"I just can't figure out how a topic like this could pre-occupy so many bright minds."
I do. Getting older, I find I enjoy the taste of fine spirits and good beer more but really dislike the mind numbing effect. If they could make a scotch that tasted like Laphroaig or Talisker, or a beer like any number of good beers, without the effect of alchohol, I'd have a drink more often. The "no buzz" beers taste terrible.
Just a thought.
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"Getting older, I find I enjoy the taste of fine spirits and good beer more but really dislike the mind numbing effect."
Excellent!!! Figure out how to make the former without the later and there's billions to be made.