Posted on 02/14/2005 2:38:08 AM PST by SmithPatterson
What will Alec Baldwin find in Canada? John Leo February 14, 2005
Some 10,000 to 20,000 Americans, unable to come to terms with the re-election of President Bush, are believed poised to leave the United States and become Canadians. Many, of course, will remain permanently in the poised position, just like Alec Baldwin, who has apparently been on the tarmac for four years awaiting a plane to some other country.
But suppose the disaffected 10,000 to 20,000 actually depart. Will they find happiness? Will they achieve peace of mind north of the border? No, they won’t. Instead they will find the following:
Strange and maddening football games. For reasons nobody can fathom, Canadian football is played on an enormous field, with 12 players on a side and only three downs, so every third play tends to be a punt. Canadian football alone is said to have driven an estimated 2 million Canadians across the border to become U.S. citizens. Many believe Bush could not have won without the disaffected Canadian football vote.
More Canadian music than you can imagine. Radio stations must play Canadian music at least 35 percent of the time. Strict rules determine what music is Canadian enough to fill the quota. Though Celine Dion is Canadian, her hit “My Heart Will Go On” was insufficiently Canadian, since the lyricist, the songwriter, and the recording were non-Canadian. As a result, thoroughly Canadian pop music stays on the radio long enough to drive many Canadians to distraction, drink, and even Canadian football.
Except for murder, a rate of violent crime as disgraceful as that of the United States. Many U.S. newspapers salute Canada for its low crime rate. But according to the International Crime Victimization Survey, the rate of certain “contact” crimes (robbery, sexual assault, and assault with force) is over 1.5 times higher in Canada than in the United States.
A national political leader every bit as hard to look at as George Bush. People who detest President Bush’s syntax or cocky gait must consider Prime Minister Paul Martin’s disastrous smile. Martin’s speechwriter said the PM’s “fake smile leads one to assume that Martin’s foot is being stepped on by an antelope.”
Perplexing food decisions. Never ask a grocer in Canada for “American” cheese or “Canadian” bacon. Un-Canadian anger may ensue. Also, approach the famous national dessert, the Canadian butter tart, with extreme caution. It is made with brown sugar, eggs, flour, vanilla, and lead. Strong men have been known to eat two at a single sitting, though, because of the lead content, they are usually unable to move for several days afterward.
The customary problems of socialized medicine. A 2000 report from the Heritage Foundation found long waiting lists, government rationing, and substandard care in Canada’s system. Drug spending is controlled, according to the report, by limiting the number of approved drugs and slowing down the approval process. In one four-year period, Canada approved only 24 of 400 new drugs. Keep coming down here for healthcare, Canadians.
A national infatuation with censorship. Canadians tend to be a benign people who value niceness. So they have a strong tendency to suppress speech that they see as lacking in niceness. Un-nice books and videos are seized at the border or banned from libraries. Any material cited for “undue exploitation of sex” or for being “degrading or dehumanizing” can be banned.
Speech is illegal if it “promotes hatred” or spreads “false news.” Advertising “directed at children” can be ruled illegal. If the recorded message on your answering machine is deemed discriminatory, you can be prosecuted for it. In Saskatchewan, a newspaper ad listing four biblical citations against homosexuality (just the listing, no text), accompanied by two hand-holding male stick figures with a line drawn across them, was ruled a human-rights offense, and the man who placed the ad was directed to pay $1,800 each to three gay men who were offended by the ad. “Canadians put up with an insane amount of crap that Americans might not,” said David Sutherland, former director of the British Columbia Civil Liberties Association.
Canada’s trying to be European. Canada has been aping trends in Europe, from the obsession with multiculturalism, the rising contempt for religion, greater censorship, and even a declining birthrate. Canada’s birthrate is 1.49 children per woman, well below the replacement level of 2.1. Canada’s elites behave much like those of the United States, favoring judicially imposed decisions over democratic and legislative ones. In Canada, a smaller and less varied nation than the United States, the elites meet less resistance. But there are signs of a pushback. Though the Canadian and American press consistently give the impression that gay marriage is overwhelmingly favored in Canada, a February 2 National Post/Global National poll found that two thirds of Canadians oppose gay marriage and would likely vote against it in a national plebiscite. The polls suggest that Canadians are close to Americans on this issue. It’s elite opinion and judges that make Canada look different.
Of course Baldwin, and perhaps many of the others (assuming they actually do leave), won't have to worry about the problems of socialized medicine.
And the sad thing is, it wasn't always this way. Canada has been a steadfast ally for many, many years - one of the more untold stories is the landing of their troops on Juno beach on D-Day.
For whatever reason, since Pierre Trudeau, Old Canada has an alien element of socialism leeching off of it. It's an utter tragedy.
Regards, Ivan
Charlton Heston just giggled, somewhere....:))
My grandfather bought land on the Georgian Bay in Lion's Head, Ont. in 1922. He took my dad and his brothers there to camp every year. In 1948 he built a cottage on the land and my dad took my brothers and I there every year for summer vacation. In 1969, the town took the land, bulldozed the cottage and built a public beach. I haven't been to Canada since.
The unions are ruining the historical respect of our friends....
That's what...? About $12 in real money?
It isn't surprising to me. A part of the worldwide trend has been that today's far-left environmentalist-peaceniks are sons and daughters of yesteryears' colonial ruling classes. I have read novels written by a New Zealand author justifying eco-terrorism and chuckled when I found out he was a son of one of the last high-ranking British colonial administrators in Raj-era India.
Canada is like this. It, along with New Zealand, prided itself on the fact that they are behind the backs of the Empire of which the sun never sets and used to look down on the upstart US. WWII and the end of the British Empire produced an identity crisis for both of them, and both ended up with the same rpute: substituting the British Empire with the United Nations.
Can we give these malcontents some parting gifts to motivate them to move to Canukistan? A big parka, a handful of hockey pucks, and a box of magazines they can read while waiting in the socialized medicine line for their doctor to finally give them an aspirin.
"goldstategop, why do you keep including that quote from "Denny Crane" in every one of your posts? First off, it's not even remotely clever or profound. Second, the place to put that is in your tagline, where it belongs."
I just read a discussion about the immoral invasion of Iraq by the Americans - written by a Canadian. The arrogance of this person was unbelievable, but then he writes after claiming he likes Americans but doesn't like Bush:
"As a matter of fact, the comparative economic advantage we acheived over the US as a result of their having to spend hundreds of billions on the war and security measures probably helped Canada comepete so sucessfully with the US over the last few years."
Disgusting and diabolical. This is what Canadian media is feeding them.
I don't know.
And I don't care.
Stories like this hurt us badly. Tell them they will find Shangri-La. Get them to the borders and then kick them across.
Hurry up, Loony Lefties, LEAVE already!!!!
Don't let the border hit ya in the a$$ on the way out!!!
Canadian football fields are 110 yards between goal lines and 65 yards wide. That's a whole lot of field to cover!
You have to make a certain number of points on a list of desirable characteristics to get a permanent visa, that is true. Or you have to come in on any pretext, including without any papers at all, and not get caught for at least 10 years. Then, no matter what you do, they can't deport you.
The only people in this country actually rousing rabble are the expats. The Canadians whine a lot, but they never do anything.
And the "conservatives" here are well to the left of American Conservatives. They too want all the free lollies they can get, but they want to figure out some other way to not have to pay for them personally.
The Toronto Sun is having a contest for people to write columns and earn both money and the chance to write more columns. I think you have given me a good idea.
They're liberals--they're incapable of being happy under any circumstances.
Run for the border!
In this part of the world (NZ) people also use "eh?" in informal conversations. I never quite use it since people will look at me and think this is not the way how an immigrant is supposed to speak.
bump
No, no. They will find peace of mind if they go. Don't discourage them from going.
More importantly, WE will find peace of mind, if they go.
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