la revolución de Reagan!)
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To: Graybeard58

out of curiousity, who is your pick?


27 posted on 02/22/2005 10:52:33 PM PST by Quixotical (Private Pyle is that a Jelly Doughnut)
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To: freedom44
Richey Edwards lives Ten years on, Richey's disappearance remains imbued with a Lucan-like mythology

Who's Richey Edwards. And what does "Lucan-like" mean? Who or what is Lucan.

And Robert Johnson had nothing to do with rock and roll having died in the 1930's.

English people can be weird.

28 posted on 02/22/2005 10:52:53 PM PST by tallhappy (Juntos Podemos!)
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To: freedom44
Although he mentioned one of them, it was silly to leave the two biggest myths off his list, that Paul is dead and Elvis isn't. There are a couple of web sites that go into the Paul is dead story, and if you read one for a little while, you'll start going "dang, maybe he IS dead."
29 posted on 02/22/2005 11:04:21 PM PST by Richard Kimball (It was a joke. You know, humor. Like the funny kind. Only different.)
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To: HHFi
YES, in a Roundabout fashion, I suppose you have.
30 posted on 02/22/2005 11:06:28 PM PST by bd476
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To: Quixotical

Check out this maniac.

www.spasticink.com

Ron's a friend of mine. I played with his brother Bobby for years off and on.

Go to videos. Classic cartoons scored with heavy metal, and other stuff. Very unique and you will certainly appreciate his virtiousity.


31 posted on 02/22/2005 11:06:46 PM PST by planekT
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To: Charles Henrickson
.daed si luaP

If you play Sgt. Pepper backwards and at a slow speed, you can hear Paul's voice saying "You bloody idiot. You're playing this record backwards and at a slow speed."

32 posted on 02/22/2005 11:07:50 PM PST by Tall_Texan (Let's REALLY Split The Country! (http://righteverytime3.blogspot.com))
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To: Quixotical

Chet Atkins.

He could and did play any kind of music. I have a 78rpm album of his that I wouldn't part with for any money. Nothing but classical music on it.


33 posted on 02/22/2005 11:08:39 PM PST by Graybeard58 (Remember and pray for Spec.4 Matt Maupin - MIA/POW- Iraq since 04/09/04)
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To: Richard Kimball

28 IF (if he would have lived)

license on the volkswagen on the abby road album.


34 posted on 02/22/2005 11:08:58 PM PST by planekT
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To: TheOtherOne

My Back Pages, Purple Haze, Foxy Lady, Hey Joe, yeah he's pretty darned mesmerizing.


35 posted on 02/22/2005 11:09:20 PM PST by bd476
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To: Arkie2

Just looked it up. Apparently Mick Jagger once ate said candy bar out of Miss Faithfull's...well, perhaps that's where the Stones got the inspiration for "Brown Sugar"?


36 posted on 02/22/2005 11:16:53 PM PST by RichInOC ("...how come ya taste so good?")
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To: djf

In that song, Zappa namechecks the Vanilla Fudge.


37 posted on 02/22/2005 11:18:20 PM PST by Chunga
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To: tallhappy

Richey Edwards was the guitarist for the Manic Street Preachers, who disappeared in 1995 shortly before the band was supposed to tour the U.S. to promote their then-current album.

Richard John Bingham, the seventh Earl of Lucan, disappeared in 1974, after allegedly beating the family nanny to death and also battering his wife.

Apparently there's some controversy about exactly what happened to both gentlemen.


38 posted on 02/22/2005 11:21:34 PM PST by RichInOC (Elvis is everywhere, Elvis is everything, Elvis is everybody, Elvis is still the King!)
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To: RichInOC
Thanks for the info.

Very British. I'd've not known at all.

39 posted on 02/22/2005 11:35:01 PM PST by tallhappy (Juntos Podemos!)
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To: All
Did Kerry King from Slayer play guitar for the Beastie Boys' "No Sleep till Brooklyn" hit in the 80's?
40 posted on 02/22/2005 11:43:33 PM PST by Pro-Bush (Can't afford Medical care? Thank an illegal alien.)
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