Posted on 02/15/2005 2:29:49 PM PST by NYTexan
The National Hockey League, on the verge of canceling the season over a salary dispute with the player's union, announced that negotiations would end today with a "bare-knuckle fistfight between the lawyers."
Gary Bettman, the attorney who serves as NHL commissioner and Bob Goodenow, a lawyer and executive director of the player's union, will "throw down the gloves" at an arena yet to be named. Tickets for the event have already sold out.
If Mr. Bettman wins, the NHL imposes a salary cap at 55 percent of revenues. If Mr. Goodenow wins, the players receive a 24-percent pay cut, but avoid a revenue-based cap.
The winner of the fight will be determined by the league dentist, who, incidentally, is the NHL's highest paid employee.
No matter who wins, the NHL will continue to hone its marketing strategy "to entertain fewer fans at higher ticket prices until owning an NHL franchise becomes America's best way to reduce taxable income and keep your name out of the papers."
Pinging the usual suspects!
(anyone wanting on or off the satire ping list, let me know!)
I say, let them use hockey sticks.
Well, at least that would bring a solution. They should have done this all along.
Hilarious!
Humorous ping!
well since Golf outranked them for TV audience in 2003-4 (really), they are on the right track.......I really like my SJ Sharks and love watching but this has got to be the most incompetent owner/union match up later.......ya gotta make the lawyers duke it out in at least roller blades...since they are already skating on thin ice. (pun intended)
"Well since Golf outranked them for TV audience in 2003-4 (really), they are on the right track......."
So did poker!!! I think professional bowling might have too.
Why is it hockey fights always leave the ice 'homo pink' and rarely ever 'tough guy red' or 'deep purple crush'??
The Romans would be ashamed of us!!
<|:-)~~
LOL!
Maybe this is the only way.
LOL........too bad cause I actually like hockey only cause we played intramural street hockey in high school and college......it's margin for viewers is so small I wonder if they even get it......oh well, like you said, maybe a fight will break out at the bowling alley
Can you get me on(the satire ping)? Thanks in ahead.
Bettman is puttin on the foil.
>>took the Hartford Whalers out of Hartford.
I said the same thing, but relented after 5 years.
You are ON!
Yeah! Thanks. I love the satires.
LOL too bad it's not true. I'd pay money to see some lawyers beat each other to death.
If a fight erupts in a hockey venue, does the person knocked out make a sound when he hits the floor? Does a tree falling in the forest, when no one's around, make a sound?
And, futhermore, the Lightning will be Champions for one more year!
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