D1 ~ You speak from wisdom.
I have been married to my husband for 41 years. Let me help you guys out on this "let her argue" bit. It's not quite as bad as it sounds.
There are some women who, because of inner insecurities, hold everything in and feel afraid to speak their minds. Giving them the opportunity to express themselves can increase their confidence in themselves, in the marriage, and in their husbands. And it alleviates the stress in their lives that causes bad things such as heart attacks.
Now, what you said, D1, is the key. She might be inhibited and needs to work some things out with a loving, understanding husband. However, she must be a rational human being. As you say, this is key.
That's key for both genders. As well as an understanding of the difference between what women see as rational and men see as rational in the relationship.
I would never advocate either partner remain silent, grinding away. Discussions are healthy. Arguements are seldom so. Accepting differences is a good thing at times.